Peeing On A Stick
It’s been a while since I contemplated peeing on any sort of stick. After our first loss, stick peeing is simply not a stage of my life that I particularly loved. Seeing a positive pregnancy test the first time was so incredibly exciting, both Mr. MPB and I were filled with so much joy and hope. But the reality is that over the course of 5 losses, seeing a positive pregnancy test became anxiety provoking torture. We dreaded the possibility of being pregnant because for us pregnancy simply means miscarriage and loss.
Yet, when I realized how much my stomach is bothering me and how food has been impacting me I couldn’t help but think, what if I’m pregnant?! I do have a Mirena IUD for birth control, but I figured I really should find out if I’m pregnant. We are still young and right in the prime of our lives for having children. And, we are actually incredibly fertile. Really, getting pregnant is the only part of baby making we were good at. Our struggle was staying pregnant since my body just doesn’t function the way it should.
Anyways, my doctor did a bunch of blood work on Friday because of the ulcer, but I honestly didn’t pay too much attention to the tests he ran, so far all I know he did a beta just to check. But, I don’t know. (I know I should have paid more attention, but honestly, I’m barely eating and I just don’t have the energy). What I do know is that I wasn’t prepared to wait until the weekend was over to find out a possible beta result. I needed to know right away.
Oh the memories.
And, I can say that according to a 6 day early test, I am not pregnant. And, I can also honestly say, that I am beyond relieved that I’m not pregnant! I know I still have a desire for a second child floating around in my heart. But both Mr. MPB and I agree that if one day we decide to have a second child, no-matter what my body will not be part of bringing another child into our family. My heart and mind simply cannot take the thought of knowing my body will slowly kill another life.
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