I was picking up Little MPB from daycare the other day and another mother looked at Little MPB said hello to him and then turned to me and said Little MPB Gives Me Hope.

I wont lie, I was confused!!  All I could think was how does my child, who you only see at daycare, and who you know absolutely nothing about, give you hope?  I’ve been told before that I give people hope because we found our way to our little boy, after so much struggle and loss.  But I’ve never heard that he too gives people hope.  I loved hearing it, because hope is so amazing!  But I really didn’t understand.

I had no idea what to say, so instead I introduced myself to her and her little boy, who I had never met before and said thanks, why does he give you hope? I’ll admit, I am completely positive that I had an incredibly puzzled look on my face while asking her!

She went on to explain that her little boy just started daycare a few weeks ago and the transition has been rough.  She did a few transition days and was also so impressed by Little MPB everyday she was there.  Again, I asked why?  Evidently, all he does is smile and laugh all day long.  And she figured if he is that happy at daycare, maybe her kid will also like daycare soon.  I guess now her and her husband always say that there’s hope for their little boy to adjust if Little MPB is so happy at daycare.

I did tell her that our transition went horribly for the first week.  And everyone told me it would get better, and it did for us once he adjusted to the new routine.  I also told her that I still have not done a daycare drop off, because I am way too afraid to see him upset – it turns out neither has she!

But I wont lie, I absolutely loved hearing from someone who does not work at the daycare that he’s happy all day long.  We know Little MPB is an unbelievably happy kid – so much so that we often say he’s the happiest kid we’ve ever met, and so do the grandparents and family friends.  And, we are told all the time how happy Little MPB is at daycare – at every drop off and every pick up.  But, we were starting to wonder about daycare because it was starting to feel like a routine/standard comment.  So, having another mother reinforce just how happy he is at daycare made my day.

I guess this probably means the daycare transition has gone well and is officially done.

So while Little MPB may give her hope, she gave me additional peace of mind that Little MPB is okay at daycare and we picked the right location for him.  And peace of mind is a pretty amazing gift.

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Adoption Debt

When we chose international adoption to grow our family, we were quoted $25,000 – $40,000 USD.  Something we thought we could manage over a few years.

It was almost as though the second we signed on the dotted line, our costs started going up.  One surprise payment after another.  Eventually we were so far into it, that there was literally no turning back.  And so we actually stopped counting the dollars we were spending because it was literally causing panic attacks and stomach ulcers.

And then, all of the sudden, we were matched in almost record time – a great problem to have in the world of adoption where couples can wait years upon years.  Except, for us, this meant we had to find a way to pay over $65,000 USD ($85,000 CAD) + all travel expenses within approximately 1 year.

Now, we didn’t have $65, 000 USD + just sitting in the bank waiting to be spent.  Unfortunately, we simply aren’t independently wealthy and we are yet to win the lottery.  We chose not to fundraise because we decided that other people need financial support more then we do and we never received any help from our family or friends.

This meant that the debt was ours, and ours alone.  We paid what we could in cash as the initial pre-match installments were due.  Once we were matched and everything was due instantly, we used a line of credit to continue to be able to make the rest of the payments.  We simply had no other choice but to go into debt.

Between Mr. MPB and I, we had begun referring to this debt as our Adoption Debt or Baby MPB Debt.  Both names we hated.  But the names stuck and we cringed each time we talked about it and/or dealt with payments.

And now, for over a year, we’ve been paying it off each and every month to the best of our abilities.  We always make our minimum payment, and whenever we can we pay more.  Asides from our mortgage, we’ve never had debt before.  Needless to say, we don’t cope well with debt hanging over our heads and we desperately want to get rid of this hole.  But, we also decided we didn’t want to completely compromise our lifestyle to pay off the Adoption Debt quickly – we decided not to live like hermits and give up our lifestyle comforts, we decided to both work full time with the help of a nanny (and now daycare) and we also decided not to pursue a second child in large part because we cannot bare the thought of doubling our debt.

(If only we were independently wealthy so we could have it all!)

.

So, when our mortgage came up for renewal a few weeks ago, we did something we never thought we’d do – we amalgamated our Adoption Debt into our mortgage.  And at the same time we basically wiped away all the mortgage payments we have made on our house in an instant.  We thought long and hard about this decision and in the end we did it because:

  • Interest rates are so low that it made sense from a financial perspective because our mortgage interest rate is lower then the line of credit interest rate.
  • Spreading the payments out over the life of our mortgage also made sense – 20 years to pay it all off.
  • Removing our Adoption Debt from our lives made us both feel a sense of relief.  Yes, in essence, it’s still there, but it’s not an independent monthly payment so it’s not front and centre in our lives.  Every time we paid an installment or discussed our Adoption Debt, we were bitter at the sheer cost of having one child – more then the average family makes in a year, that’s insane!  And, every time we paid an installment it was a reminder the treatment we received at the hands of our USA adoption agency.
  • Soon enough Little MPB is going to know what we are talking about, and the last thing we ever want to mistakenly have him over hear is a discussion about our Adoption Debt/Little MPB Debt.  That’s not something we ever want to burden him with – it was our choice, and even though it cost us a small fortune, we are beyond thankful for Little MPB.  By amalgamating our debt, it means he will never over hear that conversation because we wont be having it anymore.  Those terms are no longer part of our vocabulary.

Really, we made this decision because we ready to move on from the negativity that this Adoption Debt brought into our lives.

And so, with those 2 quick signatures we are technically Adoption Debt free.  And if all goes to plan in 20 years we will be mortgage free and truly Adoption Debt free.

If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.

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