Mother’s Day, like father’s day and valentines day, etc. are all what I like to call “Hallmark” made-up days.. Yes, they are fun excuse to tell people we love them, but I also am a firm believer that we should be telling and showing people our love on a regular/daily basis.
And for me, I have to admit, I almost don’t like Mother’s Day. Truthfully, it just brings up so many emotions for me that it’s not a blissfully happy day in my world.
Yes, I am beyond thankful that Little MPB made me a mom. Absolutely, completely beyond thankful. As in, I cannot even for a second imagine not being his mom. He seriously has completed our family in a way I almost never thought would be possible. And so this Mother’s Day, just like the last few, we will spend the day as a family, and Mr. MPB and I will both soak-up all the happiness and wonder that Little MPB brings to our lives. And yes, knowing how close I was to never becoming a mother to a living child, I will hold him a little extra tight and thank my lucky stars for him. (Truthfully, I thank my lucky stars every single day for him and I hug him tighter then he’d prefer most days).
But the truth is, Mother’s Day is just another reminder that I do not have a mother in my life anymore and I never will. It’s been over 20 years since I last talked to my mom or had a hug from her. And, yet, after all this time, the little girl in me still just misses her mom.
And, Mother’s Day also reminds me that of the experiences and grief that came along with loosing multiple babies before they were able to take their first breaths.
And, even more, Mother’s Day reminds me of all the years I dreamed of becoming a mother, the years I wished to have a living baby in my arms. The years we hid from society just to avoid the day. The years no-one acknowledged our lost babies and our breaking hearts, and the fact that no-ones still acknowledges our lost babies. My heart breaks for all of those who know these feelings and for those who are still waiting and for those who cannot hold their children. So this weekend, I want to send my love to all mothers, but especially to those mother’s who will be overlooked again this year.
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