We just got the call. Like, THE CALL.

Our local agency just spoke with my husband. Our match proposal is still with our province officials, and the agency expects to receive it later today/tomorrow.

So, we have absolutely NO details. We know nothing.

We have a meeting scheduled for tomorrow where we will learn more. We hope.

In fact, in 22 hours and 51 minutes amongst other things, we expect to find out:

• Where our baby will be born.
• When our baby is expected to be born.
• If our baby is a boy or a girl.
• Birth mom’s medical history.
• If the birth father is known and involved.
• Our baby’s race.

I have so many questions and thoughts. And yet I don’t seem to be able to form coherent sentences.

• We have to pay a huge amount of money within 24 hours of accepting the match, we need to get our finances together.
• I have meetings scheduled next week. How do I cancel them without telling anyone it has to do with a possible adoption? Do I even need to cancel them? Do I need to?
• Our doctor needs to see the medical stuff. Can I get an appointment at the last minute?
• How are we going to deal with child care?
• Who do we tell? I’ve told one friend. Heck, I told her before Mr. MPB even hung up the phone with our agency. But now I don’t want to say anything to anyone. I want to be happy and I don’t want to answer stupid and naïve adoption questions from family and friends. Not today, I just want to be happy.
• Will it be a little boy or a little girl?
• Baby is going to need a name!! Eeek! I think it’s time to get serious about choosing a name.
• What are the interstate logistics?
• Seriously, we just spent $700 on extra books, and now we may never use them!
• Is the birth mom healthy? Is our child being cared for?
• Will we actually bring this baby home? Is this really our child?
• We will finally be the family we’ve been dreaming of for so long?
• Am I ready to be a mom? Like really ready? Can I do this? Am I going to be good enough?
• Our bathroom reno. Arg….not done yet.
• What do we need to buy still?! I haven’t even put our washed baby clothing away (it’s all just thrown in the crib), that should probably happen before baby comes home. Eeek…when will baby come home?!
• What do we need to pack to spend a few weeks in a hotel with baby. Oh my gosh, we have so much to do!!

I’m excited. I’m terrified. I’m elated. I’m petrified.

I am literally shaking.

And while all kinds of exciting thoughts are swirling in my mind, I have to keep reminding myself that the match might not work out, and this might not be our baby.

For now, I am going to remind myself to take deep breaths.

Breathe in and breathe out.

Today might just be the first day of the rest of our lives.

* Please note that I will read each and every comment, but something tells me in the next few weeks we are going to be incredibly busy and I might not have time to respond to comments. Also, I will do my best to keep up on other blogs, but I may just have to like rather than comment. If you need me, send an email (myperfectbreakdown@gmail.com) and I’ll do my very best to be in touch.

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