Birth Control

The topic of birth control has started to re-appear in our lives.

When we first discovered our local RE’s negligent approach to progesterone supplements, as we were already in the TWW so we started hoping we were not pregnant for the first time ever (and got lucky when our TWW did not result in a pregnancy). And then, once we decided to seek the expertise of Dr. Braverman, we made the decision to take all necessary measures to not get pregnant until we had his diagnosis and treatment plan.

It started as a simple discussion about if we are actively not trying, should we be using some sort of real contraception?  My answer, and our ultimate decision, was/is not yet. If there is a chance we may try again, I don’t want to go back onto some sort of chemical hormone. I’d rather keep my body free of unnecessary chemicals should we want to try again.

So, our current birth control approach is the most effective solution to preventing pregnancy – abstinence. Right now we just aren’t willing to take the risk – it feel too reckless to risk a pregnancy without implementing a proper treatment plan. So, for the last little while we have effectively been using all our timed intercourse knowledge to prevent pregnancy.

But, the other day, we started talking more long term. What will happen when we get the results we expect?

Assuming we don’t win a substantial prize in the next Lotto 649 (and our chances of winning are incredibly low as I never buy tickets and my husband almost never does), both Mr. MPB and I are coming to the conclusion that the horrible diagnosis and the financially and emotionally unattainable treatment options means we are done trying.  (Remember that we are RPL people, not traditional infertility people who cannot get pregnant.  This means we are really good at the conception part, but down right horrible at the staying pregnant part.  So for us to stop trying, we have to do more then stop timing sex – we need some really good birth control).

So, last week we found ourselves discussing birth control options with each other, our counsellor and our family doctor. Yup, somehow everything seems a bit more real when we start having serious conversations about making sure we cannot create another child.

My husband talked about a vasectomy. I think it’s too soon for that procedure. Maybe in another year or two, but not just yet. While they are reversible, the reversing procedure doesn’t always go perfectly. I am pretty adamant that we cannot do this, at least not just yet.

So, my thinking is that I’ll go back to the Merina IUD. It worked well for me before, so it makes sense to me to go back on it. I don’t like estrogen based birth control pills and with my migraines they are not recommended for me anyways. So, the Merina IUD is probably my best option.

Logistically, I’m guessing we are at least a month or two away from actually going back onto birth control given that we want to wait until after our full results come back from Dr. Braverman later in November and we will need to take some time to rationally and emotionally deal with the finality of going back on birth control.

Thankful we know that my family doctor will prescribe and administer whatever we want, whenever we are ready. Our counsellor fully expects that this will be very hard on me, and has pledged her support to help me/us through it.

I know on some level my counsellor is right – going back on birth control will be incredibly hard for me emotionally. (After 5 miscarriages and more medical procedures, I am not in the least bit concerned about the physical pain of getting an IUD inserted again). I have a feeling that when I actually get the prescription from my doctor, fill the prescription at the pharmacy and have it put in, the process will be more about letting the dream go and grieving what will never be.  I am sure there will be at least a tear or two that will fall.

Yet, at the same time as we grieve for our lost babies and our lost dreams, I hope that I can see that when one door closes, another one opens. I hope that when we officially wrap up this stage of our lives, we are enabled to fully embrace our new family future.

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24 Comments on “Birth Control

  1. I have tears in my eyes reading this. My heart just hurts for you, my dear friend. I have so much more to say but don’t know where to begin. I’ll leave you with a big, long, warm hug instead for now and keep on keeping you and Mr. MPB in my thoughts and heart.

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  2. My heart goes out to you! It does every day, but reading this and knowing the finality of it all…it just sucks. Hugs, Love, and lots of prayers as you go on to make all these hard decisions!

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  3. I have been having this conversation with myself recently as well. It kills me that I have to actively try to NOT get pregnant. I agree on not using pharmaceuticals. The last thing my body needs is hormones and chemicals. Right now I’m abstaining during ovulation which for me is definitely not effective. I’m not ready to take that next step to make a decision on how to actively prevent. I admire your bravery.

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    • I hate that you so completely understand what I am talking about. It is so cruel that we are both considering steps to completely end our ability to have children, when that is what we both so desperately want.
      Thinking of you, and wishing you the best as you too navigate these water.

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  4. I have so many tears right now too. Sending you the biggest hug ever hon. I’m praying that when that new door opens, it will bring with it a whole new set of possibilities that will lead you to the family you so greatly deserve.

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    • Thanks so much for your compassion and support right now. I am holding on to the hope that when we close this door, we will move forward with our next options. Thank you again.

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  5. Big hugs. That is such a huge decision to make and one we all hope to never be faced with. You are so strong for putting your safety and security first. I am still praying for a miracle for you – whether that is a natural lasting pregnancy or a big lottery win. 😉

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    • Oh, I could totally use some hope for the big lottery win! Then I could afford all of the options! Maybe I’ll be a ticket, as a ticket would really help me win. 🙂
      Seriously, thank you so much for your compassion as we navigate through all of this. I am so incredibly grateful.

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  6. Trying NOT to get pregnant, when all you want is a baby, is awful. When we started our infertility diagnostics, I was benched for 3-6 months (it ended up being 3) due to my thyroid. It just seems so cruel that women who can’t get, or stay, pregnant even need to think about this. I hate that you need to consider this, but as you said, you’re too good at getting pregnant to not do something about it.

    I’m glad you told the husband no on the vasectomy. Geesh!

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    • I forgot to say that I think it’s awfully nice of your husband to offer to be the one to take care of this. That was a very nice gesture on his part!

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    • You are right on so many levels. It is just an awful situation to be in. Thank you for understanding and sharing your experience – it just sucks.
      You are also right that it is pretty awesome of my husband (I may be biased, but I do think he’s pretty amazing), and maybe one day we will go down that route. But for now, it’s just too much to get a vasectomy. With time, who knows, but just not yet.

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  7. What a devastating decision to have to make. I personally didn’t tolerate the Mirena IUD very well, but if your body responded well with it I would totally suggest going with what you know. At least just until you two have a solid game plan. I hate that you even have to do this. It’s so SO unfair!

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    • I find with the Mirena IUD, people either love it or hate it. It worked so well for me that it seems to make sense to go back to it. That said, I have no idea what else is on the market now – it’s been well over 2 years since I’ve even thought about birth control options.
      Thank you so for your understanding, I really appreciate your support and compassion. Thank you.

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  8. I have tears in my eyes right now and all I want to do is give you a big hug! I am still holding out hope for you and praying for a miracle. God is a rich God and I am praying that His blessings will fall on you so that you can afford the options presented to you. I firmly hold on to Matthew 19:26 for you which says, “Jesus looked at them and said with men this is impossible but with God all things are possible.” It’s impossible possibly for you to come up with the money you need, but with God, all things are possible and He can make it happen for you. xo

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