Mr. MPB recently asked me a seemingly simple question:
If you could keep only 1 memory from your life, what would it be?
I tend to hate these types of questions. I’m not a big fan of what if games. Because in my experience they are usually just a rabbit hole that are better left unexplored. But alas, this time I partook.
But before I could answer, he said Oh, that’s a hard question for you – your mom, your sister, Little MPB.
Funny enough, he never added himself or our wedding to the list. He clearly knows me well enough to know that our wedding was lovely, but not something I was overly obsessed with.
But the truth is, this question was a simple one for me to answer. I didn’t have to take a second to think about.
The moment in my life that I never want to forget is the moment his birth mother placed him in my arms, just moments after he was born. The moment I met Little MPB is simply the best moment of my life. That moment is hands-down the best moment ever. It was the kind of moment that can never be replicated or repeated.
As for Mr. MPB, he said it was the first time Little MPB laughed. Which warmed my heart.
It turns out, neither one of us would choose to remember each other. And we are okay with that fact. We love each other, obviously. But, our little boy is the light of our lives. And, we wouldn’t have it any other way.
So today I ask you, if you could keep only 1 memory from you life, what would it be?
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This last week has been one of the hardest and also most insanely bizarre weeks of my life thus far. In some ways it’s like I’m living in a 1990s (horrible) made for tv drama.
I am not going into details about what is going on, so I will just say that it is not resolved and it may go on for weeks or months. Or, if I’m lucky, it may vanish from my reality as quickly as it started.
But, I also realize that I cannot continue to obsess about it. Given that I am not in control of the situation, I have to figure out a way to live with it for however long it may impact me. Basically, I have to figure out a way to live with this in the background, rather then in the foreground impacting my every single move.
And so, starting this weekend, I decided that I will go back to life as normal. I have a basic plan:
First, I went to Dairy Queen. Rather then buying a blizzards as planned, I bought this ice cream cake. It seemed fitting to my plan to get back on track. And sometimes, a happy day cake is just what is needed.
Second, we went back to the vet with the intent of seriously determining if their is something neurologically wrong with Doodle MPB. We were at our final straw. Our vet directed us to immediately buy a citronella bark collar as the training is simply not working fast enough. And so we did, and we promptly put it on her. We have now had 1.5 days of almost normal dog barking. I have no idea how to eventually wean the dog off of the bark collar, but at this moment I don’t care. I can hear myself think for the first time in weeks which will undoubtedly help me feel more grounded and sane.
Third, I will get back into working like a normal functioning adult. I have literally done zero work this last week. That has to change because our bills still need to be paid. I will re-focus because I simply have no choice. And to help with this, I am scheduled to be on the road with work this week, so I literally have no choice but to work.
Fourth, I will get back to writing. Writing helps me make sense of my life. But oddly, I cannot write about what’s happening right now (one day I promise I will, but right now I simply cannot). But, I will still write about other things, such as Infertility Awareness Week and what can only be describe as my newest obsession with paw patrol cruisers. I write for many reasons, but right now have to remind myself that writing is too important to my mental health to stop, so I need to get back into it.
Fifth, I will spend as much time as possible with Little MPB and Mr. MPB. Focusing on the bad has been taking away my quality time with these two, and that’s just not an option.
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My Perfect Breakdown 