Rant: Adoption Waiting
Today is one of those days. Yes, that’s right, I’m going to rant.
And in the nature of a good rant, rather then beat around the bush, I’ll just say it.
I HATE WAITING.
We’ve been waiting for long enough and I’ve had enough!
I always said I wanted to be pregnant with my first by the time I was 29. Second by the time i was 32.
Well, the joke is on me. I guess I should have specified that I wanted a living child, rather then just pregnant. Since you know, pregnant with our first at 29 and our fifth and last before I was 32. And of course beyond all of this, I’m guessing I’ll be at least 33 before we have living child number 1, and who knows if number 2 will ever even exist. I’m sick of compromising on all my dreams, and still being left without.
I’m sick and tired of watching everyone else have their children and having to be happy for them and hide my personal sorrow.
I’m sick of talking to our parents and hearing the joy in their voices as they talk about their grandchildren.
I’m sick of being envious and bitter and angry and frustrated. I’m beyond tired of having all these emotions running through my veins with no escape.
I’m sick of working to pay for an adoption, instead of working to pay for our child’s future education. Heck, I’m sick of working, I want to be a mom and spend my days with our child.
I’m sick of sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring instead of living.
I’m tired of being patient and answering the question of any adoption updates yet?
I’m tired of living in a big family house with no sounds of children laughter.
I’m sick of nesting without having an end date in sight.
And all the while, we just get to sit here, waiting with no end in sight. There is no way to know just how long the wait will be. There is no magical adoption fairy that can give me a real time estimate. Honestly, I just want a magical adoption fairy to enter my life with some good news!
Oh, and while I am stuck waiting for our family with absolutely no end in sight, we get the added bonus of paying adoption bills while I wait. As if paying the bills will somehow help pass the time, without making this girl bitter.
I’ve had enough!
I just want what I want, and I want it now! Sans compromise!
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