Happy belated thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends. And, happy early thanksgiving to all my American friends.
My apologies for vanishing for the last few days, I’ve been slightly preoccupied with the state of our house.
You see, we’ve been having electrical problems in our house for the last few months. But, in the last couple weeks things took a drastic and concerning turn. Our lights were flickering frequently. If we turned on any kitchen appliances they whole house dimmed. Eventually some appliances started randomly turning off, but never actually flipping a breaker. Needless to say, we knew something was pretty wrong and we knew it was beyond our skillset.
So, we started searching for an electrician who could get to our house, urgently. We found someone, but they couldn’t come another week. So, we just stopped cooking at home (which meant after a full month of cooking every meal at home we had to eat out again). I even stopped blow drying my hair! Basically, we made a point to stop using anything that drew a lot of electricity.
After talking to a few different companies, we decided we needed to replace our old electrical panel and to do some investigation in our kitchen. So, the company we hired got to work. We were supposed to have power back in half a day. But, of course, it didn’t work out that way. We ended up having our panel replaced and the problems persisted. The city power company had to come out to investigate the city’s electrical connections to our house. The decided to replace everything from the main city line to our house. The problems persisted. Eventually the electricians and the city figured it out and our lights and appliances returned to normal. In fact, the city inspectors came the next morning and passed the inspection to confirm the work was done correctly.
Mr. MPB and I just assumed everything was back to being safe.
Well, we were wrong.
Yesterday while doing some cleaning in the basement Mr. MPB noticed a piece of wood just a few feet from our brand new electrical box that was slightly burnt! Evidently the electricians, the city’s power company and the city inspectors missed it. Evidently, at some point before the panel was replaced the wire casing was stripped and had been sparking enough to slightly burn the wood (sorry if I’m using the terminology incorrectly, my knowledge of electrical wiring is basically non-existent).
Seriously, our house could have burned down!! The thought of this terrifies me. Not the thought of loosing all our stuff – I’m a firm believer that stuff is just stuff. But the thought of loosing Little MPB. Gosh, even just typing that brings tears to my eyes. I just cannot even contemplate that.
So, anyways, now thanks to Mr. MPB, we are actually confident that our house is safe once again. And, maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to use my computer, cook at home, and even do my hair again!
And so this thanksgiving, I am thankful that Mr. MPB found this before our house burned down.
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Someone asked me a very interesting question when I mentioned the possibility of my gastrointestinal specialist finding the immunological cause for our losses. They asked:
You don’t have to answer this if you’re not comfortable…but if they DO find something that is related to your IF, and figure out how to “fix” it, do you think you will try growing your family?
Honestly, I had not even gone that far in my mind yet because I saw so many specialists, including my fantastic family doctor, a world renowned reproductive immunologist, a local amazing immunologist, multiple emergency room doctors, multiple local OBGYNs and multiple local reproductive endocrinologists through our losses that I find it hard to believe that I’ll actually get an answer now. I hope this newest doctor does find the answer, but honestly, I find it hard to believe anyone will.
So, now that the question has been asked, and without even talking to Mr. MPB about it (don’t worry we clearly will talk about this and make the decision together), my thought is no we wont try again the old fashioned way.
First, while we are hoping to get an easy, straight forward and treatable diagnosis, the reality is that may not be what I get. This doctor may not be able to figure it out any better then the last have. Which means I might still go undiagnosed. And, the scary thought is that I may get a scary, hard to treat, or even not treatable disease. I could have something that as I age will drastically impact my lifestyle and our family. But, we aren’t dwelling in that scary possibility, so moving on.
Secondly, Mr. MPB is 110% content with having one child. He has no desire to put ourselves through any emotional and/or financial pain to try again. Even though I long for another child, I have to agree that I don’t want to go through any more emotional pain or massive financial debt. And even trying again the old-fashioned may not bankrupt us, it may destroy us emotionally.
Thirdly, Little MPB. There is a lot of information out there about families with adopted children and biological children. I honestly don’t know what is right, but I do know that Little MPB’s wellbeing comes first. So, deciding to have a second child that shared our genetics while Little MPB doesn’t, isn’t that straight forward of a question. And honestly, if the science says there’s a significant risk to Little MPB’s long term mental health, we wouldn’t do it. Because of this, I truthfully think we’d be more likely to adopt a second time then to try the old fashioned way.
And lastly, knowing that 5 babies died solely because my body couldn’t nourish them and give them the life they needed (and deserved), I truly don’t think I’ll ever be willing to try again. Trying again isn’t just a matter of hoping a baby will survive. For me, it’s the mental health side of knowing that my body will very likely kill that baby. I cannot knowingly sign up for that. Honestly, I just cannot go there.
So, right now, my inclination is to say we are still one and done. But, the one thing I know in life is never say never.
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My Perfect Breakdown 