Our Strategy to Embracing Adoption Excitement

  Posted on February 23, 2015 By

 66 Comments

Lately we’ve been feeling a little frustrated with the adoption process. Rather, I’ve been feeling a little frustrated with the adoption process and Mr. MPB seems to be a bit more relaxed about it all then I am. (This is normal with us, some days I’d give anything to be a little more relaxed and chill like Mr. MPB, but instead I just keep telling him that if we were both that way, then nothing would ever get done).

So, recently we decided that with every big adoption milestone we are going to start buying something for our future child. I’m currently thinking our other big adoption process milestones will probably include:

  • Home study completion
  • Official approval by our province
  • Official approval by the USA government
  • Completion of our adoption book
  • Officially waiting

This is a pretty darn big step for me, the girl who:

  • just unpacked a little green rocking chair which has been in storage for years,
  • has nothing to signify any of our losses; and,
  • has not bought a single thing for any of our lost 5 babies, not even our first when we should have been innocent to the possibility of miscarriage.

Really, I had been paralyzed by fear. Recurrent pregnancy loss took away so much from me, including my innocence and excitement for a future baby. Rather, I let RPL do that to me. While I’ve tried hard to fight to see happiness throughout, and find hope when I could, the fact is it hasn’t always been easy and sometimes it’s been downright hard.

But, since we’ve chosen to move forward with our family with adoption, I have finally starting to feel like I can live again. I’ve been slowly reclaiming my life by exercising again, not looking at a calendar and automatically calculating my cycle day or simply making travel plans for whenever we want to. And by living again, I’m finding it a lot easier to be more hopeful.

But I still have another area that I need to start reclaiming – hope for our future child, and our future family. Honestly, I feel like it’s time to start thinking beyond the RPL fears of loss and start embracing the excitement of our future child who will join our family through adoption.

In my mind one of the benefits of adoption over any other form of having a child (i.e. surrogacy, gestational carrier, natural pregnancy, etc.) is that we know we will get our child eventually.

Knowing all of this and having a desire to start building our excitement, I’ve suggested to Mr. MPB that we start actually buying a few things for our child. Mr. MPB agrees.

So, to celebrate our home study we bought a picture for our child’s room that is special to us and will hopefully be special to them one day too.

Ingenuity Washable Playard

Ingenuity Washable Playard

To celebrate our completed home study we are going to buy a pack-and-play playard/playpen of some sort (we are currently eying the one in the photo). We figure this is a pretty reasonable purchase to make early because then no-matter when we get a call we will have somewhere safe for our baby to sleep. And by buying a travel one, we will also have somewhere for our child to safely sleep when we are in the USA. For us, two very practical people, this seems like a very good purchase to make early.

So, here it is, we are going to take some baby steps, and start filling the nursery with more than a little green chair. When the fears start to rise within my chest, I will just focus on the future, our future child and our future family. It will all be worth it.

Any suggestions for what else we should get as we reach our future milestones? As we have the time to shop around, we hope to buy second-hand whenever possible (keeping in mind that not everything should be purchased second hand for safety/sanitary reasons).

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 Category: Adoption      Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

66 Comments on “Our Strategy to Embracing Adoption Excitement”

  2. I LOVE this approach of celebrating each milestone with a baby purchase. I think it’s totally in line with your sensibilities and the pace at which you are moving through the adoption process. I think the pack&play is a perfect purchase as it lends so much practicality to all of your possible scenarios. I guess the parents out there can lend some ideas on what other “essentials” should go on your list as well. Question: do you think it is likely that someone will throw you a baby shower? I know this might be a touchy subject, with complex timelines, but I really hope someone does when the time comes. You, Mr. MPB, and that baby deserve it.

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    • One of my friends has already started talking about a baby shower, but as of now, I’m not ready. Truthfully, even without RPL I would struggle to have one as I’ve never been a fan of showers – I didn’t really even enjoy my own wedding shower, I just find them awkward.
      I really want to do something like that once our child is here – more like a family and friends BBQ where everyone (not just the women) are invited to meet the little one. But as our family all lives out of town it would probably be small with our local friends as I don’t think too many people would travel to attend.

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      • I think the BBQ sounds like a fabulous idea! Like a “meet the baby” party. I am not a fan of showers either, but I think my MIL would kill us if we didn’t allow for one.

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      • At least you and DW would get to be at the shower together! I’ve always thought Mr. MPB should have to suffer through a shower while I go do something fun. 🙂
        Maybe this is one of the circumstances where our families disinterest will be a good thing? I highly doubt my step-mom will offer to host one (she didn’t even help with my wedding shower, yet has hosted showers for all her nieces), and while my MIL might offer to do one with Mr. MPB’s family, we would simply ask her to wait until the child is with us (there is potential for drama there, but we will deal with it when the time comes).

