Moving from Baby Loss(es) to Adoption
So this incredible and amazing thing is unfolding before my eyes.
People everywhere are getting really excited for us to adopt.
I started to notice it right away, when we were first talking to our family doctor to get our medicals done one of the receptionist was very excited for us. She probably didn’t know our history, and she probably had no idea this was the first time we had told ANYONE we decided to adopt. Her excitement threw me, and I honestly had no idea how to react to it. No-one had ever been excited for us before. It was such an unfamiliar and odd feeling.
But, not we have now shared the news with almost everyone we deemed as being close enough that we wanted to tell them ourselves. This means the news will now spread from here to the family friends and acquaintances.
Many of these people do not know our history of loss. We’ve chosen to keep it that way because we want to share our decision to adopt as positively as possible. We want to say things like we are excited to adopt, not things like we have had 5 miscarriages so we are deciding to adopt. We want to phrase our adoption positively. This does not mean we have forgotten or that we are not still hurting. It does not mean we are ashamed and it most definitely does not mean that we will never speak of them again. We are still hurting, and I know we will never forget and we will always speak about our lost children. However, what it does mean is that our adopted child is not forever cloaked in the story of our lost children. And, we feel pretty strongly that our experiences should not taint our child’s story and their future.
So, right now, we are watching everyone get really excited. Some days I am slightly frustrated by it and I hate some of my feelings which are grounded in fear. We’ve lost 5 babies, and I am no so afraid of hoping that we will have a change of heart / failed adoption. I’m afraid to be excited. I’m afraid of getting hurt again. I am simply afraid and I am mad at RPL for doing this to me.
Yet, we’ve realized that as we see more and more people getting excited for us, we are feeling more and more excited ourselves. It turns out that the old saying of misery loves company seems to be true in the reverse –
Excitement and happiness are contagious!
While I have no doubt we will still battle fears ad we will still be faced with moments of grief for all that we have lost. I am also confident that the further we get into the adoption process, the more excited we will become! And honestly, it’s pretty cool to see happiness and excitement in our future.
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