Adoption Home Study: First 10 Thoughts

A while ago, I wrote about my growing impatience with the adoption process (I suspect my impatience with this process may become a recurring theme in my life as we get further and further into our adoption process). Oddly, with some twist of fate, things started moving again just hours after that post.

So, now that the wheels are turning, I thought it today I’d share our initial thoughts on the home study process:

  1. How clean should our house be? Do you show your house just as clean as it is daily, for better or worse? Or do you clean inside and outside of every single cupboard and have the world’s cleanest storage room and garage ever? Do I refold and organize every article of clothing in our closet so our closet looks pretty, or do I leave it like it actually is?
  2. How do you deal with a 90lbs dog? She “greets” visitors to our house with a howl that is reminiscent of a wolf. She’s big and black which for some people means she’s scary. While she is nice, we have no way to guarantee that she won’t jump or act up in some way. How do you bribe a dog to be perfectly behaved? Is it even possible?
  3. What if we don’t like our assigned social worker? We have no choice in the selection of the social worker, and we are expected to share our entire lives with them. I’m intrigued to see how we open up to them, and how the actual conversation flows. It could be an interesting situation, but I am so hopeful that we will like her/him and it will be a positive interaction.
  4. Will the deaths of my mom and sister impact our ability to adopt?  They might see that event as making us too risky.
  5. Will the fact that we have chosen to make our home in a city away from our parents and family impact our desirability as adoptive parents? It could be said that we have no support network nearby which could be a bad thing.
  6. How will they view our decision for me not to be working full time? In some respects it may be seen as a positive, because we can afford it and I’m already a “stay-at-home” waiting mom. But the downside is also obvious – a professional who is not working is very odd, and maybe they will look at it as a bad thing.
  7. Will the fact that we’ve spoken with a counsellor through our losses been seen as a good thing or a bad thing? We are willing to ask for help when we need it, which could be viewed as a good thing.  But yet we have also seen a counsellor that in itself could be a red flag.
  8. With the exception of the little green rocking chair, will it matter that our house is virtually void of anything children? Should we purchase a crib or a stroller? I’m not ready too just yet, but maybe it would be worth it to make our house look a bit more baby friendly.
  9. How much detail do we go into when we discuss our recurrent pregnancy loss? Do we mention the details of our third loss?
  10. Are we good enough? I really think we are, so I’m trying very hard not to dwell on any self-doubt.

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Once we are through the home study process, I plan to do a summary on how we feel about each of these 10 things after the fact.

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66 Comments on “Adoption Home Study: First 10 Thoughts

  1. Blimey, I see how many things you have to consider! I hope everything isn’t black and white in this process, there must be some give and take in all of these things. Really hope it all goes smoothly and that they are fair xx

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    • I suspect not everything is black and white, but I don’t know for sure yet. Thank you for your hope, I completely agree that I hope they are fair and everything goes smoothly. 🙂

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  2. Gosh, you are opening my eyes to things I have never thought about. Adoption is complicated! Maybe someone who has been through it before can offer you better advice, but I can tell you this much: you are good enough! You are MORE than good enough! And, I don’t even really know you and I know that much. Hoping and praying that everything goes smoothly.

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    • Thank you so much for your very kind words, I do hope that we are good enough!! It’s funny, because of how intimate the blogging world is, I feel like I know so many people here better then I do in real life!
      And you are so right, adoption is so very complicated! And, as I love to research and think through things, I think we have thought about almost every single things that could come up.

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  3. Pre-surrogacy research I dove quite heavily into UK adoption research and from everything I read (albeit may be quite different in the US/Canada) experience of any family loss seemed to be considered as a positive thing as the prospective adopters were more likely to be able to empathise with the loss adoptees may feel with regards to their birth parents, to some degree anyway.
    Hopefully you will click with your social worker and things will progress quickly. Anyone in their right mind will know that you are fantastic candidates and will be fantastic parents. Hopefully soon!

