Rant: Adoption Waiting

Today is one of those days.  Yes, that’s right, I’m going to rant.

And in the nature of a good rant, rather then beat around the bush, I’ll just say it.

I HATE WAITING.

We’ve been waiting for long enough and I’ve had enough!

I always said I wanted to be pregnant with my first by the time I was 29.  Second by the time i was 32.

Well, the joke is on me.  I guess I should have specified that I wanted a living child, rather then just pregnant.  Since you know, pregnant with our first at 29 and our fifth and last before I was 32. And of course beyond all of this, I’m guessing I’ll be at least 33 before we have living child number 1, and who knows if number 2 will ever even exist.  I’m sick of compromising on all my dreams, and still being left without.

I’m sick and tired of watching everyone else have their children and having to be happy for them and hide my personal sorrow.

I’m sick of talking to our parents and hearing the joy in their voices as they talk about their grandchildren.

I’m sick of being envious and bitter and angry and frustrated.  I’m beyond tired of having all these emotions running through my veins with no escape.

I’m sick of working to pay for an adoption, instead of working to pay for our child’s future education.  Heck, I’m sick of working, I want to be a mom and spend my days with our child.

I’m sick of sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring instead of living.

I’m tired of being patient and answering the question of any adoption updates yet?

I’m tired of living in a big family house with no sounds of children laughter.

I’m sick of nesting without having an end date in sight.

And all the while, we just get to sit here, waiting with no end in sight. There is no way to know just how long the wait will be.  There is no magical adoption fairy that can give me a real time estimate.  Honestly, I just want a magical adoption fairy to enter my life with some good news!

Oh, and while I am stuck waiting for our family with absolutely no end in sight, we get the added bonus of paying adoption bills while I wait.  As if paying the bills will somehow help pass the time, without making this girl bitter.

I’ve had enough!

I just want what I want, and I want it now!  Sans compromise!

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52 Comments on “Rant: Adoption Waiting

  1. I hear you, and I really hope your wait will end very, very soon. You’ve waited long enough! I continue to hold you in my thoughts and pray that your child makes his or her way into your lives in a short period of time.

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  2. I’d call this a well deserved rant. Waiting is so hard, especially when it’s for something you’ve been expecting your whole life, and wanting for the last 5 years. I hope these families realize how lucky they would be to chose you to adopt their child, and your wait will be a short one. *hugs*

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  3. This rant is so understandable. I am so frustrated for you. I really admire you for holding it together and even thinking of others. I hope with everything I have that the wait is short. You next phase in life is going to be amazing and I want it to get here already. In the meantime hopefully you can distract yourself with work and loving on Mr. MPB. Wish I could do more than just wish and hope for you. Xo

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  4. Amen, Sister! That rant is totally deserved and understandable. Waiting sucks and so does the unknown. In the mean time, I hope you are able to find something fabulous to do to distract you. I loved the idea you emailed me about having a cheap date each week. It’s definitely something we’re going to hopefully be working on here. I haven’t had a chance to talk to J about it yet. Sending you big hugs and lots of love, my friend!

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  5. Oh rant away, totally understandable. A good rant helps. This journey to being a parent is all about waiting right and I hate waiting. As for being bitter I am so there with you. I really am hoping that you are not waiting too much longer, when the wait is over it is going to be amazing for you and worth every bit the wait. I am here for you while you wait though, we all are. xo

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  6. I hear you. And no, you are not ranting, you are crying out loud for your child to join you soon. Come home baby, come home soon, your mommy is getting sad without you.
    Hugs hon

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  7. If you asked me to rant I would just forward your post to you. I couldn’t have said it any different because you hit the nail on the head, directly. We are still WAITING for the call to schedule our homestudy. It’s all just a game of waiting to see who is the most patient. You are in my thoughts and prayers 🙂

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  8. There’s nothing wrong with ranting! And you have every right to be angry and annoyed and frustrated with the situation. It sucks that it’s such a waiting game, and that there’s nothing you can do about it. I feel like we’re in a bit of the same situation, though I know we’re in such different circumstances. It sucks being forced to wait, and wait, and wait some more; especially when it hits you right when you thought you were finally making some headway. I have that nesting feeling as well, and a big house meant for a family with nothing but us and our cats. I hope that things turn around for both of us very soon!! And in the mean time, feel free to rant away!

