Grateful

I’ve had an unbelievably hard week. The kind of week that has made me question a lot of things in my life and has probably aged me by at least a few years. But, it’s also the kind of week that brings out my determination, perseverance and quite frankly my bear claws.  I will fight this fire with fire of my own, because I have no choice.

I cannot go into details on what’s happening right now, but what I will say is that I need to focus on a few positive things in my life. I need to be reminded of why I lead the life I do, and why I will continue to. So today, I’m going to write down as many things as I can think of to be grateful for:

  • Little MPB – obviously.
  • Mr. MPB – another obvious.
  • A few specific family members who have come through for me this week. Something I used to not realize was obvious, but now I’m starting to learn that it is.
  • My health. At the moment I have no stomach problems. Interestingly, I suspect what’s going on is going to result in a recurrence of my stomach problems simply due to stress.
  • A bag of macadamia nuts from our Hawaii trip that is sitting on my desk. I opened them a few weeks ago and have been making them last as long as possible – I love these things so much it’s a good thing I cannot easily buy another bag!
  • My car is fixed, and it was much cheaper then expected.
  • My husband is making an effort to help me build custom shelving in my laundry room to make a more functional space, as we have never spent the time or money to make it functional. The laundry room is actually a closet in a bathroom so organization is critical. As I’m the one who does all the laundry and therefore am the only one who hates the space, I’m very excited that he’s agreed to help me fix it. (As an aside, does anyone else’s energy efficient dryer take forever to dry clothing?)
  • We had two nice days in a row and some snow actually melted. Maybe spring is actually on the way? (Scratch that, I just looked outside and see fresh snow, and according to the forecast we are under another snowfall warning with 20cm/8in by tomorrow).

I planned to take 2 minutes to write everything I could think of. I took 10 minutes, and I’m actually sad that I could only think of 8 things – which is very much a sign of how much I’m focusing on the horribleness. But alas, this is better then nothing and it will have to do for today.

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2:44am

It is 2:44am.

I am wide awake and have been since 11:03pm. Guess what woke me up at 11:03? Yes that’s right multiple rapid fire texts coming through my phone from a bank scam (the quantity of texts made me worry something was wrong with someone I know and love). I dislike scams to begin with, but when they cost me a night’s sleep, I hate them even more).

And now I’m just counting down the hours until I have to wake up. My alarm was set for 6am, but I’ve pushed it back as long as I possible can, 6:30am, to sneak in a few extra minutes of sleep assuming I ever fall asleep. But who knows when Little MPB will wake up, realistically my day could start even earlier.

.

Today I have to drive 3 hours for work. Its going to be an extra long day considering my current state of insomnia. I’m already dreading it.

And to make tonight more fun (sense the sarcasim), I am hiding from the puppy. If I move, I’ll wake her up and the screaming will undoubtable start. Which means the entire house will be awake. And let me tell you, I have no tolerance for anyone or anything waking up my sleeping toddler in the middle of the night. So, I’m hiding (and typing my first ever cell phone post, sorry for the typos). And hiding means no Sleepytime tea or warm milk because I’d have to enter the kitchen. Of course both sleepyime tea and warm milk are usually great at helping me get to sleep. (I did manage to get to Little MPBs remaining easter chocolate eggs from the top of a shelf in the living room, so I’m eating those while watching Friends re-runs).

Honestly the puppy training was going well – we actually had a few good “normal” puppy days in a row (by normal, I mean no excessive screaming just typical puppy antics like nipping, jumping and trying really hard to sit). But yesterday the dog went back to her normal screaming ways and all us are are beyond sick of it.

Really, this week has just sucked. It’s been one of those weeks where I wish I could crawl into bed and hide from the world. But alas, that’s not an option so I just trudging along.

I’m not sure what’s going on but my normally loveable little boy is struggling so much these days with hitting/throwing and just generally being overly crying at the smallest things. For example at dinner last night I offered him some naan bread and he freaked out and cried “no bread” between sobs with tears running down his cheeks and he didn’t stop until the bread was removed from the table. I think he’s going through some sort of mental developmental leap, but gosh is he struggling right now and it breaks my heart that he’s so easily upset and is struggling to express his emotions.

I managed to get my car fixed this week. So rather then pay for something we actually want or even nees, we paid for my bumper to be reattached to my car. Fun times.

Oh and since this is nothing more then a middle of the night complaining rant, I might as well mention that it’s snowing here again. And it rained first so everything is basically sheet of ice covered in snow. Which will make my drive today extra fun. But even more annoying is the fact that I’m pretty sure spring/summer is not happening this year. Is this some sort of karma or mother nature’s retaliation for all the not so good stuff going on in the world?

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