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    • I have read the same thing about infertility and baby loss in particular, in fact at the mandatory seminar we attended a few months ago, they told one couple who had children that they will have to go international as the local infant adoption process does not work favorably for those who can have children. I completely forgot about that until you comment – thanks!
      And thank you for your hope and kind words!! I so hope we click, things progress quickly and we are approved in no time!! 🙂

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      • I am crazy, so I’m going to respond to each of your concerns! As you know, I am looking into adoption as well, and I am SO interested to hear how this goes for you. I loved reading everyone else’s responses. It sounds like you have nothing to worry about!

        1. I say just regular clean should be fine. Leave the garage be haha. I never would have thought of child-proof locks like some other commenters mentioned!

        2. I bet these peeps are used to dogs. I think some jumping is ok. Probably as long as she doesn’t seem viscous (which it sounds like she doesn’t), you are golden.

        3. This is tough! I would be really worried about this one, too!

        4. I don’t think so—I agree with the other commenters that it will show off your resilience and strength. I find the way you got through that as an amazing aspect of your personality and I bet the social worker will, too.

        5. Huh, I never would have thought of this. But SO many people must live away from their families. I bet they see that all the time.

        6. I bet this will be a positive! That one adoption book I read said that birth mothers love stay-at-home moms.

        7. Jeez, I hope not. I also read about this as well and was surprised that it could be a potential red flag. It should be a GOOD thing! I’ve seen a counselor on and off for years, and I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon, so hopefully this isn’t a problem.

        8. I don’t know anything about this, but I don’t think it should be a problem. Why would they expect you to have kid stuff if you don’t have kids yet? That would seem like an unrealistic expectation on their part!

        9. Hmmm, I say let the social worker lead on that one.

        10. A resounding yes! You are awesome! You got this in the bag.

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      • Thank you so much for all your thoughts on each and very single item! Rationally I agree with you about each one of these things, but when worry sets in, I cannot help but be slightly crazy about it.
        I think the biggest thing I’ve learned from your comment and others is that it seems pretty normal to be worried about everything, but really we shouldn’t be because people from all walks of life get approved and we are decent people so the process should show that. I guess my new goal should be to try to relax and let go of some of the worry. 🙂

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  4. I can answer a few of these, as they were questions I asked at our very first adoption meeting.

    The losses are typically seen as a bonus. It shows that you know how to deal with grief and can empathize with the loss your child has.

    The dog, just try to keep them down if they are jumpers. Otherwise I was told they do want to meet any family pets and no, they don’t expect them to be perfect.

    They recommended the house look like it does day to day. I know here they won’t go through every single thing and really just take a walk through. The only places they said they might peak is under sinks and in medicine cabinets to see how you store chemicals and medications.

    They also told me counseling was fine. It showed a willingness to seek help with any problems I was experiencing.

    Granted this is all with the adoption agency we would use stateside here, but in my research it seems to all be pretty run of the mill. Everyone I know who has adopted said the anticipation for the home study is significantly worse then the actual home study itself.

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  5. This is so timely! I actually have my first home visit today and I’m pretty nervous. Mainly not being able to prepare because I have no clue what she’ll ask. Luckily, the person doing this initial visit is the same person that’s teaching our MAPP class so I already have some level of comfort with her. I will say that I probably went WAYY overboard and cleaned the house top to bottom. Hopefully all my nerves are for nothing.

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  6. Honey, I have a close friend (and neighbor) who is single and lives in an apartment in a run down building with 5 cats and she passed her home study just fine. Granted I have never been through the process, but it seems that perhaps re-organizing the closet might be overkill.

    Dog-wise, have you ever given your dog Benadryl? It’s perfectly safe for them and it helps make them a bit less alert (for lack of a better word). Maybe try it a time or two before home study? Mine weigh 50 lbs and we have given them anywhere from half a pill to a whole pill. I usually do it when we’re having a party of some sort to help keep them from eating all of the appetizers or when we know the neighborhood is going to go fireworks crazy (New Years eve).

