Baby Shower

I did it!  I went to my very first baby shower in almost 4 years!

It’s not the first one I’ve been invited in the last 4 years, in fact, I cannot count how many baby showers I should have gone to.  But, I made a decision once we lost our first baby, I would not expose myself to such hurt.  For the first few years, I always bought and sent a gift.  Then, as we got further and further down the recurrent pregnancy loss rabbit hole, I started simply sending a card and a gift card so that I could avoid the baby stores all together.  Being faced with our childlessness and the reminders of the happiness we weren’t experiencing simply was too much for to me bare.

But, last night, I put on my big girl pants and I went to a baby shower.

Truthfully, I was unsure about it so I didn’t RSVP until about 3 hours before.  And when I did, I was very careful to apologize for the late notice and to be understanding if it was too late to join.  Of course, they said not to worry and to stop by with Baby MPB.

Somehow, Baby MPB made it possible for me to go.  Not just the fact that he exists and I am no longer the baby-less women in the corner who everyone feels the need to encourage to have a baby.  But, the fact that he was invited to come with me made me comfortable – I knew I’d have my own little baby to distract me when/if I was upset.  And, I also knew that I would be holding my very own rainbow baby in my arms the whole time – sure I will never experience the pregnancy bump or my own in-real-life baby shower, but I am experiencing all the things that truly matter to me as Baby MPB’s mom. I expected that this in itself would make attending a baby shower easier for me.

And, I was right to be relieved to have baby MPB with me.  I’m a mother to a living child now, and that made me feel so much more comfortable which completely removed the pressure on me to have kids and no-one felt the need to continually tell me that I should really have a baby of my own (not that this surprised me, but it was nice not to be a target).  And, somehow Baby MPB makes it easier to tolerate the conversations that I couldn’t participate in like how mother’s connect with their baby during pregnancy.  And he also made it easier to ignore the conversations I could have participated in, but really shouldn’t – like I’m smart enough to know that no-one wants to hear the story about how my morning sickness ended at 8 weeks when my baby died or how my pregnancy weight gain was actually the result of 5 pregnancies that never ended with a living birth.  (Clearly, I bit my tongue in those instances)

But what I didn’t think about is now that Baby MPB is here, there were other conversations that I could participate in.  Like, picking out babies names or which baby products are the best must-haves or how babies completely change your life, etc.  Regardless of how I became a mom, I am quite clearly a mom and can participate in all the parenting conversations.

And, I was also wrong about being able to hold onto Baby MPB and be distracted by him when/if I needed to.  First, Baby MPB was the hit of the room, which probably shouldn’t be a surprise in a room of about 25 women and 1 baby.  Honestly, the entire time I basically never held him, and all I heard was how is the most content and happy baby they’ve ever seen. This clearly meant that he was not in my arms the entire time so I couldn’t hug him if felt the need.  But, second, I really never felt the need to hide behind Baby MPB or distract myself with him – thankfully, I was mostly okay the entire time.

Honestly, it might sound a bit silly, but I’m glad I finally put on my big girl pants.  It’s about time I start re-joining and participating in some of these baby/pregnancy social norms.  I acknowledge that there still be some things I skip or avoid, but last night, was a good first step.

But, I’ll admit, I still find gift openings tedious!  Some things never change.

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13 Comments on “Baby Shower

  1. Good for you! It is really nice to be able to join and enjoy. I skipped one shower in all the time we struggled and it was the best thing I did. I was told by one gal to host her shower when she knew we weren’t able to have kids (before IVF but post-diagnosis) and I did it and it ruined the friendship. I’m still not over it, and I don’t typically hold grudges. I should never have gone to, let alone hosted her shower.

    Babies make wonderful emotional shields, don’t they? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yay! I’m so happy you felt secure enough to go, and that Baby MPB was that catalyst. Our children don’t/can’t heal all our wounds, but from them we can derive a different kind of strength.

    Also, I too hate the present opening extravaganza. Who likes this?! I have refused to publicly open presents for years, but got so much passive aggressive bull from my in-laws that I finally caved at Chick’s first birthday. It made me so uncomfortable, I may never do it again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I tried to not open presents at my bridal shower but all the moms and aunts shut my ass down. Such a weird ritual, like, “Oh my gosh, it’s the bed sheets I picked out!!”

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Wow! What an amazing thing! Being a mom has changed you in so many ways you probably never even thought of before. You were strong before, and being a mom has given you even more strength and wisdom! Congrats on this awesome achievement!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Aw, good for you! I’m glad it was OK, and that Baby MPB got some very well-deserved admiration and snuggles from everyone in the room. 🙂

    I know what you mean about finding it hard to participate in the “normal” pregnancy talk and having to bite your tongue — even now that I’ve had a “normal” pregnancy, there’s so much of my experience that it’s just not socially acceptable to talk about. It’s too bad we’re not allowed to share our experiences the way that most women are. But I’m glad you were able to get back into participating in this social world, and I hope this is a sign of healing with more to come!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Good job! How nice to feel able to go and with your precious son in your arms. It’s funny – not in a funny haha way – how some things will always cause some anxiety, fear, discomfort, longing, etc. Like someone saying,”oh, is that still raw for you?” It never disappears or becomes not raw – it’s a part of who a person is, their schema, their wiring and heartstrings. I’m just happy for you that baby MPB is the light in your life (and of the shower, it sounds like) and that you connected over common ground too.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So glad you had fun at the shower!! Of course baby was a hit, because he’s adorable!! I hope that this will be your gateway to get out and be able to enjoy things more which you have been safeguarding yourself from for the past few years. I hear it’s a fun world out there, if you give yourself a chance to enjoy it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am so glad you went and it went well! It is hard to take that first step back into something like that! I bet baby MPB is a hit everywhere he goes!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Gift openings ARE tedious! Some people really like them though. So bizarre. At my shower I said I’d do them later so as not to bore people and a bunch of peeps moaned and sounded all disappointed so I did it after all! Ha! Glad you had a positive experience at the shower 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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