In a few days it will be the 20 year anniversary of my mom and sister’s death.
It’s been 20 years, and yet, I honestly cannot fathom that it’s been 20 years!!
In the last 20 years I’ve grown up, heck my entire life has changed over the last 20 years. I graduated high school, I lived in a foreign country, I got a university degree, and then another one, I got married, we had 5 miscarriages and now I am actually a mother myself. Clearly I am not the same young girl whose life was turned upside down by a tragic car accident.
And yet, as much as my life has continued, the young 14 year old girl who never got to say goodbye still exists within me. I still long for another hug from my mom. I still long to sing and dance with my sister. I still wish for another family dinner or even just one more smile.
So often I wish I could just pick up the phone and call my mom, I know she’d be able to offer advice in a way that no-one else can. Heck, I think I’d even listen to her. And, I know she would have been such an amazing grandmother. I know Little MPB would have loved her so much.
And my sister, she died way too young, she was only 15. She was just a kid. Sometimes I wonder, what would she be doing now if she were still alive? Would she have achieved her dream of becoming a teacher? Would she be a mom? Gosh, she would have been an amazing mom!! And I cannot help but wonder what we’d chat about on the phone once our kids were in bed, and what stories we’d share with each other. She was my sister, but even as teenagers she was also my best friend.
I truly miss them, every single day.
I always find the lead up to the anniversary of the deaths the hardest. I become consumed with dread as the date approaches. And this year, like every other year, is no different.
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Yesterday upon pick-up from daycare, like normal Little MPB dropped what he was doing and charged straight for me (that will never get old). But, what was new was that the teacher in Little MPBs room approached me with the manager of the facility was right behind her. I knew it wasn’t going to be good news.
Honestly, I assumed he did something to another child, and I wasn’t very excited to find out what he did.
Well, it turns out he fell and cut him mouth. And since there was blood there had to be an incident report. He was fine. As in, I cannot see a cut anywhere. But, while inspecting I did notice that 16 tooth finally came through (YAY!!!!!). So I actually think the blood may have been from the moment the tooth cut through? But regardless, I wasn’t upset or worried in the least because I do believe toddlers are bound to get small bumps, bruises and cuts too.
But, of course the cut wasn’t the only incident. I quickly found out that he had 2 incident reports. Clearly he’s a true MPB, and has decided if he’s going to do something he’d better go big!
It turns out he was bitten by another child. No marks were left, which wouldn’t normally require an incident report. But, since this was a first they wanted to let us know. And it turns out he was bitten because he stuck his finger in another child’s mouths. If I’m honest I kind of hope he may have learned a valuable life lesson – if he sticks his hand in someone else’s mouth, he’ll probably get bitten! I’m chalking this bite up to the fact that he’s just exploring the world around him. And, I also realize these types of things are bound to happen. And for now, at least he wasn’t the bitter, I figure we’ll cross that bridge another day.
And then, amongst all the incident reports, I learned that Little MPB has a daily pre-nap activity. Little MPB walks around and gives all the girls hugs before nap time. Seriously, how cute is that?!
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My Perfect Breakdown 