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    • Well, I am not a crazy cat lady, so I do have that going for me. 🙂
      Okay, seriously, thanks for sharing that! It is nice to hear that people from all walks of life get approved! I agree, re-organizing the closet might be a bit over the top, but if it could somehow help, I’d probably do it. 🙂
      Benadryl is an excellent idea – I can think of many circumstances where it could come in handy like when we go on long road trips and she wont settle down or at Halloween when she is bothered by everyone coming to the door. It might be something worth trying. Thanks for sharing.

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  7. I’ve had a lot of these same thoughts go through my head. We did order a new couch and living room carpet, lol. To be fair…Rocky totally ruined the middle back cushion of our couch and chewed the back of it all up when he was a puppy. The middle reclines all the way back and it’s the one part that shouldn’t recline at all. The carpet is from when we moved and it is/was white. As you can imagine a black lab and in home daycare for over a year has changed that. Even my shampooer isn’t getting some of these stains out. Really, a home study was just the excuse I needed and J finally gave in, lol. I definitely don’t think your Mom and Sister’s deaths will have any negative connotations. I think the fact that you’ve been through that kind of pain and have turned into an Amazing, well rounded woman is a huge plus in your favor. 🙂 Keep taking deep breaths…I’m sure I’ll need you to remind me of that soon too! Sending lots of love!

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    • Oh, I understand the idea of a white carpet and a black dog! We used to have a carpet in our living room. Now, we simply have our hardwood. We just couldn’t keep it clean enough so we gave up entirely. 🙂
      I can appreciate the idea of doing some stuff around the house that we were going to do anyways, like replacing a worn out piece of furniture. It makes a tonne of sense to me.
      We can keep reminding each other to take deep breaths. The process is long and slow, so we may also start having to remind each other to be patient. 🙂

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  8. Lots of valid questions, and I honestly don’t think there is a right or wrong answer to any of them. But I’ve also never gone through the process so I don’t have any real world experience with it. I have faith that you and Mr. MPB will come to decisions/answers that are best for YOU, and honest to who you are as a couple and your journey. Hugs.

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    • Thank you for your kind words. You are right, we will be honest to who we are as a couple, and that’s really what matters. The big thing is to stop worrying and accept that we are who we are for better or worse that’s who we should display.

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  9. I think given the fact that you are concerned about all of those things, you are going to do very well indeed. I think you will make the right choices and your social worker will be a fool if they can’t see how ready you are to do this! x

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    • Sometimes we love to over-analyze things so sometimes I get stuck in my brain a bit too much which leads to all these thoughts and worries. But I do hope that no matter what our social worker will see that we are good people and will be good parents.

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  10. I had a lot of these same thoughts. We actually had a follow up home study today. We have to have them 4 times a year.

    Cleaning: We did a slightly better than normal cleaning. They’re not going to go through your drawers or cabinets. I made sure everything was dusted, vacuumed, wiped down. I picked up all the random dog bones. They’re not so much looking for extreme cleanliness but realistic situations.

    Dogs: I have two young but biggish dogs that love to jump. We had them crated during the home studies. I asked if they wanted to meet the dogs and both times they said no, they didn’t need to. Our dogs are good and calm in the crates so it probably helped that they weren’t going nuts in there. I had to carry around my cat during my home study today because he couldn’t believe we had the balls to not pay attention to him for 10 minutes and kept yelling and running in our way. We are working with trainers on our dogs now after seeing how they liked to jump all over the kids. The trainers suggested getting the dogs really tired with an extra long walk or trip to the dog park before meeting someone new. Get rid of some of that excited energy beforehand.

    Mom & Sister: I was asked about my mom’s death and how i dealt with it. I don’t think there would have been any right or wrong answer there. They were more interested in my relationship with my mother when i was a child and what kind of parents I had.

