Adoption Questions

This last weekend was unbelievably busy:

  • Mr. MPB had to work.
  • We went to a first birthday party.
  • We had friends stay with us for their last night before officially leaving town for their big move.
  • We went to dinner with other friends who were in town after moving last year.
  • We went to the zoo.
  • We went to my favourite farmer’s market.

It was fun.  The weather cooperated which is always a nice bonus. In fact, I’d say we had a great weekend.

What was interesting is that at every social gathering, particularly the first birthday party, the friends we hadn’t seen in a long time and the recent baby shower, it once again became obvious that people love to ask questions about adoption.  Truthfully, it’s a very common conversation in my life.  I’m okay with this, I am happy to educate people who are interested.

But, what’s also really funny for me is how many people don’t realize Baby MPB is adopted.  And, when I’m talking about adoption with someone and they over-hear and join the conversation they always look at me with pure surprise and exclaim Baby MPB is adopted?!  He looks and even acts so much like his Dad, I would never have known.  Then usually they add on, Not that it matters of course.  You are amazing for adopting.  Then the string of the most common questions are asked:

  • Where was he born? – XX, USA.
  • How old was he when you got him? – We were there when he was born.
  • Do you know his birth mom? How old is she? Did you meet her? Do you know her race? – Yes, she’s a lovely young lady.  We did meet her and we do know her race, she actually has very similar colouring to me.
  • How often do you have to see her?  Do you email or text?  Do you send pictures? How frequently? Just like you as a parent make all decisions pertaining to your child’s social interactions, we do the same.  We choose to see her whenever we want to and she also wants to.  We send photos, email and text as often as we feel like it, just like we do anyone in our lives.  She’s a wonderful lady and we are happy that she wants to be part of Baby MPB’s life.
  • Did you pick his name? – Yes we did.  The birth-mother happened to love the name we wanted so it worked out perfectly.  She even chose to put our last name on his birth certificate so he will not have a name change, which is amazing.

As I said, I really don’t mind the questions.  I’m a pretty social person and I think I’m pretty approachable so in many ways I’m glad people are willing to ask to educate themselves.  Honestly, I think it’s great for people to understand open adoption.  But I will caveat this with I choose what to say and am very careful to respect the confidential and specific aspects of my son’s adoption, we are firm believers that a lot of his adoption story is his to tell when and if he wants to.

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Saying Goodbye

We hosted over 30 people last week to say goodbye to a very dear friend.  The party went wonderfully, clearly she has impacted many people and is going to be missed.

You see, she’s one of those people who care deeply and love without hesitation.  She’s one of those people who you can call when you’ve had a bad day or text at 3am when your wide awake worrying about something.  She’s one of those people that leads by example and always holds true to her word.

Shes the type of person who when we completely screwed up our work schedules, she took time off work to take care of Baby MPB.

She’s one of those people that I’m thankful to have had in my life. In fact? She’s the type of friend that everyone needs in their life.

She’s the type of person who saying goodbye to feels like the air is being sucked out of the room.

Saying goodbye makes my heart hurts as I contemplate our futures which will not include weekly visits.  She’s an honourary aunt to Baby MPB and now he will not get to see her all the time. I only feel sadness that he will not have as close of a relationship with her as he grows up.

Yet, rationally I know life will go on.  So all I can do is hope we both work to maintain our friendship.  And hope our futures will be as intertwined as our pasts have been.

And so I refuse to say goodbye. So instead I’m going to say, see you soon!  (In fact, see you in 12 days when we attempt a multi-province drive with Baby MPB to visit her new home).

If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.comto follow my journey.

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