So, We Weren’t Invited
So, thanks to all the wonderful comments last week (which I am still working on responding to – thank you all for your seemingly never-wavering wonderful support and love) about the upcoming baby entering our extended family and our decision not to visit. I’ve realized something:
All the drama, the guilt tripping, the upset emotions about letting people down, the anxiety about money, everything was pointless.
You see, this issue was solely with the Grandparents-to-be.
The parents-to-be, have not said a word to us. In fact, upon reflection, we realized that they haven’t even invited us to visit. They have not asked, they have not invited, rather they have said a word.
So, wouldn’t we be quite the unexpected and possibly unwanted guest if we were to invite ourselves and just show up?
(As an aside, let me state, I’m okay with the fact that they haven’t invited us. Whether they didn’t invite us to be mean, or they just haven’t thought about it, or maybe they realized the cost of adoption would make it nearly impossible for us, I really don’t know. And, honestly I really don’t care what the reasoning. The fact is, the parents-to-be, the ones who really matter in this, have not expressed a desire or expectation for us to travel to visit.)
So, really, we just let the grandparents-to-be spin up a giant swirl of anxiety over nothing. So should the topic come up again, rather then letting them be so mean to us about not visiting, we should point out that we haven’t even been invited.
Maybe, they need to spend their energy talking to the parents-to-be, about who the parents-to-be want to visit since they plan to visit at the hospital and expected the same of us.
Maybe this has absolutely nothing to do with us. And we just got side-swiped by the grandparents-to-be on the way to their real issue which is with their other child and not us.
There are a lot of unknowns here, and I know we will not figure it all out. Quite frankly, neither of us have the energy or desire to figure it out right now.
But what I do know, is that upon realizing that we haven’t been invited, all my guilt is gone. Really, it has evaporated and vanished from both my mind and my heart.
Simply we are not in the wrong by not visiting when we haven’t been invited. And honestly, we would have been wrong to essentially invite ourselves and just show up right away, even if it was at the demands of the grandparents-to-be. It is the right of the parents-to-be to invite whomever they want, I respect that. And, I do not hold any ill-will towards them making the choice that is best for their family, just as we are doing.
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