First, let me state that rationally, I realize that the roseola virus is not the end of the word. In fact, Baby MPB had made a full recovery as he’s back to his healthy and happy self.
But, his illness nearly scared the life out of me. Honestly, it terrified me. Since the day we found out about him, I knew he would always be the focus of my life. And then, the moment he was placed in my arms, there was no doubt that my heart is forever tied to his heart.
But, feeling his little limp body in my arms as we sat at the hospital scared me more then I could ever have imaged.
And, somehow this made it real to me that he’s not invincible. Just because he’s here today doesn’t mean he will be tomorrow – and just that thought brings tears to my eyes. I just want him to always be healthy and happy.
But, holding his little body at the hospital, not knowing how to help, not knowing what was wrong or if he’d be okay, it petrified me.
And sadly, I know all too well that life has no guarantees. That’s just not how life works.
Clearly, I cannot live a healthy life being afraid that Baby MPB might die tomorrow. But I honestly have no idea what to do with this thought. And I have no idea how to not let it eat at me.
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