    Infertility: I was also asked about this. I said it has prepared me for the emotional roller coaster of fostering/adopting. Going into this we know how resilient we are. We also know how much we want this. We didn’t have to go into detail. I had mentioned on our application that we had infertility issues and that I had 5 miscarriages. They didn’t ask for any further detail.

    We also live in an area that isn’t close to family. We were asked about that too, and what kind of support we would have. This is the toughest one for us because we don’t have any friends or family for miles. I said we would do whatever it takes to make it work. We said our families are always right there for advice or emotional support.

    Kid stuff: we had to have a bed ready for our home study so we had purchased a convertible crib and a dresser and set it up. We also purchased a car seat because we were unsure if we would need it for the home study (we didn’t). We didn’t have anything else though, that was it.

    At some point they may want you to childproof your house. Everywhere is different. We surprisingly didn’t have to do this for our home study but to be save we bought outlet covers and childproofed the cabinet under the sink with cleaning supplies. I have heard this is required for others but it might not be until later in the process.

    I’m sure there’s more. Feel free to email me to talk about it if you want! Do you have my email? I feel like I may have given it to you a while back. You can contact me with any questions. I have probably had them all myself!

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    • Thank you so much!!! Reading this was just so reassuring! On a rational level I’m pretty sure we don’t have to much to worry about, but of course the rational side of my brain doesn’t always win. 🙂
      I’m not sure if you sent me your email before and I lost it (probably), so can you send it to me again? I’d love to send you questions as I have them. Thanks so much!!

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  11. For me the home study terrors (before we struck adoption off of our list of options) had nothing to do with the physical space into which we wanted to invite a child but the emotional baggage and potential judgment of us as individuals with more than our fair share of that baggage as well as abusive and actually as well as potentially meddlesome ex-spouses, etc. Our ages also played against us. All about shame and fear. I know you say you don’t buy into societal shame but your list says otherwise sweetheart. 😉 I think adoption like fertility and RPL is an area where some sense of being judged unfairly and shame are pretty hard to eliminate entirely. You have so much to juggle here and the waiting game only amplifies that. I wish I had words or suggestion of wisdom or meaningful assistance. Instead I am sending much love, patience and perseverance your way as you wait, wait and wait some more.

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    • Thanks for sharing your fears and vulnerability from when you explored the possibility of adoption. It is amazing what we all go through and have to consider as we look to grow our families.
      Just to clarify, I absolutely buy into societal shame and fear, I just try really hard to not let it define my being. 🙂 I think the idea of opening our homes and our lives to a perfect stranger, to be judged, is probably the most interesting part of this process and there is definitely fear that we will be judged negatively. I think it would be crazy to pretend that there isn’t some personal shame and fear involved in that. So, here’s to hoping that we aren’t judged too harshly!
      And, thank you so much for your well wishes – we absolutely love them and can use them!

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  12. Wow, there seems to be a wealth of information and good suggestions in these comments. I suspect that having thought of these questions, you and the mister are already ahead of the game. Knowing what I know about you two and your dog, I can only imagine great reviews. I can’t wait to hear how it goes.

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    • Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement! I cannot wait to be through it and to share how it all went, I so hope I can say that all my worrying was for nothing. 🙂

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  13. So obviously, never having been in your shoes, I don’t have a lot to contribute … except with regard to the dogs. I do know a bit about those… 🙂 I see a previous commenter has suggested a crate, and I think that’s an excellent idea. If your dogs aren’t crate trained and you don’t have a dog-savvy friend to advise you, email me at beladonatok@gmail.com and I’ll be happy to help. A crate is an invaluable tool – not to be misused, obviously, but it is a great way to maintain peace and sanity for yourself AND the dogs.

    Second, you really should start working on training them to greet people appropriately – not just for this home visit, but because rude dogs are a pain. And once you have a little one, you will need them to know how to be gentle and controlled. It always made me so sad when people released dogs to us because “We have a baby and the dog is too rough” … that is so unnecessary, given that almost all dogs can be trained with just a bit of effort!

