Another Adoption Twist

An important part of our adoption journey in the USA has been to choose a lawyer.

One of the biggest differences between adoption in Canada and the USA seems to be the involvement of lawyers. In Canada, social workers do almost everything, with a few lawyers just signing off on the final paperwork and processing the legal stuff through the court system. In the USA, lawyers actually match birth mothers/families and adoptive parents, oversee the majority of the process and deal with the court systems. This difference is the main reason’s adopting in the USA is substantially more expensive – essentially Canadian social workers do not charge nearly the same amount as lawyers in Canada or in the USA.

So far, we really like our lawyer. In fact, right now we adore the entire team at the lawyer’s office. And the USA agency that has caused us countless hours of frustration is no longer our main point of contact.  Needless to say, after managing the convoluted international adoption process, we are both rather excited to not have to deal with them as frequently.

And at the same time we are basically free of our local agency. While we like our agency, right now they just aren’t involved.  Until a match occurs, we are basically on our own. And our focus is simply on helping our legal team find the best match for us – which for us probably means staying out of their hair and trying not to bug them too much with requests for updates.

Needless to say our three favourite things right now are that we:

  1. Like our lawyer.
  2. Are dealing less with a seemingly disorganized adoption agency in the USA.
  3. No longer working through our local approval processes as we are approved.

Now that we have our lawyer chosen, we have had one significant surprise. When we first chose the USA, we were under the impression that we would be adopting from one specific state. Now that we selected our lawyer, this is no longer the case. We will be adopting through the legal system of our specific state, but we could be placed with a baby in any state!

In actuality, this really doesn’t change too much, yet it seems like it changes a lot. Legally, nothing will be different. But, now we have absolutely no idea where in the USA our baby is coming from!! And, the adoption process is a bit more complicated – we will now fly to the state our baby is born in first.  Once the baby is released from the hospital we then go to the state of the actual adoption until it is finalized. Then we return to home to Canada. While it’s not the end of the world, and really doesn’t matter much in the scheme of life, it will increase our costs some more to travel so much and I am a bit disappointed that our child my not come from our chosen state.

I had envisioned future family visits with our birth family being in a specific state which also offered plenty of fun amenities for our family to enjoy while we were there. Sort of back-up plan if the birth-family visit didn’t go perfectly because we would spend the next day doing something super fun. Now, that might not happen. I know my concern over this might sound trivial and slightly silly.  And in the scheme of life it’s not a big deal, but I really loved the idea of meeting the birth family and going to visit one of the happiest places on earth in the same trip – sort like a way to ensure our children have happy memories.

That said, I’m now hoping for Hawaii in the middle of the winter because I could use a trip to Hawaii ideally during the Canadian winter! But, something tells me we are going to end up in Bismarck, North Dakota in February (nothing against Bismarck, I was just hoping for a warm winter break).

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55 Comments on “Another Adoption Twist

  1. LOL! It doesn’t sound trivial or silly at all to consider what THE REST OF YOUR LIFE might look like travelling to different parts of the US. There are definitely places in the good ol’ US of A that people don’t put on their bucket list. That said, I bet regardless of where the birth family is from, they will be amazing people who you will grow to love dearly and who you will enjoy seeing so much that it won’t even matter so much where you go to do it!

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  2. Oh wow, nothing is certain is it? I am sure you guys, with your adventurous spirit, will find cool things to do, regardless of where you go. But I do hope you get your first prize in the end.

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  3. This is all so exciting! I am so glad that your lawyers are good, that must bring a certain relief?
    Now I can’t speak for everywhere, being a Brit and all, but after three years living in the US and visiting 32 mainland states there are some truly fantastic places even in the most random of locations so hoping you get a good one 😉 I totally get the California draw though. I bloody LOVE CA!!

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    • You are so right about the relief we are feeling now that we like our lawyers! Honestly, we were pretty stressed about this for a while, so it’s nice to have it fall into place.
      And I know rationally the entire USA is pretty cool, and wherever we visit we really wont care because we will be so focused on meeting our little baby. But I am still going to hope that I don’t have to pack a snow suit. 🙂

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  4. It’s crazy how much we find out once we actually start even though we prepare so thoroughly! I love reading about your journey. Sometimes I feel like we are twins living in different dimensions…even though we quite possibly could have been living across the word at the same time in New Zealand! Anyway, thanks for always sharing. I get so excited for you because there is so much progress!

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    • I feel the exact same way about reading your journey as well! I love how excited I find myself for you so frequently in part because I am in such a similar place! I think you are right, definitely like twins in different dimensions. 🙂

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  5. “We make plans. God laughs.” Though I’m pretty much an atheist, I love this quote. As a planner, it reminds me that things never ever EVER go the way I think they will.

    And to echo Arwen, I’ve been to 39 US states and there is something amazing in each one of them. Perhaps you’ll get a chance to visit the Corn Palace of South Dakota? Or the mermaids of Weeki Wachee Springs in Florida? Ooooh, or the SPAM Museum in Minnesota?! America is a weird, weird place, but you’ll find something to love about wherever your kid is from– even if only the fact that it’s where their life got started.

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  6. The good news is more states means more options, and probably quicker match times than if they were pulling from just one state! That said, I completely know how it is to get an idea in your head and be thinking of everything through that lens, and then BAM, curve ball. Fingers crossed no Dakotas in the winter haha.

