With adoption it’s not quite like you come home from the hospital and life moves on with a new tiny life.
Yes, that’s clearly a big part of it and that’s awesome and amazing. BUT, we do have adoption specific things that must be done in the coming months:
Step 1. Post Placement Home Visits. These will be done at per-arranged times during the first 6 months of Baby MPB’s life. In complete contrast to when we did our initial home study, I actually find these enjoyable. And, now that I’m relaxed about it all, I do not clean up at all before hand as we figure our social worker can see us for who we are. Really, it’s enjoyable because I really like our social worker and we just chat about what we’ve been up to. Like, doctor’s appointments, visits with family and friends, mommy and baby classes, and visits to the zoo and museums. She takes notes and plays with Baby MPB (unless he’s sleeping, in which case he just sleeps). For us, these visits really don’t cause stress. We just see them as a necessary part of the process. And really, it’s kind of fun to showing Baby MPB off.
Step 2. Adoption Finalization. This is when the courts in the USA say, yes, Mr. MPB and I are who we say we are and we are doing just fine with baby MPB. We shouldn’t have to be present for court date, but there is a chance we will skype into the meeting and a very slim chance we could be required to fly to be there in person. We will be required to provide a complete accounting of all the money we’ve spent to be submitted to the court. So, while we made the decision not to know the exact dollar figure, we will have to go back and figure it out now. As well, at this time Baby MPB’s original birth certificate will forever be sealed and a new one issued with our names on it (I find this weird and archaic). We do not have a say in this, and I am thankful our lawyers got us an original copy of his original birth certificate so he can have it if he ever wants it. Oh, and we have to pay yet another adoption bill at this time. I’m sure there will be more expectations on us as we get closer to a finalization court date, but for now that’s all I know. As for the timelines to finalization, the actual finalization will likely not happen until Baby MPB is 8-10 months old because the home visits must be done and then the court date must be set in a very busy court system which focuses on emergency/urgent foster care children (which I fully support and understand).
As far as the adoption finalization process goes, truthfully it’s not causing us any stress, it’s all in the hands of our lawyer who has been really good to us throughout this process. Further, all birth-parents signed off on the adoption prior to his birth so we wont have any complications there. And, we also know that it will happen, it’s just a matter of time and procedures. So, there is really no reason to worry.
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I am still not thrilled about having to find childcare for Baby MPB while he is so young. But, we’ve come to realize we need to. It simply isn’t fair to Baby MPB to be juggled while we attempt to work, and it also isn’t fair to our clients for us to be disengaged with their projects. (Although, truthfully, I care more about Baby MPB’s well being then my clients).
I knew that there was no way I was putting Baby MPB into a daycare at his age. In fact, daycare’s here don’t even seem to take infants until 6 months old. (A few take them at 3 months, but I would have had to put him on a waiting list at least 9 months ago, and clearly wasn’t possible). We also realize we aren’t ready to leave Baby MPB with someone unattended, at least not yet. So, we’ve decided that we need to hire someone to come to our house. We also know for the first while, we’ll work our schedules to be sure that one of us is always working from home while the nanny is here. This way, we are here if we are needed and we can get work done while the nanny takes care of diapers, feeding and playing with Baby MPB. It seemed to be the best solution for our circumstances.
So, I posted an add on caredotcom. Our requirements were:
- a few days a week. Flexible on days, but need a constant schedule.
- CPR is ideal.
- need to provide their own transportation to our house.
- must be at our house.
- must be good with a large dog and willing to walk her.
- be willing to do a few errands from time to time.
- be willing to do light housekeeping (i.e. laundry, keep the house clean).
Within 24 hours, we had 24 applicants respond to the ad.
I sat down and began reading their emails and their resumes. I easily tossed aside about half of them due to a lack of qualifications (i.e. no transportation, no CPR, etc.).
Then Mr. MPB read through them and did a second cut.
We narrowed it down to about 5 that we wanted to meet. So we began interviewing:
First interview was okay. But when she left, we both knew she wasn’t for us.
Second interview didn’t show up. So, clearly we are not interested in her.
Third interview cancelled on us as she decided to move and didn’t want to commute to our house. Fair enough, I appreciated the heads up.
Fourth interview had no previous nanny experience but a retired nurse who had has raised her own children. She was super chatty which could prove distracting to me as I’m super chatty. The catch, she wanted to bring her toddler with her. We saw the positive of this being that Baby MPB would get social interaction. The negative would be the noise for us while trying to work and we wondered if Baby MPB would really get the attention he deserves and that we sre paying for. But she was nice and knows how to care for young children.
Fifth interview. A university student, with previous nanny experience with awesome references. Growing up her mom ran a day-home, so she has spent more time around children then we have. She’s calm, quiet and really nice.
In the end, we’ve decided to go with number 5. We are doing a week trial to see if we like her and she likes us. My hopes are high as she offered to stay late to help out while I’m sick and her demeanor is a good fit for us, and she seems comfortable with such a young baby. Here’s to hoping she’s the good fit we envision!
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