I started my blog at a pivotal point in my life. Life wasn’t going the way I ever imagined it would. I was struggling to keep my head above water and I felt utterly alone in my struggle. When I started writing, I chose the name My Perfect Breakdown because:
- For better or worse, I have a tendency to always try to do things perfectly. Or at least as perfectly as a human is capable of.
- At some point, I realized that my attempt at perfection wasn’t going as smoothly as I wanted it to. My breaking post was having multiple miscarriages. And, so, with my husband at my side I resigned from my decently high paying professional career, and decided it was time to focus on learning to live in a new and healthier way.
- If I’m going to have a breakdown, I’m sure as heck going to try to do it perfectly. You know hire all the experts (i.e. career counselor, mental health counselor); try all kinds of healthy living strategies like finding happy moments every day for 365 days, writing through my emotions and experiences, and leaning into fear, etc. Ya, the irony of a perfect breakdown is not lost on me, yet I was bound and determined to do it perfectly.
My Perfect Breakdown started as a window into the heart and soul of my life. A place where my story, my truth, my emotions were laid out for the world to see.
While this is all still true, the reality is that the meaning of my blog and these three words is actually greater then just the events that occurred when I started my blog.
Today, these three words evoke much deeper meaning in my heart.
For me it’s really about the way that I’ve lived my life. I’ve spent nearly my entire life, since my mom and sister died, trying to live perfectly for them, yet often being just one step away from my breaking point. As a teenager, I worked hard to put on a facade to the world that I was surviving and my family was “normal”, yet on a nearly-daily basis I felt like an after-though from my Dad and step-mom. And then, I lived the same way with Mr. MPB, trying to be perfect even though he knew me well enough to know that I was far from perfect and never once expected me to be perfect. And then I literally lived for our babies. I tried to do everything perfectly to give them a head start in life, and yet it was out of my control and I truly failed miserably for the first real time. My facade was broken, but more importantly so was my heart and soul.
So really, My Perfect Breakdown, is all about my life trying to lead a perfect life and realizing that it’s impossible. Learning to embrace my faults and not hide from them. Leaning to stay grounded in the present and hope for the future. Leaning to let go of control and accept and live a messy life. Learning to accept myself for who I truly am. Learning that sometimes no matter how hard you try life will not go the way you want. And more then anything, learning to embrace a different path to my family then I had ever envisioned.
So, no matter what happens in my life – miscarriage and loss, open adoption, dogs, marriage, photography, travel, work, friendship, trips to the zoo with toddler(s) or death of a loved one, I am confident that My Perfect Breakdown is always going to be part of my heart and soul.
My Perfect Breakdown is a place of positivity and encouragement. Please leave positive comments on any post, I love hearing from you. However, note that I do reserve the right to moderate when and if necessary.
You can also contact me privately at firstname.lastname@example.org or using the form below:
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Our stories are very much the same. I will continue to follow your blog and pray for you : )
I am so sorry for all of your losses. We have gone through three losses so far (one second trimester, and two first trimester) and so I understand how painful it can be. I am always looking for more blogs to add to my daily reader, and I am happy to have stumbled upon yours. I look forward to reading future posts. Best wishes to you.
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I wish no-one had to experience such lose, but its nice to be part of a “community” who gets it.
Welcome and thank you for following and reading along! I too just found your blog and will be following yours.
Thank you for following my blog! I look forward to reading more of yours!!
Hopefully you enjoy what you find on my blog. Depending on the day or week, it always seems to be changing slightly.
Thanks for stopping by and happy reading!
I have been invited by a friend of mine to participate in a blog hop for women in writing. She is a fellow blogger. Not an IF/RPL blogger, but a green living blogger, so her writing focus is different than ours, but it doesn’t matter. This is just a way to connect female bloggers across all communities. Anyway, I am wondering if you would like to participate? Below are links to my friend’s blog hop post and the post preceding hers. If you’re interested in participating, can you send me your a photo of you and a short bio? My email address is email@example.com. You can see my bio in my friend’s post for reference. I would like to put my post up by the end of next week, and then I think you have a week or so to put your post up after mine.
