One or Two?
As a teenager I thought little kids were just a pain in the butt – so I never thought I’d have a bunch of them,. And then as a young teenager I got much younger step-siblings and I found myself babysitting them frequently and I found myself saying that I didn’t want children. Heck, I think at one point I said I’m going to have a kid free wedding just so that my step-siblings wouldn’t be able to come (yes, at some point I grew up and they were at my wedding – I really do love my step-siblings just as I do my biological siblings).
Anyways, at some point I decided I wanted two, ideally one boy and one girl. When Mr. MPB came into my life I discovered he also wanted two. We really were a match made in heaven.
Then we went down the unexpected path of recurrent pregnancy loss and lost five flickers of life. The dream of two slowly turned to the dream of one, and then slowly started to vanish altogether.
At some point of conversations of when we have kids started to turn into if we have kids.
In many ways, we stopped believing it would happen. For a while, we stopped even talking about when or if, we just ignored our possibly reality – we practiced the ostrich approach (i.e. head in the sand). We almost had to, in many ways it was a matter of survival – preparing ourselves for the worst because we had come to only know the worst possible outcome of pregnancy.
We both acknowledge ideally we’d still like two children – we want them to have each other, to share the same type of bonds we had with our siblings growing up.
Some days we’ve talked about two. Most day’s we just stay focused on the goal of having one.
We talk about the benefits of two:
- possibly friends for ever.
- always having a playmate so they would never being lonely as a child.
- caring for their old parents together is less of a burden.
We now also talk about the benefits of one:
- We will be able to provide a really high quality of life for one child, and they would get to experience the world in a way that we probably couldn’t afford with two.
- We can shower our one child with constant love and attention – we will not be splitting our time between children.
- We have no way of knowing if two will be friends in adulthood, so we cannot assume that they will be.
We’ve realized lately that unless we win the lottery or miraculously get twins this time around, it is very unlikely that we can afford to adopt a second time. So now I am trying to accept the fact that we will likely only have one child. I know, never say never, but honestly with adoption it’s not like an accident can just happen when everything about adoption is highly calculated and planned.
I’m trying really hard to remember that right now we just have to focus on getting through our first adoption and having one baby. I’m trying to remember that having one child will be pretty amazing considering everything we’ve been through, and if we only have one we will make it amazing. Probably most importantly, right now I’m trying to remind myself that I cannot worry about something so far into the future.
If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.