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  9. You have every right to rant! Your adoption bills comment reminded me of Infertile Girl in a Fertile World who got her embryo storage bill a week after her baby was born. :/ Being a working mom is a hard compromise. I want to be able to give my child more than I had (help with university, etc), so I can’t ever see myself giving up my career. It pulls at my heart to know I won’t spend as much time at home as my own Mom did with me though. I still believe you will get some news this winter … which isn’t far off. We are supposed to get snow early this year aren’t we? 🙂

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  10. Spending a lot of money and then waiting an indeterminate amount of time to see if it pans out is frustrating even to those with saint-like patience.

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  11. Much deserved rant. I have just started following your journey, but the recap you gave filled me in enough to know that your well deserved to be exhausted from waiting. Did they give you an eta on the adoption procedure. My heart truly goes out to your family. I cannot imagine what it would be like to sit there waiting for something you always dreamed you would have. It seems like you have no control over the situation, which would just drive me completely mad. It’s always the ones that deserve children that cannot conceive. Doesn’t it frustrate you that there’s millions of women out there that have one night stands that get knocked up in a second while you and your family wait…wait and wait for a blessing. It frustrated me while we were ttc. No where near your issues, but the whole fertility drug loop was a whirlwind. The fact that we had to “pay” for our children really frustrated me. I can only imagine how you feel. My heart again goes out to you and yours. Your in my thoughts!!

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  12. It’s weird, but I woke up thinking about you this morning. I can’t imagine how frustrating the waiting is. I hope great news is on its way soon!

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  13. My heart is right there with you. I hate that you have to wait… It just drives me insane the slowness of the process to even get matched up with a bio-parent. Sometimes I wish the bio-parents had the knowledge we do of how hard it is to go through infertility and miscarriage. (I mean I would never ever wish this nightmare on anyone. I just wish they understood it more) Because maybe their heart would lurch a little bit more when they know how much each adoptive parent wants to care for a child. Not that I think we should play on the heart stings of bio-parents. But maybe they would understand the longing and depth of pain on the other side of adoption. I want you to have your family so bad.

    I am so sorry you have to hear about others starting their families and your parents taking about grandchildren. It is so heartbreaking being on this side, and sometimes I think some people just don’t get it.

    Sending you a huge hug buddy.

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  14. Waiting is always the worst part. Rant away friend…it’s frustrating, because usually when we pay for something, there is pretty much instant gratification, i mean, even my Amazon Prime does next day or two day delivery…wish the adoption process was like that…Hurry up and wait, they say. Praying that you guys get a call soon…I’m tired of waiting with you to hear some good news…thinking of you both and sending love your way…

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    • Thanks for getting it! I love that you compared adoption to amazon prime – you’re right though, we are used to instant gratification and this whole adoption thing is a test of patience because there is nothing instant about it, as you well know! Love right back at you!

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  15. Waiting F-Ing sucks!! I hate that the adoption process is just as much a mind game as all the rest. That phone is going to ring though and life will change in a flash. Hold on to that! And rant as much as you need to to pass the time 🙂

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  16. You have every right and reason to rant and be bitter. You know that I am a self-professed bitter infertile. 😉 I think it’s next to impossible to be in your situation and not be bitter, quite honestly.

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    • First, I have never once thought of you as a bitter infertile.
      Second, I think you make a good point about anyone walking the infertile path (whatever their exact path looks like) being bitter. This crap we are dealing with is real, it’s bound to have an impact on us.

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  17. I feel you, my friend. Each phase of acquiring the baby you’re meant to have has been gruelling. From RPL to investigating the reasons for your RPL, to adoption hoops, I feel like you have been sooo patient. I hope that your wait isn’t much longer. I’m so certain that if birth moms knew how wonderful you and Mr. MPB are, that you’d get picked so quickly. Sending you lots of love, and the strength to stay optimistic.