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    • Thanks for this comment – our dog is crate trained, but because she is so tall, she doesn’t really fit into any crates anymore. When we need to, we use an x-pen now so that she’s not hunched over the whole time. While she is not typically in her x-pen anymore, this might be a really good approach to our first meeting.
      And, while my post was focusing on fears, I did not explain very well that she is actually very well trained. When she was about 10 months old we hired a private trainer to help us with her as she was our first dog as adults and became a bit too much for us to handle at 90 lbs. We made a conscious decision not to train away her barking at the door as she sounds like a very good guard dog. But she is trained not to jump on people, and she almost never does it. In fact, in part of training her, we have trained our friends not to pet her when they first arrive until she is sitting. But, as they are animals they are never perfect, and what if she did jump on our social worker? Really, it is an irrational fear because she doesn’t typically behave poorly, but you just never know. Irrationality at its best. 🙂

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      • I’m so glad you have it all under control! And yes, I can see that you’re just bubbling with all sorts of fears right now, and my gut tells me they’re completely irrational – but, as someone who tends to focus on the “what ifs” when I’m waiting to hear whether I have something that I deeply want, I can so understand.

        I think putting the dog in her pen would be a wise move, because for sure you are going to be extra anxious when you open the door to your social worker, and your dog will pick up on that. Also, when the social worker calls to make the appointment, maybe mention that you have a large dog and ask if they’re comfortable with dogs? That will help you know how to prepare – for instance, whether you should have the dog’s x-pen in a separate room away from where you’ll be getting acquainted.

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      • I’m so glad you have this under control as well! And yes, I can tell that you’re just bubbling over with all sorts of fears right now. Every time I read one of your posts I want to send you a big hug and a “It’s okay, you’re fine, and it’s going to be fine” – but however irrational the fears are, they’re real. I just hope you don’t have too long to wait!

        One thing that does occur to me is, when your social worker visits for the first time you’re going to be extra stressed, and the dog will pick up on that. Your anxiety could in fact trigger precisely the kind of behavior you don’t want. So something you might do is, when your social worker calls to make the appointment for their first visit, tell them you have a large dog and ask if they’re comfortable with dogs. That information will help you prepare – either a supply of treats to help them get acquainted with your dog, or maybe to put the dog’s pen in a room away from where you’ll be spending most of the time during that initial visit.

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      • All great ideas, we always keep a handful of treats by the door so we are ready for visitors. And we should absolutely give the social worker a heads up when she calls – we did mention our dog in the paperwork, but a verbal reminder is a good idea too!

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  14. I was like you, trying to control things and worried about everything. At some point you will snap, under all of the pressure and trying to look perfect for a complete stranger and only then can you start to enjoy the process and be completely relaxed and comfortable around your worker. I was on top of everything and our first home study was set and ready to go, we took time off of work, the house was clean (despite one of our dogs having a shit-splosion all over the living room the night before) we were ready to rock, and then 3 hours before our first ever highly anticipated home study, she called in sick. I was DEVASTATED. It was like my world got flipped upside down, I cried and snapped and that day I relinquished all feelings of control. I realized I could do everything perfect but I still had zero control. I know I’m a random stranger but I promise this can be a relaxed and comfortable experience, they want to get to know the real you and see your real life. If everything is perfect and flawless that will raise red flags to them because they will think you’re hiding something. We just recently had our second homestudy THREE days after we moved into our new house, the place was a disaster, we were using plastic utensils to stir our coffees and she didn’t care one bit. Sorry for the oversharing my own stories but everyone else answered the questions the same way I would, I just want you to know it will all be ok, just be yourself!

