In a few days it will be the 20 year anniversary of my mom and sister’s death.
It’s been 20 years, and yet, I honestly cannot fathom that it’s been 20 years!!
In the last 20 years I’ve grown up, heck my entire life has changed over the last 20 years. I graduated high school, I lived in a foreign country, I got a university degree, and then another one, I got married, we had 5 miscarriages and now I am actually a mother myself. Clearly I am not the same young girl whose life was turned upside down by a tragic car accident.
And yet, as much as my life has continued, the young 14 year old girl who never got to say goodbye still exists within me. I still long for another hug from my mom. I still long to sing and dance with my sister. I still wish for another family dinner or even just one more smile.
So often I wish I could just pick up the phone and call my mom, I know she’d be able to offer advice in a way that no-one else can. Heck, I think I’d even listen to her. And, I know she would have been such an amazing grandmother. I know Little MPB would have loved her so much.
And my sister, she died way too young, she was only 15. She was just a kid. Sometimes I wonder, what would she be doing now if she were still alive? Would she have achieved her dream of becoming a teacher? Would she be a mom? Gosh, she would have been an amazing mom!! And I cannot help but wonder what we’d chat about on the phone once our kids were in bed, and what stories we’d share with each other. She was my sister, but even as teenagers she was also my best friend.
I truly miss them, every single day.
I always find the lead up to the anniversary of the deaths the hardest. I become consumed with dread as the date approaches. And this year, like every other year, is no different.
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