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  18. I know this sounds trite but I think once you have your kiddo you will forget about the wait. I’m sure it’s horrid but when it’s over – and you’re a mum – it will seem inconsequential. Stay strong. Enjoy the wait. I know that sounds counter intuitive but when it’s done and you’re a mum – everything will be different. X

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    • I so hope you are right!! Part of me thinks you are right, we’ll just kind of move on with life. But, part of me also hopes I do remember so I appreciate everything a bit more, if you know what I mean?

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  19. As an adoptee, consider this. Although your rant seems warranted and you are indeed doing a good thing in adopting… the person you are adopting is probably SICK of being in an orphanage. Is probably sick of answering “have you been adopted yet.” Is probably sick of not living in a real home. Is probably… etc etc etc.

    As bad as you have it… they aren’t having it any better. Just a thought.

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    • Thank you for stopping by and reading. I 100% agree with you in regards to adoptions from an orphanage. We will be adopting an infant who’s birth mom (and possibly father) choose us. We will likely meet the child the day they are born, so it’s a bit different in that the child who is living in an orphanage. That said, I think you make a very good point about a birth mother who will ultimately choose us, and the questions they are facing and the agonizing decisions they are making. And, as hard as it is for me to be waiting, it’s got to be even harder on her to be making this life decision.

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  20. I can really connect with this right now. Living in limbo is so difficult. Hoping the adoption stork visits you sooner than later!!

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  21. I feel ya sister. Let it out! I think I’d go crazy if I kept in all my emotions. And honestly, Id like ta ditto your post- I feel the same way you do about waiting. (Just shy of trying for 5 yrs, 3 IUIs, 2 rounds of IVF, pregnant with twins- lost them, pregnant with 1-lost that baby too, and every test and pretty much procedure you could think of. were waiting on round 3 of IVF. )
    But scream at the top f your lungs, it doesn’t help to trap it inside! Kudos girl.

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  22. Of course you’re sick of it. Antoine would be and you have the right to feel exasperated. I truly hope… Well, you know what I truly hope. I’ve been thinking of you. Sorry for not writing when I think of you. I (or a certain helper of about 3 feet in height) somehow uninstalled the WP app a few days ago and I only just realized I have not been keeping abreast of others’ lives lately… Oops! Sorry for checking out. I take it you survived the long weekend but now are frustrated as heck. I wish I had a magic wand…

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  23. It’s so cathartic to let it all out. Waiting is hell. It just is hell when it comes to waiting for what so many people take for granted – a family. Wishing you peace and some developments very, very soon xxx

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  24. I have a very good friend who, whenever I complained about the waiting game trying to get pregnant or complain about how long pregnancy actually ends up being, tells me that everything leading up to having your baby is just an exercise in the kind of patience you’ll need to raise him/her. Now, I should also say that I want to punch her in the throat when she says this sometimes, because seriously… Who the hell wants to be stuck in waiting limbo forever?! FEEL BAD FOR ME DAMMIT. But… she does kind of have a point. When your baby gets here, you will have Buddhist monk enlightenment levels of patience. Like, Mother Theresa, Gandhi level patience. And you’ll undoubtedly be a better parent for it.

    Small consolation, I know 🙂

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  25. Oh how I get this girly….I’m SO SICK of waiting..and paying for medical bills, etc…blah. I hate pretending to be happy too…just over it! But for some reason, I keep going…day after day just believing that I am one day closer, hour closer to my child becoming real. So complain away…as I am right there with you complaining…I know one day it will all be different…but we are allowed to feel however we want while we are going through it…because if you haven’t been through it…then you don’t know…and most don’t. Lots of love and encouragement sent to you…and if you need anything…just let me know..xoxo

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  26. Good post. I relate to all of it. I always say that the last four years of my life, I have been emotionally stuck in a waiting room. And I think what I found soooooo frustrating was that it was real and also magnified in my own mind. We ARE all really on pause, but we’re also not – floors get swept, we go to weddings, work, we get flus, we go on vacations – we live – but always there’s a missing piece. It’s frustrating and for me, it was hard to enjoy the wait. I tried to make the most of it and even now I don’t know if this is our take home baby, and I knew it was important to make the most of life. But I always had the awareness in my mind that in my grand scheme of things the wait was a holding pattern until I stepped into my “real future”. And damn, les not even talk about the fear of wondering if my real future could ever even happen….

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