I checked in with my doctor, and yes, I very likely do have an ulcer.  (There is no way to know for sure without another endoscope, but I wont be getting one of those anytime soon – I appreciate the Canadian health care system it is so much better then so many alternatives out there.  Especially when it comes to emergencies, but unfortunately non-emergent specialist appointments for things like a suspected ulcer, can take months (and months and months) and may never happen because the criteria to get a referral is so stringent).  The good news is that I now have non-expired medication.  The bad news is that the medication will take a few weeks to kick in.

My symptoms are spot on from the last few ulcers that I’ve had, so my doctor is confident that the problem.  If my stomach gets too empty, I’m in pain.  If I eat, I am in immense, crippling pain.  It’s a weird pain, it’s a combination of sever pain and the desperate desire to vomit.  But, I cannot vomit.  Instead, I eat small amounts of water and whole wheat bread throughout the day.  And some juice.  That’s it.  And let me tell you, it’s been less then a week of this diet, and I’ve had enough of it!

It was one thing to half starve myself to avoid the pain last time I had this, before Little MPB.  But now it’s not really possible.

Keeping up with a toddler requires nutritional food.

And, truthfully, for me, just being a happy person requires more of a balanced diet then just bread and water.

While we had a fantastic long weekend together, it was just me taking care of Little MPB while Mr. MPB was away fishing with the boys (it’s their yearly trip, which he skipped last year).  Little MPB and I had fun playing outside in the beautiful sunshine.  I loved not working for 3 straight days, and just playing with my favourite little guy.  But, I am completely exhausted.  In fact, is there a word for being beyond exhausted?  Because, that’s what I am – beyond exhausted.

But what pisses me off the most about this, if I had paid attention to my body, I would have been able to catch this early.  If I had listened to my stomach, I wouldn’t be this sick right now and I wouldn’t be facing a 4-6 (possibly 8) week recovery.

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Little MPB’s first official full day at daycare was March 6.  Since then, every single day, Mr. MPB has dropped Little MPB off.

Well, today that changed.

Friday was my very first time dropping Little MPB off at daycare by myself.

I fully acknowledge that it’s taken me over 2 months before I was willing/ready/required to drop him off myself.  Mom fail?  Maybe, but I’m totally okay with this mom fail.  The thought of leaving my crying child just breaks my heart.  I knew I couldn’t do it, and thankfully Mr. MPB was able to.

But I do need to admit that there was a condition with my first daycare drop-off: if Little MPB cries, I’m never doing it again as per the above mentioned crying child problem.

I’m told, by Mr. MPB, that there hasn’t been drop-off tears since the first week and Little MPB became more accustomed to his new routine.  But I just haven’t been willing to do it myself, because what-if he responds differently when I drop him off?

Thankfully, there were no tears this morning. I gave him a hug, set him down and he promptly walked towards his friends.  He looked back at me with sad little eyes, but before he could get upset one of the teachers started playing with him.  I said bye-bye and headed out the door.

I’d say it went rather well.  He didn’t cry.  And, I didn’t even cry when I got back to my car to drive away.

But, honestly, I have no plans to make this drop-off a regular occurrence.  Mr. MPB often drives past the daycare in the morning, so it makes sense for him to do the drop-offs.  But, at least now I know I can handle it when I have to.

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