I realize that I’m lacking focus at the moment. In fact, I think I’ve been lacking focus for most of the month of August
If I’m honest, I know I have been functioning in a different space since our dog died at the start of the month.
I know I’m not the first person to experience the loss of a beloved pet. I get totally get that. Yet, this is my first real experience loosing my dog, my best friend who was at my side through all our losses.
I find our house eerily quiet. I miss the excuse to go for family walks. I miss my morning ritual of trying not to step on her in the darkness as I step our of bed. I miss complaining about the black furballs everywhere. I miss her nudging my hand to ask for more pets. I miss attempting to take her for a run, because she was such a horrible runner (which then makes me realize how cruel those runs actually were given the size of her heart). I miss how she would come snuggle with me as soon as Little MPB went to bed. I miss how Little MPB has stopped searching for his Puu-py. I miss going camping with her. Really, I just miss her.
And when I take a moment and really think about things, I really don’t think I’ve been the same since she died.
I’ve been sluggish at work, which now means I’m behind.
I’ve been grouchy, just for the sake of being grouchy.
I’m sick again (surprise, surprise).
In a way, it feels like everything in the last month has been just a little bit less happy and a little bit more cloudy. Even our beautiful weekend in the mountains wasn’t the same as it was our first trip to our favourite place without our dog.
Truthfully, I feel like August needs to end so that I can start fresh in September. I need more happy to return to my life.
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