At this point, it’s quite clear that 2019 is not my year. I keep telling myself that there are 11 more months, so there is plenty of time for it all to turn around. So maybe rather then making a whole year statement, I should probably just say, clearly January 2019 is not my month!!
Anyways, the stress of unknowns in our extended family is currently an ongoing stress.
But last week, we spent the entire week trying to return as much routine and structure as normal to Little MPB’s life. You know, getting his life back to normal, with both mommy and daddy at home. Of course, this also meant, Mr. MPB and I also had try to get our lives back to normal as well. I moved some work things around so I wouldn’t be away over-night, and we made a point to spend every evening as a family.
And we also made a point not to talk about the scary extended family stuff with Little MPB in earshot. As they do not live in the same city, the situation is not something Little MPB should be stressed about on a daily basis. He knows his family member is sick and the doctors are taking care of them, and for now, that’s it (when and if things change, we will explain the situation to him as is needed and is age appropriate).
Well, of course, by the end of last week, as much as we were trying to get back to ‘normal’, I got sick with a nasty hold cold. I literally fell asleep Thursday afternoon for 2 hours. Then, went to bed early. Slept until Little MPB got up Friday morning. Helped get him ready for daycare, then went right back to bed and slept most of the day away. I literally slept for 16.5 hours in a 24 hour time period! I didn’t even try to work, I just gave into my body’s need for sleep. I have to admit, it was the absolute best thing I could have done for myself. I woke up feeling like a whole new women!
And then, I made the decision to not turn on my computer for the entire weekend! Both Mr. MPB and I took the weekend to just be a family, at home, in our own comfortable space.
It was glorious.
And so, I truly hope this week will bring more happy and relaxed days to our little family.
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2018 ended with high stress in the MPB household – Sick toddler, Christmas crazy, unpleasant family visits, etc.
But, I kept telling myself we’d be okay because we were spending 10 days in Hawaii at the beginning of January. And honestly, what can go wrong in Hawaii? Just Little MPB, Mr. MPB and I. No computers. No work. No family drama. Just the three of us, enjoying the beach, the pool, the warm air and some quiet family time.
Honestly, the first few days, were glorious. Exactly what I needed. Exactly what our family needed. I’d love to launch into the glorious stories about family dinners watching the sunset; or lunches by the ocean; or the whale watching boat ride that resulted in an hour long snuggle from Little MPB when the boat rocked him to sleep on me; or my morning at an amazing spa. Or…or…or.
But, instead, I’ll share about how our family vacation came to a sudden halt due to a family medical emergency back in Canada.
Upon word of the situation, it became evident that Mr. MPB had to catch a flight back to Canada. And he needed to catch the very next flight. So, while he received medical updates from other family members, I got on the phone to get him on the very next flight. In between all of this, we decided Little MPB and I would finish the trip for a few reasons:
- First, this was Mr. MPB’s family emergency. His immediate family needed to be together and needed to potentially make some life and death decisions (literally). Even if we had been at home, I would not have been there. I would be his support from afar, but not in person.
- Second, a toddler in an ICU unit is not a good idea both for those who are sick but also for the toddler. It was best that Little MPB not be around. Clearly, if Little MPB wasn’t going to be there, neither was I.
- Third, the cost to change flights was very high (needless to say we were disappointed with our airline given the situation). Given the cost to change 1 flight, changing flights for 3 people was not a wise financial decision. And given points one and two, it really didn’t make sense to.
- Fourth, Little MPB and I were either going to return home (not the same city as Mr. MPB’s family emergency) or were going to stay in Hawaii. So, regardless of where we were, it was just going to be the two of us hanging out. Since we spent a lot of money on our trip, and it felt silly to waste the money spent. So, rather then spending even more money to go home early, we stayed to make the best of the situation.
(As the family emergency is not mine to share, what I will say, is that the family member is still alive, and in ICU. The situation is very much day-to-day. That said, there are reasons to hope that a decent recovery is possible, so we are all focusing on that hope).
Anyways, once Mr. MPB left, it donned on me that I was literally stuck on an island in the middle of the ocean caring for a toddler with no help. Yes, I realize I care for Little MPB daily, so this isn’t really a new thing. I also realize, we were in Hawaii, so not exactly the hardest place in the world to live. But, I can honestly say I have never felt more alone in my life then I did for those few days in Hawaii as the remainder of the trip was spent receiving updates from Mr. MPB, texting a few friends, and finding activities for Little MPB and I. We spent hours at the pool, played at a local playground, ate way too many rainbow coloured shave ice treats and checked out a few touristy places, like a tropical plantation with a little train ride and an aquarium.
But as much as I was keeping Little MPB busy, I also don’t think I slept a wink and I pretty much stopped eating, as I do when I get very stressed (but I did manage to keep Little MPB well fed, so don’t panic, he was good). And, the thought of flying internationally solo with a toddler, very nearly gave me a nervous breakdown (I am happy to report we managed the airport and got home safely).
Once Little MPB and I got home, we got home to an empty house. Mr. MPB could not come home. He spent another week away, which meant Little MPB and I continued to be on our own. (Thankfully Mr. MPB is back and we are now trying to create a normal routine to help Little MPB re-adjust to life, after 5 or 6 weeks of crazy).
Needless to say, what was a bad December has turned into a very stressful January. And, this years family vacation now feels like a complete bust.
Maybe February will be better? Or March? Or maybe living like crazy stressed out people is just our new norm?
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My Perfect Breakdown 