I usually love February, for me it signalizes the very early start of spring as the days start to get a little bit longer, which always makes me happy.

But, clearly 2019, February included, has not bee ideal. Honestly, my anxiety and stress levels are generally high every single day. But, I also realize how important it is not to lose site of life and be brought down by the ongoing negative events in our lives. Knowing that these things are out of my control, I am trying to focus on what I can control in my spare time.

So, I’ve been cooking. Mr. MPB typically does most of our cooking, but he doesn’t have the time and hasn’t had any interest. So, I’m now doing all out cooking. In fact, I am making fruit, spinach/kale and flax smoothies every single morning for all three of us. And, I am also cooking 5-6 suppers a week. If I know one thing about stress, it’s that eating healthy is important. So, I’m making sure that our family is eating fresh, healthy meals.

I didn’t know it, but I guess there’s a thing about not drinking in January? Called ‘Dry January’, I think? Well, without knowing it, we starting doing our own version of dry January/February. We are only having wine on weekends now. It’s not like we drank a lot, but it seems simple enough to limit having a glass of wine to 2 nights a week.

I have basically forced Mr. MPB get a medical. Given the severity of his family member’s medical situation, he now has very significant family medical history that needed to be reviewed with a doctor. And so, he is having more blood work and medical testing done then he has ever had in his life. He doesn’t particularly love doing it all, in fact, his comment was that it feels like he’s taking a perfectly functioning car to the mechanic asking them to find a problem. But, I can honestly say I gave him no choice in the matter as Little MPB and I expect to have him around for the long run. And, I assured him that he’d rather have the right testing done early, rather then waiting until it is too late.

I also have quit online shopping. This one may sound silly, but Mr. MPB and I have seriously given up amazon and ebay and any other form of online shopping for the month of February. I decided we spend too much money shopping online, because it’s easy. So, this month, if we want anything, we have to actually go to a store to buy it. Which means, some things, like books, are slightly more expensive in person but the effort to go get them means we actually really want them. I think in the end spending a dollar or two more on a book versus buying multiple books out of convenience online is a better financial decision.

And, I’ve rekindled my love for reading. I’ve always loved to read books, but in the last few years I just haven’t had time. In fact, in 2018, I managed to read only 1 book and in 2017 I don’t think I read any. Well, this year, I’ve read 4 books so far – 2 were not so good, 2 were good. I’ve even take some time off work to just sit on the couch and read. As if somehow, giving myself permission to slow down and not focus on the crazy swirling around me, even if just for an afternoon. I have my next book picked out (Confessions of a Domestic Failure, because it’s supposed to be light and fun) – but if you have any must read suggestions, please share.

We are also making a point to see friends. It’s hard when life feels like it’s falling apart to make time to socialize. But, we are having friends over for dinner every few weeks, as a way to keep ourselves a bit social. And if people are willing to come see us, then we don’t have to mess up the toddler’s bedtime, and right now, that structure is fairly important to us. So thankfully we have some friends who are willing to visit us.

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February is kicking my butt in a way that I am not used to.  In fact, at this point, I’m not even sure which way is up and I’m literally fearful of what is coming next.

You see, one day last week, went like this:

  • 9am – Epic potty miss. As in, my little toddler boy forgot to aim at the potty, and managed to absolutely soaked himself and me.  While at a public washroom.  I had a spare change of clothing for him, but not me.
  • 9:10am – My little toddler boy dropped a M&M on a very questionable floor.  He managed to pick it up and eat it before I was able to stop him.
  • 11am – My little toddler boy wasn’t watching where he was going while at the Ikea cafeteria.  I told him to watch where he was going, narrowly avoiding a railing.  Not even two seconds later, he walked into another railing that I didn’t notice either.  Epic blood was pouring from his eyelid. By the time Mr. MPB came back from getting napkins to stop the bleeding, I informed him we had to go get stitches.  So, off to the hospital we went, for our little toddler boy to get his first set of modern day stitches (i.e. glue).  He is definitely going to have a scar from our family lunch at Ikea and I guess now he has the right to always hate trips to Ikea.

Then, on another day, while picking Little MPB from daycare we were informed of a behavioural incident.  Little MPB doesn’t nap at daycare anymore, but all his friends do.  Needless to say, one this particular day Little MPB decided he wanted a friend to play with during naptime so he pulled a friend off their cot while sleeping, to wake them up.  Okay, as a parent, I get this isn’t good and we have talked to him about not waking up his friends when they are asleep.  But, daycare should probably also be watching the awake child a bit better.  And, I have to admit, I totally laughed out loud when I was told about the story.

And, on the day we expected our ill family member to be released from the hospital, we received some very confusing and really not good news.  Recovery is now delayed, and we may be facing a completely different medical situation then anyone previously thought. Basically turning an already bad situation even worse.

Also, we’ve been under an extreme cold warning for a few straight weeks with the weather being about -90768 all month.  So we’ve been stuck inside all month, which is never good for anyone’s mental health.  Now, as a Canadian I should be used to this, but honestly, I’ll never get used to this kind of cold.

Honestly, I just cannot handle much more.

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