The topic of birth control has started to re-appear in our lives.
When we first discovered our local RE’s negligent approach to progesterone supplements, as we were already in the TWW so we started hoping we were not pregnant for the first time ever (and got lucky when our TWW did not result in a pregnancy). And then, once we decided to seek the expertise of Dr. Braverman, we made the decision to take all necessary measures to not get pregnant until we had his diagnosis and treatment plan.
It started as a simple discussion about if we are actively not trying, should we be using some sort of real contraception? My answer, and our ultimate decision, was/is not yet. If there is a chance we may try again, I don’t want to go back onto some sort of chemical hormone. I’d rather keep my body free of unnecessary chemicals should we want to try again.
So, our current birth control approach is the most effective solution to preventing pregnancy – abstinence. Right now we just aren’t willing to take the risk – it feel too reckless to risk a pregnancy without implementing a proper treatment plan. So, for the last little while we have effectively been using all our timed intercourse knowledge to prevent pregnancy.
But, the other day, we started talking more long term. What will happen when we get the results we expect?
Assuming we don’t win a substantial prize in the next Lotto 649 (and our chances of winning are incredibly low as I never buy tickets and my husband almost never does), both Mr. MPB and I are coming to the conclusion that the horrible diagnosis and the financially and emotionally unattainable treatment options means we are done trying. (Remember that we are RPL people, not traditional infertility people who cannot get pregnant. This means we are really good at the conception part, but down right horrible at the staying pregnant part. So for us to stop trying, we have to do more then stop timing sex – we need some really good birth control).
So, last week we found ourselves discussing birth control options with each other, our counsellor and our family doctor. Yup, somehow everything seems a bit more real when we start having serious conversations about making sure we cannot create another child.
My husband talked about a vasectomy. I think it’s too soon for that procedure. Maybe in another year or two, but not just yet. While they are reversible, the reversing procedure doesn’t always go perfectly. I am pretty adamant that we cannot do this, at least not just yet.
So, my thinking is that I’ll go back to the Merina IUD. It worked well for me before, so it makes sense to me to go back on it. I don’t like estrogen based birth control pills and with my migraines they are not recommended for me anyways. So, the Merina IUD is probably my best option.
Logistically, I’m guessing we are at least a month or two away from actually going back onto birth control given that we want to wait until after our full results come back from Dr. Braverman later in November and we will need to take some time to rationally and emotionally deal with the finality of going back on birth control.
Thankful we know that my family doctor will prescribe and administer whatever we want, whenever we are ready. Our counsellor fully expects that this will be very hard on me, and has pledged her support to help me/us through it.
I know on some level my counsellor is right – going back on birth control will be incredibly hard for me emotionally. (After 5 miscarriages and more medical procedures, I am not in the least bit concerned about the physical pain of getting an IUD inserted again). I have a feeling that when I actually get the prescription from my doctor, fill the prescription at the pharmacy and have it put in, the process will be more about letting the dream go and grieving what will never be. I am sure there will be at least a tear or two that will fall.
Yet, at the same time as we grieve for our lost babies and our lost dreams, I hope that I can see that when one door closes, another one opens. I hope that when we officially wrap up this stage of our lives, we are enabled to fully embrace our new family future.
If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.