Lacking Focus

I realize that I’m lacking focus at the moment.  In fact, I think I’ve been lacking focus for most of the month of August

If I’m honest, I know I have been functioning in a different space since our dog died at the start of the month.

I know I’m not the first person to experience the loss of a beloved pet.  I get totally get that.  Yet, this is my first real experience loosing my dog, my best friend who was at my side through all our losses.

I find our house eerily quiet.  I miss the excuse to go for family walks.  I miss my morning ritual of trying not to step on her in the darkness as I step our of bed. I miss complaining about the black furballs everywhere.  I miss her nudging my hand to ask for more pets.  I miss attempting to take her for a run, because she was such a horrible runner (which then makes me realize how cruel those runs actually were given the size of her heart).  I miss how she would come snuggle with me as soon as Little MPB went to bed.  I miss how Little MPB has stopped searching for his Puu-py.  I miss going camping with her. Really, I just miss her.

And when I take a moment and really think about things, I really don’t think I’ve been the same since she died.

I’ve been sluggish at work, which now means I’m behind. 

I’ve been grouchy, just for the sake of being grouchy. 

I’m sick again (surprise, surprise).  

In a way, it feels like everything in the last month has been just a little bit less happy and a little bit more cloudy.  Even our beautiful weekend in the mountains wasn’t the same as it was our first trip to our favourite place without our dog.

Truthfully, I feel like August needs to end so that I can start fresh in September.  I need more happy to return to my life.

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15 Comments on “Lacking Focus

  1. I totally get this as I lost my first dog like this as well back in February I believe I told you this before. It’s hard, it was the hardest thing I have gone through. I understand that quiet house and everything. Time will help and you will certainly never forget.

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  2. Hugs to you. It will get better. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it will. One day you will find that you are laughing and smiling for most of the day and it will click that you are ready to move forward.

    Interestingly enough, right after I read your post, I read another blog that I follow and I found that it relates well: https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/36264307/posts/1577384857
    Hopefully you can access it through that link. 🙂

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  3. Sending you love. ❤️

    We put our cat to sleep almost two weeks ago, and tonight, Brian hollered at the kids, “shut the door so you don’t let the cats out.” He paused, looked at me, teared up, and said, “cat. I mean CAT.” It’s so hard to get used to not having them with us.

    It’s going to take time. She was by your side through so much… It’s hard losing your most trusted companion. 😢

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  4. Our bulldog, Tank was with us through our losses too. In a way, I remember feeling like a piece of their memory had died too. Not only did I lose my best friend, but also another piece of them. I’m so, so sorry. It’s been 4 years and I still miss him.

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  5. I’m sure it will take a very long time to get used to your new normal of not having her there. Sending you hugs. Z

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  6. Oh, friend. I am a kindred spirit in this. I’m not looking forward to the day when I have to say goodbye to my sweet Jerzee. I have had panic attacks about this! And I think this grief is just as normal as any other grief. You did lose a part of your family, your routine, your habits. Hugs, my dear friend.

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  7. Awww, I am SO sorry about your dog!!! I love my dog to pieces and he, similarly, has been there through all the trauma and loss. I can only imagine what you are feeling with your grief. I just wanted to express my sadness for you and my support. Big hugs. I will be thinking about you, even if I disappear on here for a while again!

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