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      • Yes, so true. Awkward social events are always much easier with DW. I can’t even imagine how horrid baby showers have been for you so far! I’m sad to hear about your step-mom, and her indifference towards you. My mom is like that too. She didn’t even attend my wedding shower. It was heartbreaking, but we learn what to expect from our people eventually, don’t we?

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      • I generally just skip baby showers, and always have even before RPL (I really don’t enjoy them). I send a gift, but come up with any convenient reason why I cannot attend the actual event and then meet the baby on my own terms when I’m ready. 🙂
        I’m sad for you as well. When it comes to my family I’m clearly a slow learner, but like you, at least I’m getting there and my expectations are drastically lower now.

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  3. This is fabulous!! I love that you’re going to celebrate the milestones by purchasing something for your new family member!! And I’m SOOO happy that you’re learning to let go of some of the fear, and embracing the excitement of it all. And I also love that pack & play!! I may refer back to this post whenever we get our BFP 😉

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    • Thanks Amy! I always love how encouraging you are!! 🙂
      We’ll see what we actually end up buying – I really like that one because it’s washable and if I’m buying it used I really want to be able to wash it! But, Evie commented that it’s not the greatest, so maybe we’ll change our minds once we look at it.

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  4. That’s an exciting step! Yay!

    I personally think pack’n’plays are overrated, but if you travel, it may be a practical purchase for you. I think if you “test drive” them, you will find that the ones with the diaper changing station and bassinet are not of great quality: the sleeping station is like a cardboard mat, and for changing, it’s easier and more comfortable to just lay the baby down on the bed/changing mat/regular (bassinet height) mattress of a pack and play.

    I have put that Ingenuity one together and it was not a simple task, either, so it may not be the best choice for traveling. I’m usually one for fancy baby gear (put that $$ towards a bangin’ stroller!), but in this case, you might be best suited with a simple pack and play that has a bassinet level option. The fancy bassinet/changer ones LOOK nice but if you actually check them out, I think you’ll be disappointed in their quality.

    I also love the 4 Moms Breeze, which is very portable– but pricey enough that you might hesitate to fly with it!

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  5. Coming from the world of RPL, being able to say “when” instead of “if” in regards to your future child must be an amazing feeling. It may seem like a small thing but for those of us who have been there I can only imagine the sense of hope and peace it brings you to be able to say it.

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    • You are right, it is a pretty amazing feeling to be able to say “when.” In fact, some days it still feels pretty weird to say when not if, but we are getting better at it. 🙂

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  6. I think the pack and play is a great purchase! We love ours and it is so easy to set up/take down. We currently use it on our living room and put her activity mat in it so she’s not on the floor with the dog and cats. It’s easy to travel with so o know she always has something to sleep in.

    I think your idea to purchase something after each milestone is fantastic! 🙂

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  7. I absolutely love this idea. I’m so excited that you’re BUYING stuff! (I guess if you can do it, I can do it!)

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  8. What a lovely thing to do! And no fear either – the feeling of which I completely understand. How wonderful to be celebrating life, rather than worrying about all the bad things that can happen. I am so excited for you both on this journey and the wonderful family you are building. It’s a lovely, uplifting thing for me to read about too – thank you for sharing a little bit of your life on here x

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    • I’m working really hard to start celebrating more and embracing that through adoption we will eventually get our child. Some days are still hard, but even on the bad days we feel so much more hopeful now then we ever have during all the RPL stuff. 🙂

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  11. Very exciting! I am staring at the pack ‘n play we have set up in our room–you just can’t beat the value and versatility of these things! Definitely consider a stroller (a travel system is handy), a car seat is essential, a swing, a bouncy seat, blankets…research what sort of bottles, formula, and diapers you want to use…and whenever a precious outfit/toy/book catches your eye (gender neutral, of course) just buy it! After hesitating for so long (which I did well into the 2nd trimester) it will feel exhilarating to finally buy things 🙂 XOXO

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    • Which pack ‘n play did you buy?? There are so many options, and I’m trying desperatly to buy mine online rather then going into an actual baby store to try them out (I’m just not ready for that yet).
      Thanks for all the ideas! We are going to wait for the car seat until we are placed as this is one thing I want to buy new and we figure we’ll probably get a better deal in the USA then we will here. But the swing, bouncy seat, blankets, etc. all sound like wonderful ideas!

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  12. I like the “special” purchases like the photo for the baby room. We bought a pack ‘n play way back when we started trying to conceive. You could knock off a few milestones with the bigger items – high chair, pack ‘n play, bouncer, etc. Or you could get more special items – a cute onesie, the coming home outfit (if you can find a gender neutral one), a stuffed animal, a special rattle, etc. Either way, I suggest you just purchase what feels right for you!

