Peeing On A Stick
It’s been a while since I contemplated peeing on any sort of stick. After our first loss, stick peeing is simply not a stage of my life that I particularly loved. Seeing a positive pregnancy test the first time was so incredibly exciting, both Mr. MPB and I were filled with so much joy and hope. But the reality is that over the course of 5 losses, seeing a positive pregnancy test became anxiety provoking torture. We dreaded the possibility of being pregnant because for us pregnancy simply means miscarriage and loss.
Yet, when I realized how much my stomach is bothering me and how food has been impacting me I couldn’t help but think, what if I’m pregnant?! I do have a Mirena IUD for birth control, but I figured I really should find out if I’m pregnant. We are still young and right in the prime of our lives for having children. And, we are actually incredibly fertile. Really, getting pregnant is the only part of baby making we were good at. Our struggle was staying pregnant since my body just doesn’t function the way it should.
Anyways, my doctor did a bunch of blood work on Friday because of the ulcer, but I honestly didn’t pay too much attention to the tests he ran, so far all I know he did a beta just to check. But, I don’t know. (I know I should have paid more attention, but honestly, I’m barely eating and I just don’t have the energy). What I do know is that I wasn’t prepared to wait until the weekend was over to find out a possible beta result. I needed to know right away.
So, this weekend, I went and bought a pregnancy test.
Oh the memories.
And, I can say that according to a 6 day early test, I am not pregnant. And, I can also honestly say, that I am beyond relieved that I’m not pregnant! I know I still have a desire for a second child floating around in my heart. But both Mr. MPB and I agree that if one day we decide to have a second child, no-matter what my body will not be part of bringing another child into our family. My heart and mind simply cannot take the thought of knowing my body will slowly kill another life.
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My Perfect Breakdown 
Jeez, I am so sorry that you had to go through this! I hope if at all you have to pee on any stick henceforth, its only for protein and sugar!
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I hope you get well soon. 😗
Any kind of sickness is just draining and then having a toddler around gets even more difficult.
I hope you have your second child and your desire gets fulfilled. I am so sorry your body has made you feel what you feel regarding pregnancy. May the Lord help you fulfil your wish. Xx
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Tottaly undertand your Blog. Sending you my love and prayers.
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I’m so sorry for all your losses. I had one the very first time I became pregnant (and I suspect a couple chemical pregnancies) and it makes it hard to feel like a pregnancy is safe after even one loss. I’m glad you are happy with those test results and wish you all the best for baby #2!
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Sorry you had that extra stress floating around in your head. I’m happy that you don’t have any additional medical issues to deal with right now as well. Have you been able to eat anything else since all the suggestions yesterday?
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My heart weeps for you. I know exactly how you feel, each of our positive test results (barring the first, of course) has only led to anxiety and fear and I have atleast had two positive outcomes from the 6.
I hope you get better soon, being ill with a baby really does suck. Big loves xxx
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Just thinking about peeing on a stick gives me so much anxiety. I have seen so many negative ones it is gutting. This last time during this donor egg cycle after I had decided to take one the day before beta ( the anxiety of waiting for that phone call from the clinic is slightly worse for me) I was literally shaking for three hours before and couldn’t read the results because I was shaking so hard. I can’t even pass them in a store without feeling the fear creep in. So glad you got the result you wanted. I really hope you feel better.
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Sending you love. I’m sorry you had to go through this!!
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I am sorry about all of your losses. It truly takes a toll on youe spirit. You are in my prayers…
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I’m happy that you’re not having to deal with the anxiety of being pregnant again. At the same time, I feel very strange saying it even though I know, that for you, it’s a good thing not to be. I guess I just hate that those are the cards you were dealt. Sending you love!
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