Thoughts on a Second Child
Mr. MPB and I are both pretty convinced we will only ever have one child. I know that I will never again try to carry a child to term. I know that neither of us want to go through IVF to use a surrogate. I also know that we don’t want to hire a gestational carrier, even if we used donor eggs or donor embryos.
But, I also know I’d love a second child. My heart still longs for another child, a sibling for Little MPB. In some ways it seems as though the older Little MPB gets, the more I want those baby snuggles again.
So, given our decisions on the other paths to having children, I have it in the back of my mind that the only way we will ever have a second child is through adoption.
But, and it’s a big but.
I don’t think either Mr. MPB or I are able to adopt from the USA again. We are beyond jaded at the process. In the end, it felt like a very corrupt agency was running the show and would have done anything just to make more money. It just didn’t feel right.
So, the question becomes are we willing to adopt locally, waiting 4+ years? Or are we willing to look at other international countries, waiting who knows how long and paying who knows how much?
And, so, while we consider our options, we have simply done nothing. We have not contacted our local agency. We have not started saving our pennies. We have not even looked at the application.
And, neither of us even have the motivation to start doing anything. And, I cannot help but wonder, does our inactivity mean that we are so emotionally scarred from our first adoption that we don’t even want to consider a second adoption? Or does it mean that we really don’t want the financial burden of trying to figure out how to pay for another adoption, that we just aren’t going to do it again? Does it mean that the only way to have another child is if one magically falls from the sky and into our arms? Or does it mean that we really are okay with Little MPB being an only child? Does it mean we are truly a 1 and done family?
And how long are we willing to wait between children? I know technically we are still young, but if the adoption process is going to be 4+ years, we wont be young by the time the second child comes along, and the kids won’t be close in age.
And, can we really even manage another infant with both of us being self-employed and not having any parental leave benefits?
There is just so much to consider. Being one and done just seems like the easiest answer for so many reasons. And then, I cannot help but wonder, are we selfish to stop at one? Is our decision to make Little MPB an only child a cruel thing to do to him?
I wish this was all so much easier. And yet, I’m realistic enough to know that no amount of wishing will make it any easier…
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