Lifting Myself Back Up

I feel like I’ve been in a funk lately.  The adoption wait has been on my nerves and work has me burning the midnight oil.  It’s a frustrating combination.  And, yet part of me is grateful for it, because the insane work schedule keeps my mind active, and gives me a lot less time to contemplate life and the waiting.

And so today I plan to do something different then normal.  I’ve done it once before, months ago, and I thought the exercise might be really helpful to do again to help resent my current thought processes.  I am giving myself 10 minutes to write down everything I can think of to be grateful for:

    1. Our dog.  Seriously, I just love her.20140903 - 100HappyDays_Day50
    2. My stomach ulcer is under control.  So long as I remember the drugs, I seem to be back to normal which is a good sign that I’m healing.
    3. I have a referral in to the plastic surgeon for a breast reduction.  (I hear the wait times are about a year).
    4. 20141122 - 100HappyDays_Day132While I don’t love winter, I do love the fact that my fall wardrobe is coming back out.  If nothing else, warm scarfs and cute boots are going to make me smile.
    5. Less money stress.  My crazy work schedule is helping reduce the crazy adoption bills, and that’s a real bonus.
    6. We booked a last minute weekend trip away.  We got a great deal and we need a break, so I booked it.  Guilty conscious be damned.
    7. I broke my cell phone.  If no-one can perform cell phone surgery to resuscitate it, then I will have no choice but to get a new one.  Who doesn’t love a new cell phone? (I’m finding the best case scenario in this, I’m actually not happy about it).
    8. 20150308 - 100HappyDays_Day240I wore a special necklace today.
    9. I lost an earring yesterday from a set that I love. But, I know where I bought it and the designer seems pretty awesome so I hope he will be able to replace just the one.  And if not, they were pretty cheap so I can just buy a new pair.  Thankfully.
    10. My dog is staring at me right now and that makes me smile.  Seriously, she’s adorable.20150621 - 100HappyDays_Day348
    11. It’s Thursday.  That means I only have one more day to get through before I can try to relax for a few days.
    12. I am so tired right now that I am almost guaranteed to sleep well tonight.
    13. Mr. MPB.  I’m always thankful he chose me.

So, my 10 minutes are up.  And I have to say, I feel like this exercise in finding positives really didn’t work that well for me this time.  Last time, I came up with 25 items and this time I struggled to come up with 13, and two of them are about our dog.  And at 2, 4, 7, 9, 10 and 11 are all about finding best case scenarios in less then ideal situations.  I like that I can see the good in some crappy stuff, and I also like that my crappy stuff has nothing to do with miscarriage or lost.  In fact, it’s almost an accomplishment in and of itself that this list has nothing to do with children – loosing them or waiting for them.  So, while life isn’t perfect right now, at least it’s better then it has been and I’m still trying to win the war and find happiness.  And today, this will be enough for me.

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25 Comments on “Lifting Myself Back Up

  1. New cell phone = super exciting but then again, I’m a huge geek. 🙂 gratitude lists can change daily depending on your mood. I think you did an awesome job with this one.

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  2. I love that you always stay on top of your moods and try to find a way to gratitude. That being said- I think it is totally ok to just be in a funk sometimes. You have not had it easy and it is a huge accomplishment that you are finding the energy and motivation to work hard and keep plowing forward. I think this weekend away will do wonders and I also think you are earning a VERY happy and bright spot ahead.

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    • Thank you my friend. I know funks are part of life, but I’m just not a fan of feeling this way for a long time. I feel like I have so much pent up energy and I’m just kind of on edge. I I hope our weekend away will help sort of reset my brain. It’s still a few weeks away, but I am already looking forward to it! 🙂

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  3. I like your list! Who cares how many things are on it…you were still able to come up with a lot of things to add! And even the ones where you’re trying to see the good in a bad situation; at least you’re able to do that. When I’m down, I see the bad in everything lol. I may need a new cell phone soon too…as much as I love mine, it keeps turning itself off on its own, and then doesn’t like to be turned back on. I’m delaying though…if you find something good, let me know!

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    • Thank you Amy! It took a lot of energy to write that list, it simply wasn’t coming to me easily. I could have written a list 3 times longer about the negatives right now, and I just hate being stuck in that kind of a mindset.
      As for the phone. I’m still hoping that someone can save mine. Right now it’s held together with tape and we will see what I find out on the weekend.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. The BEST part is being able to find the silver lining. That’s really what having an attitude of gratitude is all about. It’s easy to be thankful when things are great. It’s better to be thankful when they are not so great.

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  5. Reading your blog reminds me of some of the hardest times of my own two adoptions. I described those waiting periods as “floating midair in a slow motion leap of blind faith”. I have no advice for you other than the obvious and empty “try to keep busy”.
    Looking forward to following your blog and hoping the best for you.
    K.
    PS. Your dog looks exactly like mine from behind.

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    • First, I love your description of the adoption wait. It’s brilliant. And, thank you so much for encouraging me along through this waiting. It’s so incredibly hard to not focus on it all the time. You are right, keeping busy is about the best solution, but I really do hope it doesn’t take too long for us to be matched.
      P.S. Your dog sounds beautiful! 🙂

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  6. I did that thing where you write something you were grateful for every day and put it in a jar. I did it for one month and hated it. The point is that forcing these feelings can sometimes feel a bit contrived and I think that’s OK. Frustration is a valid feeling in your circumstances. Don’t guilt yourself over it. I love that you are trying to look at the bright side and not dwell but also be kind to yourself xx

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    • I have not done the jar thing. I have no idea if I would be able to do it – I’m almost tempted to put a jar on my desk and see what I write in a month, it could be rather funny because like you say sometimes forcing the feelings just isn’t real and of course because I’d use it to procrastinate rather then work. 🙂
      And thank you for understanding and getting it – I am beyond thankful for your thoughtful encouragement.

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  7. I love that you did this and that even when you’re feeling down, you can at least find the best in not so great circumstances. I’ve been researching breast reductions too. I’ll have to send you this article I found with 13 things this woman wished she’d known before her surgery. I hope that things start to look up and all sorts of Blessings start rolling your way. I especially hope that you get the call or email soon about a placement. I know the emotional and mental toll the waiting takes on you. Love you lots, Friend!

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    • I’d love to read the article!! I’ve been in touch with two clinics this week, one is government funded and one is not. It’s months before I’ll get into either of them for the consult, but I am curious what the difference between the two will be.
      And I hope you get your placement call soon too!! I’m so excited for that day! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Keep fighting your way through this wait and this mini funk – great idea to do the list of grateful – I am sure your mini break is going to be a big pull for you and of course something to look forward too 🙂

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    • Thank you so much for your encouragement. It turns out what I really needed to move out of my mini funk was umpteen hours of sleep! I am feeling so much better now.
      Mini break is a few weeks away still, but I am so very excited for it! 🙂

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