The work day is almost done. Play time with my favourite little boy is about to start. I should be using these last minutes to catch up on my backlog of client emails, instead I’m sitting here listening with tears welling up in my eyes.
I can hear my son laughing and giggling from the other room as he plays with his Nanny. Normally, this brings so much joy to my heart.
Today, not so much.
In mere moments, we are letting our nanny know that we put Baby MPB on a daycare waitlist. And, a spot become available much sooner then we anticipated. We had 24 hours to claim the sport or it would be given to another family. We made our decision and Baby MPB is officially enrolled to begin daycare in about a month. Much, much, much earlier then we had anticipated.
I firmly believe we are making the right decision to put Baby MPB in daycare. I know in my heart, this is best for him. He will be exposed to other children his age and he will receive age appropriate education on a daily basis. As an only child I firmly believe he needs this type of social interaction. And, I will admit that moving from a private nanny to a daycare will make a substantial difference to our family’s income, a fact that we could not overlook as we continue to pay off the debt associated with his adoption.
I have many emotions surrounding this decision, mostly about me not being ready to let him go, but today my mind is caught up in the fact that this transition means we have to let our son’s nanny go. I have not-so-secretly been hoping that she would get a job and leave us so that we wouldn’t have to let her go. I like her, she’s a sweet girl with such a bright future. We are giving her as much notice as we possibly can, yet I still feel horrible letting her go.
With the exception of Mr. MPB and I, our son has spent more time with her in his life then with anyone else. She has played a huge role in his life thus far. She is literally his best friend and I know he’ll be sad not to spend his days playing with her. Heck, even our dog loves the nanny and will be sad when she no longer visits. And, it goes without say that Mr. MPB and I will miss her as well, she’s been such a critical part of our family for the last 8 months.
But more then anything I will miss having Baby MPB at home during the day. I will no longer be able to listen to him giggle and laugh as I work. I will no longer be able check in and get a Baby MPB hug and snuggle whenever I want. I will no longer know how he naps or how he eats, or how he is feeling at any point during the day. We will no longer have the ease of having his nanny come to our home daily. Our son will no longer receive one-on-one care.
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Today I want to again say thank you to each and everyone of you who supported us through our adoption journey and blessed us with a beautiful virtual baby shower. All the notes we received have been saved fo
r Baby MPB to read one day and all the gifts have been well used. I still get emotional about the fact that no-one in our real lives threw a baby shower for Baby MPB, yet they are thrown for every single family I know who has a child the traditional/normal way.
And, yet, you all gave us exactly what I dreamed of – a celebration of Baby MPB’s arrival. And what makes our shower extra special is the knowledge that Baby MPB is loved be hundreds of people throughout the world. This still brings tears to my eyes as I am so thankful for the support and love that everyone has shown our little family.
So, today I wanted to share how we are paying forward the kindness so many of you have shown us. Initially we decided that every single gift we were given would be passed on to someone who needed it. In fact, we decided everything we had for Baby MPB, given as a gift or purchased by us we would donate to charity or give to someone we know, with one exception. That exception was that any of the big ticket items that we bought used (i.e. halo bassinet, mamaroo, etc.) we would re-sell on craigslist and put the money directly into Baby MPB’s education fund. Actually two exceptions, we’ve kept a few special items like the outfit he left the hospital in and his first Christmas outfit.
But, we are now at the point where we don’t really have any of those big ticket baby items left to get rid of. So, we were simply donating to a local good-will store and we gave some to friends who had a baby a few months ago. These friends struggled to have their child and she quit her job in the process so we knew they could use some baby stuff to help out.
Then, as soon as we found out that Baby MPB would be a big brother, we came up with a new plan. We instantly started putting aside all his old things for his new sibling. And since we found out pretty early on, we’ve been collecting things for a while now. So, almost everything we received in gifts from many of you is going to Baby MPB’s little sibling. As long as the items are reasonably sized for shipping, we are sending everything to his sibling. We are sending everything you can think of – clothing, bottles, bibs, sleep-sacks, toys, and even a spare diaper bag. And, we will continue to share as Baby MPB continues to out-grow items.
As an aside, we did ask Baby MPB’s birthmother if she wanted us to do this, and she absolutely did. In fact, I’d say she was very excited about receiving Baby MPB’s stuff. And, so we feel paying the cost of shipping items is the least we can do for someone we love.
And so, thank you to everyone who helped enable us to be able to send these things to help another mother and her new baby. Hopefully in addition to receiving the actual items, she too will know she is loved and supported.
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But I have to admit 2 things. First, as I sat down to actually package the items the other day I really did feel sadness that Baby MPB is growing up so quickly! As I folded the clothing I could still remember him wearing nearly each and every item. It was amazing to go through his old things and see how much he’s changed! I make a point to celebrate each milestone and each achievement, but I cannot deny sometimes there is sadness in realizing he is growing up. And then there is another dynamic to the sadness as I realize we will never probably never again get to experience these baby moments as we are trying to embrace our family of three.
Secondly, I have to admit, I’m excited to see photos of the new baby wearing Baby MPB’s clothing and using his toys. I think it’s going to be great to see the two siblings sharing stuff!! I know they wont have a traditional sibling relationship, so for some reason the thought of them sharing stuff makes me smile.
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