I am a strong individual, I pride myself on being resilient. I’ve survived more then my fair share of unfortunate events in my life, and I just dig deeper and keep going. I also pride myself on being compassionate and kind to others. These are both core elements of my identity and shape how I interact with the world around me, both in my real life and in my blogging life. I’m not saying I’m perfect, I do make mistakes. But I also always take responsibility for my actions, right and wrong. And I also admit my mistakes and work to correct them whenever possible. And I try to surround myself by similarly minded people and I desperately hope to raise my son to live by these values.
Yesterday I shared how hurt and upset I am over someone’s cruel words directed at me in a way that is nothing short of bullying and shaming. And yet, on Monday I shared how touched I was by the words of an almost stranger that were incredibly kind and supportive.
Interestingly I was nearly brought to tears by both the hurtful body shaming and the compassionate kindness.
And even more interestingly, today I am holding onto the hurtful words more then the kind words. Why is it that we do this to ourselves? (I say we because I’m pretty sure this isn’t a unique phenomenon to me but rather something rather common).
Anyways, Mr. MPB and I have been talking about how these two incidents that occurred within a few days of each other and how completely differently they have impacted me. When I got home from the course I didn’t even mention the positive words I received to Mr. MPB, in fact he read about it on my blog. I’m not one to pat myself on the back so true to my typical self I didn’t come home bragging about it. And yet, instantly I shared the horrible email with my husband and I’ve been dwelling on it since.
And so I find myself sitting here thinking about the power of words and the power of our voice.
I feel as though the last few days is a perfect example of how hurtful words can be. And how lasting that hurt can be. I know I’ll move past this, but I also know I’ll never forget it and it’s one of those things that will float around in my mind from time to time. Unfortunately.
And I have to admit, sometimes it’s hard to always be strong and resilient. It’s in the immediate moments after hurtful words or horrible events happen that I want to give up. It’s in these moments that I want to just stop trying so hard. It’s in these moments that I want to just walk away from all the crap and move to a secluded beach island with my little MPB family to live out my days without this type of drama.
Yet, I realize moving to my secluded beach island is obviously never going to happen. And, I know that I have to find the strength within me to just get over this and move on. I think I’m somewhat fortunate that I know that I cannot dwell in this negativity and I will push myself beyond it when I’m ready. But, I also know that I have to let these emotions out. I know that I cannot just bottle everything up. So, I will give myself a few days to be bitter, annoyed and slightly depressed. But, I will let the positivity back in and I will lift myself back up. I will go high.
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