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    • You are so right about the good news! Honestly, this is the best curve ball we’ve received in our entire adoption process! I like that my hope is for somewhere warm, rather then for a baby – somehow I think this is great progress for me. 🙂

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    • Thank you so much my friend. It’s kind of funny that a year ago I was hoping for a baby, and today I can sit here and hope for a warm and sunny place because I am confident our baby is out there somewhere. 🙂

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  7. When people say to me ‘just adopt’ im going to show them your blog. Its a minefield isnt it? Takes a whole new kind of strength to navigate and i tip my hat to you as i know i wouldnt have that strength at the moment.
    Its important that you are comfy with your lawyers and im glad u are.
    It mustve been a shock to find baby can come from any state, im hoping for Hawaii for you too 😃

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    • You know, the main reason I’m blogging about adoption is that I think people do need to understand how complicated and down right hard adoption is! I wish it were as easy as “just adopt” but the fact is, it’s incredibly hard work just to get through the process.
      Thanks for your hope – maybe if we all hope enough, we’ll get matched ASAP and get a trip to Hawaii at the same time. 🙂

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  8. LOL – here’s to hoping your baby doesn’t come from North Dakota or any other fly-over, boring state! Hawaii sure would be nice!

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    • Hahaha! I love that you think the same way. I’m sure we’ll be excited no matter where we end up, but honestly I am really hoping for warm weather!! 🙂

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  9. I can see how it doesn’t really seem like a big deal (might be good to be able to cast a wider net actually), but that it’s not what you had envisioned when you first signed up with this agency. I think that when you spend so much time waiting between jumping through hoops, you kind of spend that time strategizing and visualizing the next hoop, and this little blip makes you have to reconsider what that next hoop might look like.

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    • I think at this point we are finally realizing that the hoop is ever changing. When we think it’s landed, someone just picks it back up and tosses it in another direction! I don’t have to like it, I just have to get through it. And really, this one is minor compared to others. All I know is when this is finally done, I’ll be forever in awe of anyone who successful adopts, it’s hard work! 🙂

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  10. Ah, you know what? I think every place (well, maybe not Swindon) has something interesting to offer. And also, you’ll find that state interesting because it’s where your baby’s from! I think that it doesn’t matter so much in an ideological sense because I reckon you’ll be taking your kiddo to the Magic Kingdom anyway. (I take it that’s where you’re referring to! Or if not, it’s every parent’s duty to do it before they’re 10!) I’ve been to all sorts of states in the US and I have really found them interesting in their own way! Even places that people said weren’t much fun – I spent a summer in Indiana once and it was great.

    I think you of all people will be about to find the awesomeness in any state. It’s a pain that it might add to your costs, but hopefully it won’t be much in the whole scheme of things. (I worked summers as a student in the US and I can tell you it is pretty cheap if you’re prepared to go on the Greyhound… It can be an adventure! Hire a car and drive across the US!) I’m not worried for you as I I know you’ll make it brilliant.

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    • You are right, we will love wherever we have to go, because it is where our child is from and will always be from! And we can always take our child to the Magic Kingdom on another trip! We will make the most of where-ever our child is born, even if it’s in the middle of the winter and -30 out. 🙂

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  11. I kinda giggled at your Hawaii comment. I don’t blame you one bit, and in all seriousness, there is nothing wrong with envisioning how you wanted your family to come to be and how you were imagining meet ups and family vacations. Honestly, I’m SUPER proud that those plans and thoughts even came to mind for you, that shows a lot of growth! I’m stoked about the lawyer stuff though, what a relief! (If the Pacific Northwest brings you your babe, I’ll be praying it’s not in the winter!)

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    • Awe, thanks so much for your encouragement! Who knows, maybe we will end up in the Pacific Northwest, which long term will make our visits more affordable considering where we live. See, there is always a silver lining. 🙂

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  12. As much as I want to see you adopt a baby, I hope you don’t get one from Mississippi — they can’t read! Can you imagine getting a baby that can’t read!

    And what about the baby being from the states? They won’t be able to run for Canadian Presidency! Or worse yet, Canadian Monarchy! 😉

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  13. Well that’s interesting. There are really fun things to do in pretty much any state, you just have to do a little research. Plus, you could always see (in the future) if the birth family would want to meet you somewhere else, like Disney or something fun, to have a big family fun time together! Whatever happens, I hope something happens for you soon!

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    • Thanks so much Amy! You are so right, we will find wherever our child is born to be a special place simply because that is where our child was born! And, we will find things to do there because every town has something to see, we just have to find it. 🙂

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      • And if you end up somewhere on the east coast, maybe it’ll be close enough to me and we could do lunch or something one day! lol

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      • Thanks to this post I’ve realized that almost anywhere we end up I’ll probably “know” someone!! Which is so exciting!!!! Who knows, maybe I’ll end up getting to visit your new house (and yes, I did just invite myself over)! 🙂

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      • You’re welcome at any time! I’d absolutely love to be able to meet you and get to know you! You’re a wonderful person, and I truly feel like we would get along so well!

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  14. Wow! This is so exciting. It’s really happening! Yay! Maybe you’ll end up in Chicago…you have a “friend” here! Good Luck! So glad you keep us posted on updates!

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  15. I went to Bismarck on a girl’s shopping trip a few years ago. Found some decent deals, but then again, the dollar was much better. I truly hope you get to go to a warmer state if your adoption unveils in the middle of winter. 🙂

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  16. I can almost guarantee that once baby is in your arms you won’t give a hoot about what state s/he was born in. Fun can be made anywhere. And flights within the U.S. are relatively cheap (compared to where you live) if booked with some notice so you cAn still steal away to the happiest place on earth after a visit with birth family. I know few open adoptions that are as open as that anyway at least after the first couple of years so you really never know how it will all shake out. Everything else sounds super encouraging and exciting. Yay for progress!

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  17. I love that you have been approved and are essentially waiting for a match. I hope you get the Hawaii baby you want, but Colorado is pretty awesome too 🙂

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  18. Pingback: And Now We Wait!!! | My Perfect Breakdown

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