I’ve made no secrete of the fact that we had a rough time with our USA adoption agency.  In fact, had we known how horrible the experience was going to be, we would never have worked with this agency.  We knew it wasn’t going to be a great process early on because right after we signed up and paid our deposit, they raised their rates three times, to the point where we began contemplating other options, but ultimately were too financially invested with them to make any changes.

But, I have never shared what actually happened to us in the USA.  And, so today, I’ve decide it’s time to dig deep and share some of the down-right cruel and horrible things our USA adoption agency said and did to us while we were in the USA with our son.  And, I’m going to do this over the next three days.

But, before I start, I have 4 caveats.

  1. We had limited choices in the agencies that we could work with – in fact, there were only 5 agencies in all of the USA that were approved to work with our province in Canada – the regulations are based on the Hague Convention (international treaty governing international adoptions) and are rather strict.
  2. This is the only USA agency we have worked with.  I have no ability to comment if any other agency is better or worse.
  3. I am not sharing these things to scare people off of adoption.  Rather, I want to share what we went through in it’s entirety to educate people on adoption, the good and the bad.
  4. I will not publically share the name of the agency.

I’m going to start by sharing the least offensive and hurtful of the three most memorable horrible things they said to us while we were in the USA with our new baby.

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I have no recollection of how it came up in conversation with our USA agency, but I will never forget the comment they made to us while we were in the USA with our son, who was only a few days old.  It was a simple comment, but one that struck me deeply:

Be happy, at least you can adopt.

They were right, at least we can adopt.  At least for us, adoption was a route that let us have the family we desperately dreamed to have.  After loosing multiple babies, after almost giving up on having a child, adoption was right for us.

And yet, I am keenly aware that many people can not afford to adopt even if they wanted to.  Many other people are so intimidated by the adoption process, that they choose not to pursue it.  And others, decide the unknowns and the stereotypical adoption fears are too much for them to pursue adoption.  And even some others are not approved to adopt, possibly because of their own medical issues, their age, their sexual orientation, etc.  So yes, at least we can adopt, we are fortunate to have this option open to us.

But, what wasn’t okay is that I felt like this comment was just a flippant as those who are outside of the adoption/infertility world and say just adopt to a couple who is struggling to conceive.  For me, these words are cruel.

And those words coming from an agency that is supposed to understand adoption (and infertility), are just senseless.

And in hindsight, was just the start of what we were about to experience.

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Kisses & Gratitude

Little MPB has always happily given full body hugs – he runs straight for us and throws himself into our arms, wiggles for a minute and then moves on the a new activity.  However, it’s never been the same with kisses.  He always thought kisses are from us to him.  So whenever we say kiss, he gives us his cheek, as if to say lay one on me.

This response to kiss requests has been absolutely adorable for months now.  But, we were starting to wonder when he’d actually give us kisses in return.

We recently discovered that daycare has taught him to blow kisses as he now blows kisses to all his teachers when we say goodbye at the end of the day.  It’s a bit awkward – he sort of kisses his hand and then sort of waves.  It may be awkward, but it is also super adorable.

But this weekend, I said kiss mommy and turned my cheek to him.  He leaned in and gave me a giant (and super sloppy) kiss.  And he did it five times in a row!  I may have had an actual tear in my eye, as my heart seriously melted.

Now, we’ve added in a new step to our bed time routine – after I finish singing to him, I say kiss and turn my cheek to him and he gives me a big giant kiss.

And even better, he refuses to give Mr. MPB (or anyone else) a kiss.  Evidently, he only gives kisses to me!  (I know any day he’ll start giving Mr. MPB kisses too, but I am going to soak up every single mommy only kiss).

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I have to admit, this first kiss, and every kiss since, makes me once again realize just how fortunate I am. I cannot help but be amazed that I am his mother, that he gives me kisses and hugs every day, that he smiles when I walk into a room and my whole heart melts when he smiles.  I cannot get enough of his giggles.  I love hearing every single one of his new words and seeing his eyes light up when he learns something new for the first time.  Really, I just love watching the world through his eyes.

If there is one good thing that came from enduring years of losses and infertility, it is my deep gratitude and appreciation for all that Little MPB has given me.

I honestly, don’t think I’ll ever take for granted just how fortunate I am to be his mother.

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