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    • Oh, thank you so much for sharing this!! I am just now reading all the comments I have received today and it really does sound like I shouldn’t be too worried about the home study. Honestly, our house is generally pretty clean so I’m leaning towards just leaving it how it is. I can honestly say I have no desire to clean the inside of my cupboards or my storage room, so that’s probably just not going to happen. 🙂
      I absolutely love hearing about your experience and I really do need the reminder that I cannot control this so I should just relax and focus on having a positive experience with the social worker and hopefully just getting to know more about the adoption process.

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  15. The home visit went really well. As predicted I over-reacted. She was just getting a general feel of the safeness and how homey it was. I did show her the child locks where cleaners were stored which was good and that I already had a fire extinguisher. Basically she just wanted to confirm that the children placed here will be in a clean, safe environment. The only things for me to ‘fix’ was that I need a lockbox for all medications (even though they’re up really high) and I need another bed (or at least quick access to one) in order to be licensed for 2 children. She was really easy to talk to and we talked a lot about the things from my biography. I think the uncertainty of the whole process just ramps your nerves up to 1000 but it’s really no where near as nerve-racking as you’re imagining.

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    • I am thrilled to hear that your visit went well and that you over-reacted with worrying so much about it. The more I hear from you and others who have been through it, I suspect that will also be the case for us. Thank you again for sharing!! 🙂

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    • Thanks Amy! It’s exciting to be in the process, and also nerve wracking at the same time. I’m just trying to remind myself to take it one day at a time and to focus on the next step not the worry of the whole thing. 🙂

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  16. Wow when you don’t deal with trying to conceive and all the decisions that come with it, you have to deal with adoption and all the decisions that come with that. How dizzying. I have no clue but I never thought of those things. One thing I can say is that, you’re not only good enough. You are very good. 🙂 I hope that you get some answers as you move along in the process. ❤

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    • Yes, it seems like the second you cannot have children the “normal” way, life becomes full of hard decisions!! I’m really ready for something easy to come our way. 🙂
      Thank you so much for your kind words – I do hope our home study process shows us as very good. 🙂

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  17. I see that you’ve gotten a lot of good answers already. I know quite a few women who have had home studies already that have blogs. At any rate, I wanted to comment on #7 as I’ve discussed it with my counselor before. He says that counseling should be seen as a strength because you have reached out and/or want to be a better person. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. ❤ I'm wishing you all the best, as always!

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    • It sounds like everyone agrees, seeing a counsellor will be viewed as a good thing. Logically, it does make sense that we would be viewed positively for seeking help to become better people. Here’s to hoping everyone is right! 🙂
      As always, thank you so much for your love and encouragement!

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  18. Gosh there is so much to think about. It blows my mind, comparing your home situation to that of my clients in south central Los Angeles, where very poor women with abusive, temporary partners and no stable home or income have many babies by the time they’re 25. It makes me crazy, knowing you have to jump through all these hoops when you’re already great parents! They should just read your blog and know. Anyway, good luck!

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    • Thank you so much! Most days I completely agree with you, it is crazy the hoops we have to jump through. But then, I remember how important it would be to a birth mother to know that the individuals who will her raising child be screened and be the best available person imaginable. So, I do get it, but it still annoys me!! 🙂

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  19. I am just catching up on your recent posts…these are good questions and I could write to each one! Our home study was very “normal” and stress free. You have good questions, but I think all of your concerns will be viewed as “good” in the U.S. (e.g. Counseling, part time work, a lively big dog that you love)…if you have any questions, feel free to email me but I think you will find out it is a breeze since you seem very sane and caring! 🙂 Those are the big things…haha. Much love to you and congrats on getting this far!

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  20. This is such a great post. I’ve been thinking of you and how I would manage the adoption process (very similarly I might add 😉 ) and I was only recently thinking about the house cleaning stuff. I bet they expect you to be spotless but are aware it may not always look that way. That’s what I’d think as the SW anyway. The comment about Sadie greeting people with a wolf howl made me chuckle! Can you put her in the garden during the visit?

