Christmas Is Right Around The Corner
I’ve realized that today is December 1st.
It marks the start of another Christmas season.
Another year coming to an end. And another year starting.
A mixture of ending and new beginnings. And, a time for reflections on what was, what is and what could be.
I want to look forward to Christmas this year. I want to be excited for the season. I want to embrace the enjoyment and the fun.
And instead, I right now, I’m focusing on just getting through it. The stuff with my Dad has put me in a bad mood about Christmas and I’ve been unable to shake my negative attitude, in fact I’d say it just keeps getting worse as they continue to suggest that we can lock our dog in their garage since she’s not welcome at their house (ummm…no). And now Mr. MPB’s family is on us to travel at Christmas too. In fact, they have demanded that in order to meet our new niece we travel across the country and put our dog in some kennel that they found online that still has last minute spaces (again, no). (Note that we haven’t even been invited by the sibling who is the parent and who is hosting Christmas dinner, likely because they know we cannot afford it and we don’t travel at Christmas).
Anyways, I just hate the insane family pressure of Christmas, after all these years, I’ve realized the pressure pushes me further away as I try to remove myself from the anxiety that comes from it. And so right now, instead of getting into the festive season I kinda want to just stick my head in the sand and hind from it all.
We are seriously talking about not putting up a Christmas tree, or any decorations for that matter. It’s not that I want to be a Christmas Scrooge, it’s that we are both working so hard and doing so many things right now that I truly feel like we don’t have time and we wont enjoy it. Our minds are fully focused on trying to keep working as much as possible to pay for some more of our adoption costs. And in our spare time we are fully dedicated to repairing our bathroom, which has turned into a much bigger job then expected.
Honestly, I feel like trying to decorate for Christmas will just take up time and energy that I don’t have to spare. So, right now it just seems easier to skip the rush.
Maybe I’ll get more into the season as we get closer to Christmas. But, if I don’t, I’m okay with that too. I just want to be real with my emotions and not force anything right now.
I/we still have about 23 days left to decide what to do. So, for now I’m going to just continue as is and see how I feel in a few more days/weeks.
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