International Women’s Day.

What a fitting day to sit down and share.

I am a woman.  I am a fiercely independent woman.  I am a strong woman.  I fight for what’s right, and I stand up for what’s not.

Yet, here I am, just this week re-digesting the news that a male dominated medical profession f* me over years ago.  I am re-analyzing, re-reading, and re-researching.  It’s all coming back to me. 

Suddenly, almost out of no-where, I have severe adenomyosis.  This news is after years of invasive procedures that showed nothing wrong, and a medical system that kept telling me to “just keep trying, there is nothing wrong with you”.  Yet, I knew there was something wrong.  One doesn’t just loose 5 babies for no reason – sorry, that’s not normal.  Yet, no matter how loudly I screamed it, no medical professional in my country would listen to me.

I had to leave Canada to fine a doctor who would take me seriously.  In fact, Dr. Braverman also knew something was wrong.  I literally have a report that he wrote in 2013 which states “…her ultrasound examination also showed evidence for possible adenomyosis.”  Yet, no doctor here would even consider such a thing, instead they stuck with the “just keep trying, there is nothing wrong with you” strategy of putting me down.  And when I chose to

Now, years after everything, suddenly it’s not longer silent and my body is torturing me. And, I get to have a hysterectomy.

And of course, this has to happen in the middle of a global pandemic when medical services are severely limited.  I couldn’t have picked better timing if I tried. 

I’m angry that my “women’s” health was treated the way it was.  Very angry

So, I guess, I share this today to all women who may be reading this to say, keep fighting for what you know is right.  Don’t stop.  Don’t let anyone tell you that they know betterAs women, we need to continue to use our voices and push for the healthcare we deserve. (And education, and equal pay, and, and, and…)

A few other updates:

  • I still do not have confirmed endometriosis, even though Dr. Braverman suspected I have it.  While exploratory endo surgeries have started here in the last few years, without symptoms I am still not eligible.  And honestly, once we closed the door on biological reproduction, there was no need to have an exploratory surgery to diagnose something that hasn’t been causing me problem.  Yet, I fully suspect endo will be confirmed when I have the hysterectomy. 
  • Doodle MPB still lives with us.  Doodle MPB and I run 20+ km per week.  Running has been keeping us both (mostly) sane through the insanity of the last year.
  • Little MPB is a real little boy now.  No longer can I call him a toddler.  He is the most amazing little guy I’ve ever had the pleasure to know.  I count myself lucky every single day that I am his mom.  And, I wouldn’t change a thing about choosing adoption, it was the right decision for us. 

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A Little Update

Where to start?  General, 2019 has not been a good year for us.

January started with a family trip to Hawaii which was abruptly ended with a family member’s massive brain injury and lead to a surprise brain surgery in June.  Everything turned out okay considering how badly the original prognosis was.  Life is forever changed, but is still rather normal. 2019 also saw my Aunt’s cancer diagnosis and death. Her death has devastated me. And of course, other extended family drama has come up due to all the stress that everyone on both sides of our families have been experiencing.  Feelings have been hurt which have resulted in us putting up a few walls/boundaries to protect our hearts. I have lots of emotions around so many things that have transpired in 2019…

Oh, and Doodle MPB is still here.  She’s still crazy and insane.  But she is slowly becoming a crazy and insane dog, rather then a crazy and insane puppy.  And, we are actually starting to like her more often then we don’t. So progress is happening, albeit more slowly then we’d like.

My work is busier then I could ever have imagined and I’m looking forward to slowing down to a more normal pace in another year (or so).  Mr. MPB’s work has also gone through some challenging and stressful transitions which has resulted in him also working more then is ideal.

All the family stuff has meant that between Mr. MPB and I, we have done 7 solo flights around North America to be present and supportive with extended family at their times of need.  Plus add, in my work schedule which has required me to be away too much, our lives seem to be a lot of alternating solo parenting.  (Last month was particularly bad with me away for 21 nights due to both family and work).

At this point, I like to think we are surviving 2019, but we really aren’t living.  (I hope that makes sense).

Little MPB always has one parent around, obviously ensuring his care is top priory (as it always will be).  But, Mr. MPB and I have become more like like ships passing in the night.

Both Mr. MPB and I understand our lives in a temporary state of insanity.  We both try our best to pick up the slack when the other is either away or busy trying to get work done to meet deadlines.  We both try our best not to complain (we don’t always succeed at this, but we do try).

Little MPB has handled the insanity surprisingly well.  Of course, he has his bad days, but to be fair, we all do.  I have to admit, my favourite moment is always his whole body happiness when the three of us are back together.

I am cautiously optimistic that the end of 2019 and the start of 2020 will see our family regain a sense of normalcy in our daily routines.

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