Adoption Home Study: First 10 Thoughts
A while ago, I wrote about my growing impatience with the adoption process (I suspect my impatience with this process may become a recurring theme in my life as we get further and further into our adoption process). Oddly, with some twist of fate, things started moving again just hours after that post.
So, now that the wheels are turning, I thought it today I’d share our initial thoughts on the home study process:
- How clean should our house be? Do you show your house just as clean as it is daily, for better or worse? Or do you clean inside and outside of every single cupboard and have the world’s cleanest storage room and garage ever? Do I refold and organize every article of clothing in our closet so our closet looks pretty, or do I leave it like it actually is?
- How do you deal with a 90lbs dog? She “greets” visitors to our house with a howl that is reminiscent of a wolf. She’s big and black which for some people means she’s scary. While she is nice, we have no way to guarantee that she won’t jump or act up in some way. How do you bribe a dog to be perfectly behaved? Is it even possible?
- What if we don’t like our assigned social worker? We have no choice in the selection of the social worker, and we are expected to share our entire lives with them. I’m intrigued to see how we open up to them, and how the actual conversation flows. It could be an interesting situation, but I am so hopeful that we will like her/him and it will be a positive interaction.
- Will the deaths of my mom and sister impact our ability to adopt? They might see that event as making us too risky.
- Will the fact that we have chosen to make our home in a city away from our parents and family impact our desirability as adoptive parents? It could be said that we have no support network nearby which could be a bad thing.
- How will they view our decision for me not to be working full time? In some respects it may be seen as a positive, because we can afford it and I’m already a “stay-at-home” waiting mom. But the downside is also obvious – a professional who is not working is very odd, and maybe they will look at it as a bad thing.
- Will the fact that we’ve spoken with a counsellor through our losses been seen as a good thing or a bad thing? We are willing to ask for help when we need it, which could be viewed as a good thing. But yet we have also seen a counsellor that in itself could be a red flag.
- With the exception of the little green rocking chair, will it matter that our house is virtually void of anything children? Should we purchase a crib or a stroller? I’m not ready too just yet, but maybe it would be worth it to make our house look a bit more baby friendly.
- How much detail do we go into when we discuss our recurrent pregnancy loss? Do we mention the details of our third loss?
- Are we good enough? I really think we are, so I’m trying very hard not to dwell on any self-doubt.
Once we are through the home study process, I plan to do a summary on how we feel about each of these 10 things after the fact.
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