Here are a few things I’ve heard other parents say:
If I knew how hard having kids was, I probably wouldn’t have had them.
If I knew what I knew now, I probably wouldn’t have had kids.
Having kid’s isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
I fully respect that everyone is free to have their own opinions. I also fully respect that there are some very hard moments that come along with raising children – the sleepless nights, the poopsplosians, the teething hell, the arguments, the toddler tantrums. And, I fully expect the teenage years will have their own special kind of crazy hard moments. And, so I absolutely understand that children do the most unexpected things and always keep us on our toes. I absolutely understand it’s not always easy – gosh, there have been so many tears and anxiety in the last two years. Being a parent is the absolute hardest thing in the world.
But, while I respect everyone’s right to their own opinion. I have to say, here are things I have never, not once, thought or said:
If I knew how hard having kids was, I probably wouldn’t have had them.
If I knew what I knew now, I probably wouldn’t have had kids.
Having kid’s isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Honestly, in my mind and in our household it goes more like this:
How did we get so lucky?
Look at him, could life be any better right now?
I wouldn’t trade this for anything.
You see, the one thing we know, without a doubt, is that we are so fortunate to be parents. We are so fortunate to have Little MPB in our lives. We are thankful that adoption was an option available to create our family.
Nothing ever cures the heartache and pain of infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. I know those memories, those little lives lost too soon, will always be with me – they’ve been etched into my heart and my soul. But, I will forever be grateful for those 5 lost little lives for teaching me how special being a parent is. I’ll always be thankful they gave me an appreciation for the hard moments, and for making me a better, more patient, mother. Really I’ll always be thankful for how those babies, and our losses have made each and every moment, even the mundane moments, extra sweet.
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November is/was Adoption Awareness Month. I don’t think I new about Adoption Awareness Day (November 18) and about Adoption Awareness month until this year. Yet, once again, just like the pregnancy and infant loss awareness month in October, I’ve struggled to put pen to paper.
As an aside, I find it interesting how I struggle to write about something when I feel as though I’m being told to write about it. I know my lack of works is not the result of not know what to write. I always have lots to say. But rather, I think it’s that I struggle with these awareness months/dates, because I hate that we need them. I hate that our society is not more accepting and understanding of these “less common” things. But that’s probably a rant best saved for a different day.
Anyways, as I reflect on Adoption Awareness Month, I have to say, not a day goes by that I’m not thankful for adoption. Adoption gave me a child. Adoption made me a mother. This is truly amazing for me. But, as much as adoption has been amazing for me, I realize adoption is not about me.
And so while I am thankful every single day, not a day goes by that I am not in awe at what it truly means for me to be a mother. Someone else, another mother, is living with loss everyday. A type of loss that I cannot even begin to imagine. I know the loss of babies who I desperately loved that never took their first breaths. But, I cannot even begin to know the loss of a child who is living and breathing somewhere else in the world. The fact that I get to love Little MPB, play with him every single day, sing silly songs, have nightly dance parties, change stinky diapers, see his smiling face ever morning and be on the receiving end of his adorable little kisses and fierce full body hugs, is an honor that is not lost to me. I believe the words I wrote here, are the best words I’ve ever written on my feelings around being a mother thanks to adoption.
I know I make mistakes. I know I’m not a perfect person, in fact I’m pretty darn imperfect. And I know I’m definitely not a perfect mother, but I do try my absolute best. And, I also know I don’t understand all things adoption or open-adoption. But, I know, that I have to make it my lives mission to be the best mother, and specifically I have to be the best mother thanks to open-adoption that I can possibly be. I never anticipated being a mother thanks to open-adoption, but the second I knew I would be, was the second I knew I’d never stop trying to be the very best that I can be. I believe my son’s birthmother deserves that from me. And, more then anything, my son deserves that fro me. In fact, I believe it’s his right. He had no say in his adoption reality, and it will undoubtedly impact the rest of his life (exactly how is anyone’s guess). But, I firmly believe, it is my role as his mother to be open and honest while providing a loving home for him to grow up in.
And so, I will continue to read. I will continue to learn. I will continue to educate and advocate.
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My Perfect Breakdown 