Hello? Is Anyone Out There?


Does this still work?

I wanted to stop by and let people know I am alive, and we are getting by.  Life has been busy, but also some of our early 2019 hardships have turned out okay.

First, I am still lost.  Unlike many infertility bloggers, I have not vanished because I’m too busy.  Rather I’m still struggling with how to write, knowing that someone out there has figured out who I am.  The concern is not about me, but rather I don’t want to turn Little MPB into a poster-child for adoption.  And so, I’m stuck.  Everyday I want to write, yet every day I don’t write.  I truly don’t know how to merge these realities.

Second, Doodle MPB.  My gosh, is she ever the most challenging dog I’ve ever met! Yet, her heart of gold, keeps us dedicated.  She goes to doggy daycare twice a week, and we are all staying sane.  She definitely needs more walks, and definitely always wants more snuggles.  But, she’s been healthy for the last few months and we seem to have found an equilibrium that works for our family and keeps her mostly sane.

Third, the brain surgery is done and went well.  The tumor was benign.  The surgery went so well the team asked to use the video they took as a teach tool for future neurologists.  Our family member is expected to survive and lead a normal life.  We couldn’t have asked for a better outcome.  Thankfully.

Fourth, cancer is cancer and Alzheimer’s is Alzheimer’s.  Terminal cancer and late stage Alzheimer’s are the devil.  These diagnosis wont change, but the love that comes out in such hard times is nothing short of beautiful and inspirational.  Hopefully quality of life continues for as long as possible.  And I will continue to hope that our visit in August will be as magical as I imagine it will be.

Fifth, we survived June.  June was insane.  June had me on the road 15 days/nights with work.  June had Mr. MPB working long days.  June also had our family travel for a pre-brain surgery get together.  June also had Mr. MPB traveling for the actual brain surgery.  Some of this travel did not coordinate well, and other family members answered our call for help, stepping up when we needed them.  June also saw a major poop regression (I swear potty training has been my absolute least favorite part of parenting thus far).  But, to be fair, June has been incredibly stressful for all of us and Little MPB showed his stress in the only way he knows how.

Sixth, among the crazy I determined I need to be healthier.  I signed up for a ladies soccer team.  I also signed up to meet with a personal trainer twice a week, and convinced Mr. MPB to join me.  It’s not perfect, because twice a week is really not enough, but at least it’s something.  And right now, something is better then nothing.

Seventh, July and August will be spent as a family.  Lots of time in the mountains.  Lots of camping.  Lots of playing at the park.  Lots of swimming at the beach.  Lots of time with friends and chosen-family.  Lots of snuggles.  Life wont be perfect, because I’m confident there is no such thing.  But, I am looking forward to a summer of mostly good, almost perfect days with my family.

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27 Comments on “Hello? Is Anyone Out There?

  1. Hey! I was so excited to see a post from you! I’m glad you guys are hanging in there. Fingers crossed that things continue to stay positive and the rest of your summer goes fairly smoothly!
    Potty training is definitely the absolute worst. C will go for a week or two with no accidents at all, then suddenly she has a few days where it’s accidents all over the place. Sometimes she wants to do everything herself, sometimes she acts like she can’t do any part of it at all. I’m not looking forward to going through this with another one in a couple years!


  2. *insert waving emoji here* Hiiiiiii. You were missed! It made me smile to see your post show up in my feed! I hope you find some peace and tranquility in the mountains and while camping. Those moments are very, very well deserved!


  3. I’m here!

    It sounds like you have the busiest life. I really didn’t blog for ages as I didn’t have much idea of what to write about. And now I’m just writing about this detox / fitness thing I’m doing, but aside from that, I’m just living my life.

    As an adoptee I’m really glad you are prioritising your son’s wellbeing and privacy. A lot of adoptive parents don’t. I’m sorry someone figured out who you are… I don’t know if there’s a way to continue to write but without giving away anything identifying or compromising/embarrassing for your son? It’s sad this person is doing that to you.


  4. What a year! Wonderful to hear from you in this space again. Here’s hoping the remaining months are nice and cruise. You guys deserve a break!!!


  5. I’m so glad to see an update from you! Happy to hear of the great news regarding your family member’s surgery and that you have some family time to look forward to now. Enjoy it and the summer 🙂


  6. I’m glad that things are going okay. My dog was a terror as a puppy. Our happy place now involves me taking her jogging with me (almost) every day. We ran 25 miles last week. If you’re open to suggestions, that’d probably take care of the dog exercise and the human exercise goals of yours.


  7. Hi MPB! Still here, and happy to hear from you! Glad that the surgery went well, and I hope the August visit makes lots of memories. Sounds like a lot of action, but that you are handling it as gracefully as always.


  8. I’ve been thinking of you and wondering how you were! I’m glad to hear things are ok and that life with doodle mpb is stabilizing a bit. I totally get the need for silence and I hope you know that if and when you’re ready to write, we’ll all be here to read it. ♥️


  9. I’m so happy to hear an update! You’re an inspiration person and I have appreciated your blog for years. I do understand why you’re not so keen on blogging after what happened to you. But glad to hear an update. Enjoy your summer!


  10. So glad things are generally turning out well. Have missed you. Hope yu find a solution that works for your family but allows writing here too.


  11. I had been wondering how you and the MPB family were doing. Glad to hear things are going mostly well (even with a super busy/stressful June).


    • So glad to read of the update.
      It’s a crazy world when you have to worry about people finding out who you are and putting it out there.


  12. I totally miss writing. I sit down to write and don’t know what to say. I have so much life stuff that I can’t write about bc my blog isn’t anonymous anymore. But I certainly miss writing. Thank you for the update 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Glad you survived June. That sounds absolutely crazy and exhausting! I’m a newbie to your blog but I love your authenticity. I’ve also hit that “writing but not writing” stage. My twins don’t change like when they were babies and I’m more conscious of their privacy as they grow older, on all two social media platforms I use anyway. I hope you hang in there with writing. You obviously have a lot of readers!


  14. MPB! You can’t live in fear, that’s miserable. It’s flattering that someone was curious enough about you to go to the trouble of finding you. Truly, you are a unique and powerful voice among our IF/RPL community and we all love you. I hope your cyber-admirer appreciates you as much as the rest of us do and will respect your boundaries so that you may continue to share with us ❤ XOXO


  15. I really miss your posts. Like you, I have one child (would have loved more), and your writing has helped me a lot. Hope you are ok! Best wishes from a reader from Germany.


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