I Want My Freedom Back
So on Friday we decided to take an impromptu day in the mountains – to play with our dog and generally recharge. Instead, moments before we were hitting the road, I discovered that our basement was home to inches of unexpected and unwanted water. Not my idea of fun!
We have now had at least one sort of work crew in our house every single day. Friday we had people in our house for over 12 hours as they worked to locate and stop the source of the water and another set of people worked to remove the water and start the drying process. As I sit here typing right now we have a disaster recovery team in our basement measuring the moisture left in our walls and floor. We also have a few plumbers in our house replacing our hot water tank and re-doing/improving a bunch of water line connections. Our house is now a very busy place.
While I am annoyed that we have construction crews in my house daily, loud industrial fans running 24/7, and not being in control of the major decisions (insurance is), I am also annoyed because my space is quite literally gone. Our home gym, which has been a significant part of my efforts to reclaim my life, is now completely out of service. I’m guessing it will be a few months before we have the space back together in a usable manner. I keep reminding myself that at least it’s spring/summer so we can focus on outdoor cardio for the time being. My exercise does not have to stop, it’s just changing for the time being.
But even more important than the loss of our home gym, I am most bothered that the constant flow of people in and out of our house means that my personal freedom within my own home has been compromised.
No matter the situation, our house has always been our space. Basically, my house is my space to do whatever I want without any care in the world. Instead, now, I get to deal with people constantly in my space.
Once upon a time I thought I was an extrovert simply because I’m incredibly talkative and social. I can get alone with along anyone, and I can strike up a conversation with a perfect stranger without blinking an eye. In fact, I can garner the attention of an entire room if I must and I am often paid to do just that. I actually make a living based on being incredibly social and being great with people.
But in my older and wiser years I’ve begun to understand that I actually have a lot more introvert characteristics in that while I like to talk I truly need my down time. I need me time to be able to recharge and move forward in life.
So, 5 days into a flooded basement with rotating construction crews, I’m really struggling with my house being invaded.
My safe space, the space where I recharge, is now gone. This only adds to my desire to run away and my frustration that we cannot due to our tight finances thanks to an overly expensive international adoption.
I’ve discovered that I’m struggling to focus on writing or getting any work accomplished because I don’t have the quiet and peace that I’ve become accustomed to. With the rush that is circling around me, I don’t feel that I’m able to connect with my emotions and my inner thoughts – I’m starting to feel disconnected from myself. And in the last year I’ve really come to love my time to ponder and challenge my ways of thinking. Until now I’m not sure that I realized just how important this freedom to contemplate has been to my well-being.
Needless to say, I’m struggling. And, while I know it could have been worse, I’m still not thrilled about the entire situation. Yes the damage is most definitely not desirable, but more than anything I just don’t like having my space taken away from me.
I will be a happy camper when the industrial fans are turned off and my permanent headache goes away. I’ll be extra happy when we are not juggling daily visits from various construction crews and I get my space and freedom back. And I will be a very happy camper once everything is sorted with insurance and my basement turns back into the nice space it once was!
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