I love to write. I always seem to have something to say, and words generally comes easily for me.
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I write almost all the time.
I write on my blog.
I write comment on other people’s blog.
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I also write for work.
I write reports. I write a lot of reports.
I write letters, memo’s, meeting agendas, public communication notices, meeting minutes, emails and even sticky-notes.
And when I’m not writing for work, I’m in meeting about writing reports, letters, memo’s, etc. In fact, I have literally been in meeting about writing sticky notes.
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But, writing for work and writing for my blog are completely different styles of writing.
On my blog, I write whatever comes to my mind. Some days I talk about serious stuff like miscarriage and adoption. Other days I talk about our dog or our latest adventure. And other days I spill my heart out about something going on in our personal life, often at a level of detail that I don’t share with most people in my real life. There are no rules dictating how I have to write. I get to say what I want, how I want and when I want. I am the author of my story, and I seem to have a receptive audience.
At work, I’m very direct. I am completely emotionless. I am concise and to the point. I am structured. I am logical and clear. My audience is likely to be technical, but will also include the average person – it’s an interesting challenge as I have to be able to move seamlessly between my audiences and reach everyone. And yet at the same time, I do not write for magazines or newspapers and I know very few people will ever read my professional work.
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Now that I’m working again, I’m finding it an interesting to flip between styles. I started my blog within days of starting my medical leave from work at the start of our 4th loss, and then I didn’t go back. So, now to be constrained by my professional writing rules part of the time and then to embrace the freedom that comes with writing for my blog is very different. To move seamlessly between the two styles is proving to be a bit of a challenge.
And the point of this today? I have absolutely no idea, its just what I’m thinking about tonight. I’ve been working really long days lately and spending a lot of time at my computer writing. And so I guess, writing is just on my mind.
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So, thanks to all the wonderful comments last week (which I am still working on responding to – thank you all for your seemingly never-wavering wonderful support and love) about the upcoming baby entering our extended family and our decision not to visit. I’ve realized something:
All the drama, the guilt tripping, the upset emotions about letting people down, the anxiety about money, everything was pointless.
You see, this issue was solely with the Grandparents-to-be.
The parents-to-be, have not said a word to us. In fact, upon reflection, we realized that they haven’t even invited us to visit. They have not asked, they have not invited, rather they have said a word.
So, wouldn’t we be quite the unexpected and possibly unwanted guest if we were to invite ourselves and just show up?
(As an aside, let me state, I’m okay with the fact that they haven’t invited us. Whether they didn’t invite us to be mean, or they just haven’t thought about it, or maybe they realized the cost of adoption would make it nearly impossible for us, I really don’t know. And, honestly I really don’t care what the reasoning. The fact is, the parents-to-be, the ones who really matter in this, have not expressed a desire or expectation for us to travel to visit.)
So, really, we just let the grandparents-to-be spin up a giant swirl of anxiety over nothing. So should the topic come up again, rather then letting them be so mean to us about not visiting, we should point out that we haven’t even been invited.
Maybe, they need to spend their energy talking to the parents-to-be, about who the parents-to-be want to visit since they plan to visit at the hospital and expected the same of us.
Maybe this has absolutely nothing to do with us. And we just got side-swiped by the grandparents-to-be on the way to their real issue which is with their other child and not us.
There are a lot of unknowns here, and I know we will not figure it all out. Quite frankly, neither of us have the energy or desire to figure it out right now.
But what I do know, is that upon realizing that we haven’t been invited, all my guilt is gone. Really, it has evaporated and vanished from both my mind and my heart.
Simply we are not in the wrong by not visiting when we haven’t been invited. And honestly, we would have been wrong to essentially invite ourselves and just show up right away, even if it was at the demands of the grandparents-to-be. It is the right of the parents-to-be to invite whomever they want, I respect that. And, I do not hold any ill-will towards them making the choice that is best for their family, just as we are doing.
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My Perfect Breakdown 