I just got a notice that I have been writing in this space for 5 years.  My Perfect Breakdown has existed for 5 years?!?!  I almost find that hard to believe.

And yet, for what feels like the first time in 5 years, I’m truly in a writing funk.  In fact, I’m struggling to write.  Which is suspect is obvious to many of my regular followers as I’m writing has been spotty at best for a few months.

And if there is one thing I know about me, I need to write to process life, both the bad and the good.  So, silence is not generally a good thing for me.  And yet, I don’t feel like I’m in a terribly unhealthy spot at the moment.  Realistically, I just feel like all my effort is going into the daily grind.

Between chasing the world’s cutest and active 3 year old (says every very biased mommy), running my own consulting firm, dealing with very ill family and facing my own struggles that come along with family illness and drama, I’m just at a loss for spare time to write.  Then add in the fact that I’ve lost confidence in WordPress after someone figured out who I am, I’m not even sure exactly what I should share and/or shouldn’t share.

For better or worse, I’m lost right now.

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Just when I thought February couldn’t get any worse, it finds a way to as I now have three very dear family members in three very unfortunate, life altering (and in some cases life ending) medical states.

First, which I have mentioned before, a very important Aunt in my life is current experiencing advanced stages of Alzheimer’s.  We know that her health continues to fail in the long and drawn out way that occurs with Alzheimer’s.  My heart continues to break for the life she is currently enduring.  And, we continue to brace ourselves for her passing, which seems to be drawing nearer with every update.

Second, one of Mr. MPB’s immediately family members, experienced a life altering medical emergency in January.  By some sort of miracle, they survived.  Thankfully.  However, after receiving some more scary and confusing news about a week ago, it has now been determined that they are experiencing another medical situation that require brain surgery.  Now, I’m not an expert in medical stuff, but I am fairly confident brain surgery is never a good thing, unless you are neurologist performing the surgery.  Once the surgery date is scheduled Mr. MPB will be travelling to be there and support his family.

And most recently, I learned that my most beloved Aunt in the entire world has pancreatic cancer.  (She knows of this blog and while I don’t think she reads it, please only post positive things here incase she read this).  This Aunt, well, she’s been nothing short of a real life hero in my life.  After my mom and sister died when I was 14, she stepped into my life in a way that no-one else seemed to.  She advocated for me, she supported me, she made sure to take care of teenage girl things and she was always there to listen to me.  And I mean always there for me, day or night.  Basically, at the absolute worst time in my life, my aunt, living halfway across North America, found a way to love me and support me, even while raising 5 kids of her own, in a way that no-one else seemed to.  She literally helped keep my head screwed on straight at such a critical time in my life.  And, then years later, when we chose adoption, she was a supportive and loving confidant and source of understanding and inspiration as she too has grown her family through adoption.  She is truly an inspirational women.  If I can be even half the women she is, then I will consider myself to have done okay in life.  Needless to say, when I was told of her diagnosis, I was absolutely devastated.  But, I’ve picked myself back up, and will be sending only positive thoughts out into the universe.  Positivity, love and hope is what is needed right now (and her team of great doctors will probably help too).  We live too far apart for frequent visits, but I can assure you, I will be making an effort to cross the continent to offer any support possible to her and her family.

At this point, I just hope we can get through the rest of February without any more bad news.  And I also really hope that March will offer up some good news, as I could use a change of pace.

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