    I used to work in human services and my experience of SW’s is a good one, but you are right to be slightly anxious because it can be a personality thing too and you’re opening up your life to a stranger – that would make anyone nervous (unless you openly blog about it – hahaha!). Ideally the SW should put you at ease, be approachable and fully understand your need for counselling. It is a great thing to have done this, as the professional I’d be asking you if you had considered counselling if you’d not yet received it. I would hope they would also appreciate why you haven’t got a crib yet. Explaining you can do this at short notice should ease that issue – if there is one.

    Honestly, I don’t see how the deaths of your mother and sister could impact their decision. It was/is a horrible thing to have happened and no one can penalize you for it. I’d be asking questions if that came back as rejection feedback. The same goes for being at home. My knowledge of Australian adoption pretty much wanted you to be ready to go as soon as you get the phone call so it kind of makes sense one party is at home. If you can financially afford to who cares?!

    And lastly – you have no explaining to do about your third loss. Your SW should appreciate your medical situation and move on (if it even comes up that is).

    Thank you for posting this, I find the adoption posts so thought provoking. We looked into it before LM and it’s something I’d still consider but Australia laws are ridiculous. The amazing Mrs Hugh Jackman is working tirelessly to get them changed because she even admits it was difficult for them so they went to the states. If celebs can’t do it what can mere mortals hope for?

    Good luck, you’ll be fine. Better than fine x

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    • Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I love reading yours and others opinions. I know most of my worries are just worries based out the fear of the unknown and a lack of control over the situation. I am really hopeful that once we get into it, everything will be good, but the anxiety is still ever present.
      I had no idea that adoption in Australia is that hard! I thought it was hard here, I could not imagine it being more difficult! I find it somewhat sad because presumably Australia has birth mothers who choose adoption and by making it too difficult for adoptive parents you wouldn’t have nearly as many people adopting.

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  21. I know that from my experience as a social worker and working with adoption social workers is that you not working (despite being a professional) won’t matter a bit 🙂 Also, the fact you have already been to a counselor will give you a few gold stars 🙂 Because often times, this shows the social worker that IF there were any issues, they have been resolved and they don’t have to worry about them now. Does that make sense? And about your house being clean? They really don’t notice anything unless it is seriously noticeable…such as tons and tons of cat hair…dirty dishes everywhere…clothes piled up in the corners of the room, etc. Also in regards to the dog…make sure you call the agency ahead of time to make sure your social worker is not afraid of dogs 🙂 Because IF they are…it could be an issue for them and they will be VERY uneasy, etc. I hope this all helps you sugars! xoxoxo

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    • I so love your perspective as an actual social worker!! Who better to hear from to calm my anxiety, then someone who actually is a social worker and has worked with adoption social workers. 🙂
      I know most of my worries come directly from a fear of the unknown and a lack of control over the situation. So, hearing your reassuring words does help! And, I am pretty optimistic that once we actually get into it, I will laugh at how crazy I was being when I was obsessively worrying about all these things. 🙂

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  22. I think the best advice I can give you, as an adoptive parent, is to follow the blogs of people who have already been through the process and have moved on to parenting their child/children. These are the folks who will be able to reflect on the experience and give you some reassurance. As for your list of questions… we had them too. The one regret I have is that when we made our book for the potential birthmoms to look at, I included a picture of me with our three cats (at the time). I think that a lot of people don’t like cats and that was a turn off. I would have not included it, should I have known that at the time. Dogs are usually far more palatable. 🙂 Lisa

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    • Oh, I love this advice! I’ve met with a few people locally, and I’m always searching out new blogs.
      I also love your advice on the book. In Canada with local adoptions books are not created, so we do not have a lot to go on for what to do. I’ve of course been googling it as we have not started on our book yet beyond starting to find some pictures together. Once we are working our approval through the Canadian system we plan to start on the book and at that time I’m sure i’ll be seeking out more advice on what to include and what not to include. Thanks for getting me thinking about it and being thankful that I’m a dog person. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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