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    • Thanks for the ideas Lindsey! I agree, it’s all about what feels right for us at the time. Some items will probably be necessities, and some will probably be more special like the photo for our babies room.

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  13. This is great news. I am so glad you are starting to reclaim your hope and do things in preparation! So happy for you. My husband and I are similar. I am much more on edge and he is Mr. Calm and Collected 90% of the time 🙂

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  15. I love that pack and play!!! So cute. We are so alike…J is also way more laid back in this process than I am. I’m itching to get all the paperwork completed and he doesn’t seem too worried about it, lol. I love your idea about purchasing something for each milestone you reach. I wonder if I could convince J to do this. Our problem is storage since the daycare kids are currently occupying both of our extra rooms, lol.

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    • I absolutely think you should try to convince J! If storage is limited you could always try to pick up smaller things that you can put away in a closet until your adoption happens – small special mementos for your baby. 🙂

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  16. I have the exact playard and love it! I also have their swing, bouncy chair, and rocking bassinet. We use all of these items daily. The only thing I don’t like about these items is each seem to take different size batteries. A little annoying when you have to get AA for one, AAA for another, and C batteries for the other thing. You would think of everything matches, the company would make the battery packs universal so you would need the same size for everything. Not sure if it’s is the same way with the competitors stuff

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    • Really? I love hearing that you have that one and love it! I love that it’s washable since we are planning to buy it used – in fact, we are meeting the seller to look at it tomorrow.
      My biggest hope is that it’s easy to take down and is decently small to travel with, since we will be traveling with it due to the international component of our adoption. 🙂

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      • We really haven’t been adventurous enough to take it down once we put it together lol- so I won’t be any help there. I do like the changing table component because we have a split level house- so keeps me from going up 2 flights of stairs just to change a diaper. I hope you like it- plus it’s new so you can still get the matching other accessories like the swing and such!

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  17. I’m so happy to hear that you’re enjoying the process a little and doing some baby shopping, good for you. A pack and play, from what my sisters tell me, is so necessary and useful.

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    • Thanks so much. We figure the combination of a 80lbs dog and the fact that we will be traveling from the very beginning we really need to make sure we have the pack and play right away. 🙂

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  18. So wonderful to see you taking your life into your own hands. The purchases for milestones is a great idea. Make sure you try out the pack and play. There will be times you need to set it up with one hand, child in the other. Some are bears to assemble. I agree with the writer to look at the mattress/pad. (Some babies are so sensitive they need memory foam added ) A stroller system that converts, including a car seat is super smart. You won’t want to wake a sleeping baby to transport, and for tiny ones the car seat works better even when strolling. Go for used as much as you can and enjoy refreshing or decorating to your heart’s content.
    Most important, if you haven’t already, start journaling, a gift for this child when he begins to ask where he/she came from.

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    • Thanks so much for the encouragement and the advice!! I appreciate any words of wisdom when it comes to baby stuff as we really have no idea what we need verses what we want.
      We are absolutely in favour of used whenever we can – I think so long as it’s washable and not the car seat (I will be incredibly insane when it comes to the car seat) we will buy most thing used. I’m hoping to find some good deals at garage sales this summer. 🙂

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  19. I love this! And, while I think it’s important to be practical, I also think this is a time to bring a little bit of magic to the process. You’re going to buy the practical stuff anyway … maybe for your celebrations, you should also seek things that could last the child’s lifetime. The picture and the rocking chair are a great start; they might not always stay with you (they are only things, after all) but it’s not impossible to imagine them being passed along to a grandchild 20 or 30 years hence, So … maybe a particularly beautiful blankie to snuggle your newborn in? A teddy bear? Chimes or colored glass pendants to hang in the window? That’s how I would do it, anyway… 🙂

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    • Magic sure would be nice! 🙂
      I think you make a great point about also adding magic to the process and putting our practicality aside sometimes. I like the idea of chimes or coloured glass pendants to hang in the window – maybe we will stumble upon something like that for one of our milestones.

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  20. Love this idea!
    With two large dogs we use(d) our Pack-n-Play a lot. With Turkey-Man we had a Trend Lab one which ended up falling apart after a couple of years. The Graco one we got with Little-Flower is still going strong but she is not nearly as rough of things. I still use it on occasion to put her in if I am cooking or need to go to the bathroom. We have an open floor plan house so I cannot hate her in anywhere so that’s where she goes.

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  22. These sound like great ideas! I’m happy that you’re allowing some excitement about things into your life. As you’ve already gotten many comments, I won’t make any suggestions about what to buy. Just have fun! ❤

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    • Thanks so much! Yes, there are lots of great ideas here! And I’ve also come to realize that there are countless different options there when it comes to baby stuff. I think I’m going to focus on your suggestion – just have fun. 🙂

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