What do you think? Is this something you would want to do?
Here are the links:
My friend’s post:
The post preceding hers:
I’m just sending you an email now. I think this is a great idea to promote women bloggers! Thanks for thinking of me, I’m very flattered and happy to be included. 🙂
I forgot to mention how it works 🙂
You just have to write a brief description about why you write, then answer the questions in bold and then post pics and bios for 2-3 people who you invite to participate.
I’ve just nominated you for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award (http://justonemoretimeagain.wordpress.com/2014/07/30/very-inspiring-blogger-award/). Thanks for writing such inspirational posts! 🙂
Awe, thanks so much!! I am truly honored that you are inspired by my writing. I too love your blog, and am so happy I am able to follow your journey.
Hi! I’ve nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blog Award (http://findinghopeaftermiscarriage.wordpress.com/2014/07/30/very-inspiring-blog-award/) Just wanted to let you know that your blog makes me find hope!
I’ve just found your blog and I look forward to reading your story! I am so sorry for all of your losses. I can’t imagine what you have been through up to this point. I guess that is the one upside of not being able to get pregnant yet, I have not had to worry about enduring the loss of my baby. Thank you for following my blog also. 🙂
Thanks so much for your words of support. Yes, enduring losing babies completely sucks (to say the very least), but I can only imagine the heartache of struggling to get pregnant. Either way, both our journeys have been far more complicated then either one of us would like!
Anyways, thanks for finding my blog so that I could also find yours! I hope you get your little one soon, and I look forward to learning from you through your experiences.
i found your blog through another blogger. I am so sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing your story so openly – I know from experience that it is difficult to do so. I lost my twin boys at 22.5 weeks after two years of trying to conceive. Your blog is very well written and I wish you the best of luck in your journey.
Thank you very much Krystal, your words are so kind. And, thank you for sharing your blog as well, I look forward to following and learning form you. Reading your blog, I quickly came to admire your strength and courage. Wishing you the best.
I read the following article today (see link below). I thought of you and one other blogger. I know that some people in your life have been unsympathetic to your journey and they actually *should* have shown much more care in their expression of their thoughts. Although this article may not teach them how to respond to people who are undergoing personal crisis it’s out here for you to read:
I found the concept very fascinating and recall when I’ve been less than sympathetic / empathetic at times, but mostly recall those who have been unsympathetic to me making my grief / sadness / loss all about them.
Hugs to you brave woman!
Thanks so much for sharing this. Such a wonderful perspective, and I love the idea of the rings! It’s brilliant!
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My heart aches for you that you have had so much sadness in your life. You are a wonderful writer and your resilience amazes me. YOU are amazing.
Thank you so much for your unbelievably kind words. I am touched and humbled that my story and my writing is able to elicit such emotion. Thank you from the depths of my heart.
Another Cute Baby video that I just had to share with you. A little reminder that things don’t have to be “perfect” to be beautiful… 🙂
Annnd … here’s something else that turned up in my Reader, that I thought would give you happy feelings… 🙂 http://amayzinggraces.com/2015/07/13/music-monday-youll-be-in-my-heart/
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Love the new “About Me” section! I should probably look at updating mine also, lol.
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Thank you so much my friend! I’m amazed to think about how much life has changed since I first wrote my about page, a new version was definitely needed. 🙂
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I was wondering about the name of your blog! That was lovely writing, by the way.
Awe, thanks so much! I love learning about how others name their blogs, it’s so often such a personal thing. 🙂
Love the update! I should probably go back and look at mine as well lol!
Thanks Amy!! It’s amazing how much life has changed since I first started my blog, it was nice to reflect on all of that. I’ll be reading your update whenever you do it! 🙂
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I honestly don’t even remember what mine says lol! I think I need to update my timeline as well, as I’m not sure where I left off with that either. Since I’m supposed to be doing nothing this week, maybe I’ll take a look at it on my day off!