A Little Bit More About Our Embryo Donation Decision
Yesterday I shared that we said no to the donor embryo’s. But, I neglected to mention a few things, because I felt it most important to share that we had made a decision. But, like most things, there was even more that we considered and decided/realized in coming to our decision.
First, the other family who is interested in the embryo’s indicated they may be willing to be a gestational carrier for us in the future, if they can try for a child for them first and assuming there are enough embryos left for another attempt for us. Honestly, it felt like a pretty significant offer, and something we had to discuss. But, in the end, we decided this just wasn’t something we were ready to commit to for a few reasons:
- We feel pretty strongly that no-one can predict if they will want to be pregnant for someone else in a few years time. Assuming they get pregnant with one of the embryo’s, who knows what their pregnancy would be like and how they’d feel about carrying for someone else in the future.
- While this offer is pretty impressive, it’s not something we were prepared to agree to without a lot more discussions and knowledge of the possible gestational carrier. We don’t know this other family and I would assume when agreeing to using a gestational carrier we need to discuss things like the individuals mental health, physical health, payment, etc. There is so much more that we’d need to discuss that we aren’t even close to being ready to figure out.
- We still don’t understand the Canadian gestational carrier laws. Seriously, I’m still confused by it all.
- We don’t know if we want a second child, and making any sort of agreement to potentially have a second child just doesn’t feel right to us. Somehow it feels unfair to those little embryos – as if we’d be committing to them, but also knowing in our hearts that we aren’t fully committed.
Second, we did state that if the other family decides not to proceed for any reason, we would be willing to pay for a year of freezing to give us more time to think about growing our family. Basically, we want the other family to have their chance now, while they are ready, no strings attached (at least no strings attached from us). But if, for whatever reason it’s not right for them, then we would be interested in keeping the option open since the cost of another year of freezing is pretty minimal.
Third, and probably most important to Mr. MPB and I, is our realization that we simply may never be ready for a second child. Honestly, if we could have children like “normal” fertile people and weren’t in massive amounts of adoption debt with significant fears around pregnancy, we are both pretty much positive we’d have another one. But, that’s just not our reality, so there is no point in going there. And, Mr. MPB is pretty set in his opinion that Baby MPB is all he needs and wants when it comes to having kids. And, while I’m not quiet there yet, I also realize a lot of the reasons I want a second child (i.e. past dream for two children, sibling friends, more baby love) are not reasons enough to try for a second child, especially because of everything we will have to go through for a second child regardless if we chose embryo adoption or any form of adoption again.
So, I guess, to sum it all up, I think at the moment both Mr. MPB and I are pretty realistic that we may be one and done. But, we are not quite at the point of saying no to the possibility of a second child one day. Instead, at the moment we have simply said no to the possibility of a second child via gestational carrier right now. And maybe one day we’ll re-consider, but we just aren’t ready to make a final decision today.
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