Random Thoughts

My mind is busy this morning – thoughts about food, our Iceland trip, a giant tree, a new book and music.  So, I’ve decided it’s a list kind of day:

  • Thank you for all the support and love I’ve received over the last few weeks.  I wont lie, it’s been tough not being able to eat much.  (As I haven’t known my weight since I was 13 years old, I don’t know exactly how much weight I’ve lost in the last few weeks.  But, I do know that I can literally step out of my pants/shorts without undoing buttons or zippers.  Needless to say it’s been rather drastic).  Anyways, I just have to say I am so incredibly thankful for all the suggestions, and compassion I’ve received from everyone.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
  • I ate a bowl of cheerios (no milk) and I wasn’t sick!!  Which means at the moment I can now eat cheerios and baby puffs.
  • I miss writing.  I hope I can get the energy back to write more regularly.  Hopefully the cheerio/puff combination continues to work so I have a bit more energy!
  • I’ve started reading a book – When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor Mate MD.  As I’m still incredibly tired from not eating much, I feel like I’m re-reading a lot of it in order to actually absorb anything.  I’m only a few chapters in, but this book is definitely outside of my comfort zone.  I am already questioning how much of medical illnesses can be the result of learned behaviours in childhood.  That said, I do think there are connections between our mind and our body.  So, I’m willing to keep reading and to continue to push myself outside of my comfort zone to try to learn more and challenge my standard ways of thinking.
  • I am determined to sort through photos of from our Iceland trip and start sharing more of the fun stuff we did!  I’m so disappointed that I’ve been too sick to even look at the photos from our trip, so I’m determined to start sorting through the thousands of photos and share some of them here.  It was such an amazing vacation – we hiked mountains, saw epic waterfalls, looked at stunning icebergs in real life, and ate some pretty weird/amazing food!!
  • We have decided to take a very old and large tree down on our property.  It was likely a beautiful tree in it’s day, but it’s well past it’s prime and we’ve decided it needs to come down before it falls down during a storm.  This didn’t concern me much before Little MPB, but his bedroom is in a location that could potentially be hit by the tree if it were to come crashing down.  So, the tree is coming down in a safe manner.  Honestly, this paranoid mother doesn’t need to worry about a tree falling through the roof and injuring/killing her child.  (This is one of the things that prior to Little MPB I never ever thought I could possibly worry about).
  • I booked an appointment with a naturopath that comes highly recommend from a colleague.  The appointment isn’t for another week or so, but I figure I’ve been waiting for so long for traditional doctors that what’s another week for this appointment?  I read the massive questionnaire that I have to fill out before the appointment and I’m already slightly annoyed at the 2 pages of fertility based questions I have to answer.  Ya, dreading re-hashing all that.  I know this is also out of my comfort zone, so I’m just determined to keep an open mind and give it a fair shot.  Also, the first appointment is going to cost me $250 as our medical insurance does not cover naturopathic medicine, so I’d better keep an open mind!
  • Happy 4th of July to all my American Friends!  Unlike last year when we had to make Little MPB a patriotic onesie (which turned out to be super adorable in my opinion), this year we are much more organized and purchased the cutest little outfit for Little MPB a few months ago.
  • I think many people in the infertility community know about Ed Sheeran’s song Small bump.  It’s truly a great song.

  • But, I have to admit Ed Sheeran’s song Supermarket Flowers, brings tears to my eyes every single time I hear it. You were an angel in the shape of my mum  That line, every single time, I’m in tears.  Have I mentioned lately that I miss my mom?  I’d give anything for another moment with my mom and my sister.  Some times it amazes me that it’s been over 20 years since I last saw/hug/talked with either of them.  How is that even possible?  It’s true what Ed says in the song – a heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved.

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7 Comments on “Random Thoughts

  1. I have never heard that Ed Sheeran song before and holy crap…cue the tears when I heard the last line of the song. I’ve never experienced infertility or lost a child, but I have very close friends who have and that last line resonated deep, deep in my heart. What a beautiful song and tribute to all of the unborn angels out there. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. All those questions from the naturopath are so important. One thing alopathic medicine often denies is the interconnectedness of various symptoms/diseases/problems. Your infertility pieces of the puzzle might help guide them to a better understanding of the whole. Also, lots of GI problems cause or are part of the cause of infertility. All the things you are dealing with now might have been brewing for a while. Expect to let some emotions out while you have your consult. My first with a ND was two hours.

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  3. I definitely think reaching out for other answers is important and hope your appt goes well. I know it’s fun to answer all those fertility questions. I can’t wait to see your Iceland pictures! And I so hope you start feeling better!

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  4. Ah yes, I know that ed sherran song well. One of the reasons he’s my favorite. I should do a whole list of songs I’ve collected about infertility and pregnancy lost.
    Glad you are doing better!

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  5. Those are some beautiful songs, he so talented and my favourite artist! I’m pleased you are taking slow steps towards improving, I know what it’s like to lose a lot of weight quickly from having my teeth out for my braces in December. Its not a nice feeling not being able to eat so i really hope you are able to eat again soon.

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  6. I have heard the song Small Bump. Its hard just thinking about that song without tearing up.

    Glad you’re able to keep some food down! Hopefully you’ll have some solid answers soon.

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  7. Honestly, I am a fan of naturopathic treatment. For me, its Ayurveda that I go to for “normal” ailments, bu the problem I find with naturopathy is that quacks abound..

    anyway , I hope this really helps.. and you get some relief.. Little MPB cannot survive on puffs and cheerios for the whole day, weeks on end, and his caloric needs are much lower than yours! That is simply an impossible way to live..and live normally!

    Be prepared to rehash your infertility history, but be clinical about it. Take care.. sending you lots of love..

    Liked by 1 person

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