I’ve realized that today is December 1st.
It marks the start of another Christmas season.
Another year coming to an end. And another year starting.
A mixture of ending and new beginnings. And, a time for reflections on what was, what is and what could be.
I want to look forward to Christmas this year. I want to be excited for the season. I want to embrace the enjoyment and the fun.
And instead, I right now, I’m focusing on just getting through it. The stuff with my Dad has put me in a bad mood about Christmas and I’ve been unable to shake my negative attitude, in fact I’d say it just keeps getting worse as they continue to suggest that we can lock our dog in their garage since she’s not welcome at their house (ummm…no). And now Mr. MPB’s family is on us to travel at Christmas too. In fact, they have demanded that in order to meet our new niece we travel across the country and put our dog in some kennel that they found online that still has last minute spaces (again, no). (Note that we haven’t even been invited by the sibling who is the parent and who is hosting Christmas dinner, likely because they know we cannot afford it and we don’t travel at Christmas).
Anyways, I just hate the insane family pressure of Christmas, after all these years, I’ve realized the pressure pushes me further away as I try to remove myself from the anxiety that comes from it. And so right now, instead of getting into the festive season I kinda want to just stick my head in the sand and hind from it all.
We are seriously talking about not putting up a Christmas tree, or any decorations for that matter. It’s not that I want to be a Christmas Scrooge, it’s that we are both working so hard and doing so many things right now that I truly feel like we don’t have time and we wont enjoy it. Our minds are fully focused on trying to keep working as much as possible to pay for some more of our adoption costs. And in our spare time we are fully dedicated to repairing our bathroom, which has turned into a much bigger job then expected.
Honestly, I feel like trying to decorate for Christmas will just take up time and energy that I don’t have to spare. So, right now it just seems easier to skip the rush.
Maybe I’ll get more into the season as we get closer to Christmas. But, if I don’t, I’m okay with that too. I just want to be real with my emotions and not force anything right now.
I/we still have about 23 days left to decide what to do. So, for now I’m going to just continue as is and see how I feel in a few more days/weeks.
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There was no Sunday Fun Day post this weekend.
I didn’t even sign into WordPress, except on my phone.
Why?
No reason really. I was just busy with life. No time for a break to write or to even read much.
Mr. MPB turned another year older. After my epic wife fail, I finally found him a birthday gift without a second to spare.- I spent an afternoon Christmas shopping with a friend. I’m now done my Christmas shopping and wrapping!
- My parents visited and among other frustrations/annoyances, they forgot Mr. MPB’s birthday (not a huge surprise as they forgot my birthday last year).
- We went to the orchestra because we bought tickets well before we realized how insane this weekend would be. And ate left over cold pizza in the car because we ran out of time and walked in 10 seconds before the performance started.
- I hate folding laundry, this is a well known fact. In fact, I hate it so much that I haven’t even been willing to fold copious amounts of baby stuff that I’ve washed over the last few months. So a friend who stopped by for a visit helped me fold everything when she noticed the crib full of unfolded stuff. And then she bought our future baby some cute things while we were shoppng. I cried. (Once she left of course).
We worked on our bathroom reno (well Mr. MPB and a friend worked on the bathroom reno and I sort of supported). Of course, like all projects it has turned into a tonne more work then we expected, and the fact that the floor is missing was not part of the plan, but rather the result of necessity. But since we stopped using it almost 2 years ago due to a possible water leak, we needed to get on with it and so now we are in to the fix and so excited to be done.- Filling in adoption paperwork. Seriously, will it ever end?
- I worked for a few hours. Because sometimes I just have to do what I have to do to meet deadlines.
- Mr. MPB made his own delicious birthday breakfast for us to enjoy. Although tradition is that he makes his own birthday meal (he loves to cook), I made his birthday dinner this year as he spent the day working on the reno. I made ribs. I completely forgot about them and somehow they turned out amazingly! Mr. MPB told me to write down the recipe, but the recipe is essentially do everything possible wrong and enjoy.
- My parents visited and among other frustrations/annoyances, they forgot Mr. MPB’s birthday (not a huge surprise as they forgot my birthday last year).
- We are now sleeping in our basement since the bathroom reno has taken over our house. I miss my bed.
- We ate birthday cake. It was not made by me, but made by an amazing bakery so it was delicious! And we have left overs for tomorrow and probably Wednesday too.
- And sex, that happened somewhere in there too (okay, that was probably way too much information).
And so, this weekend was a weird combination of enjoyable, exhausting, stressful and fun! I think I need another weekend to recover!
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My Perfect Breakdown 