We Have a Problem (and It’s an Expensive One)

There has been something on my mind that has resulted in countless tears being shed. And I just haven’t been able to put words to it. Every time I try to write about it, I end up just feeling like I shouldn’t be complaining. I sit here thinking that this is our problem and I shouldn’t complain about it, because nearly everyone else has their own version of this problem. And in the scheme of it, we are pretty fortunate.

But today, I’ve decided I’m ready to find my words and share.

So here it is: the cost of international adoption has become a significant problem for us.

20150130 -  Similarities between Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and Adoption2From the get go, we knew that choosing to adopt internationally would be expensive. When we were deciding if we were going to adopt locally or internationally we were told it would be $20,000 – $60,000 USD. We anticipated a total bill of about $40,000 USD. This $40,000 was intended to include the costs on the Canadian side and the travel costs. This was also at a time when the Canadian dollar was close to par with the US dollar.

Due to circumstances well outside of our control, we are now told that the adoption will cost us upwards of $60,000 USD, just on the USA agency fees, lawyer fees and birth mother expenses. This means we will also be paying for the Canadian adoption expenses and travel over and above the $60,000. All in, we are now expecting a final bill closer $80,000 USD (or 100,000 CAD at the current exchange rate).

Cue heart palpitations.

This is insane!

And honestly, it’s bloody scary!

This might just be too much for us to handle.

In our minds, we were going to spend this kind of money over 5-6 years on 2 separate adoptions. Now we are looking at potentially needing this within the next 12 months. (The plus side of this problem is that the adoption may occur much quicker then before).

Needless to say there has been a lot of stress in the MPB household as a result of this. There have been sleepless nights. There has been lots of discussions and even some arguments (and we work hard to talk through disagreements so true arguments are rare for us). With this price tag, we’ve discussed the option of not having children. We’ve discussed putting off adopting for a few more years so we can save more money. We’ve discussed trying again the old fashioned way (that has proved so incredibly unsuccessful for us).

Ultimately, the one thing we both quickly came to the realization of is that we do want children. And, international adoption is the best path for our family.

So, now we just have to figure out how we are going to come up with this amount of money, and relatively quickly. So, we’ve started strategizing how in the world we are going to pay for this. One of the most immediate solutions is that I find a new job ASAP – so much for the luxury of having time to find the right job.  And Iceland is off the table.

Really, we are now facing an entirely new fear.  And I find myself asking the universe, why does this all have to be so hard?  Why can’t something just work our easily.  Why does virtually any form of alternative family building have to be so freaking expensive?  Why?!

I know we will find a way to overcome it, but for now, we are pretty scared that by the time we get through this adoption we are going to be completely broke.

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138 Comments on “We Have a Problem (and It’s an Expensive One)

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  2. If you start a go.fund.me site (or something similar), let us know!! I would happily contribute. It’s a big number but maybe it would make a dent? Hang in there!!


    • You are too kind Mz. Pipp. Way too kind. 🙂
      For the time being we’ve decided not to start any time of fundraiser – we believe that almost everyone we know, in the blogging world and in-real-life, is at a point in their lives where they don’t have a lot of money to spare. Maybe one day we’ll change our minds, but not yet.
      Thank you again!


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