Happy Birthday To Me??

I recently turned 32 years old. To many 32 might sound young, to me I feel like my 30s have aged me well beyond that of an average 32 year old.

We made the most of the day and enjoyed each others company. In fact, there were many awesome and delightful things about my birthday this year:

  • My 5 year old nephew called and sang me happy birthday. It was precious and adorable! Every time he says Auntie MPB, I just fall more and more in love with that kid.
  • I always enjoy a subtle birthday celebration – I am not one to make a big scene or want a big party. In fact, I would cringe at the idea of a big fuss being made over me. So, Mr. MPB and I spent the day together doing whatever I wanted. And of course, Mr. MPB made me an epic birthday dinner. I asked for one of everything from the ocean and he did just that. Clams, oysters, dungeness crab, caviar, and shrimp all cooked to perfection and devoured by both of us with pure happiness.
  • I got full control of the television for the evening! This virtually never happens, and it meant that we finished watching Happy Endings on Netflix and we stated a Harry Potter movie marathon.
  • For the first time in 3 years, my birthday was not marked by the loss of another baby. While in many ways this sounds sad, it also very much worth celebrating in my life. My 30th birthday was marked by the loss of our 2nd I spent my birthday recovering from surgery and trying to find my way through another miscarriage. Just days after my 31st birthday we found out our 4th baby had also died. This was the only baby that ever had a healthy heart rate, so the loss was as unexpected as it could be for someone who had lost 3 babies previously. Leading up to my birthday this year, the fact that we would not be losing another baby is probably what made me the happiest.

But, as great as the day ways, there was a few frustrating things that happened as well:

  • First, every single person I talked to commented on how much older I am getting, as if 32 is the new 62. I know 32 is older than 31, I can count. But, to have every single person who talked to me point out just how old I am kind of sucked. I know no-one meant anything mean by it, but given my feelings surrounding turning older this year, I just really didn’t need to hear about it all day long.  I have a new rule about birthdays, if a person is capable of counting, I will not remind them just how old they are.
  • To make sure I enjoyed my actual birthday I made a point not to focus on this one, but alas it still remained in the back of my mind. I am now 32 and feel so far from achieving our family dreams. I’ve had miscarriages in each of the last 3 years, so 29, 30 and 31 were all marked by loss. 32 should be better, but yet today I feel no closer to the dream. I suspect I will be at least 33 before we have our baby, maybe even 34. And I hate the thought of another year without a child. In my naïve baby making mind, I always thought we’d have baby number 1 when I was 29 and baby number two when I was 31. I always thought we’d have our family completed by the time I turned 32, and clearly that is not going to happen. I know I cannot change this and therefore I should not stress about it. But the reality that 32 is marking the passing of my imaginary timeline, just kind of sucks.
  • My parents completely forgot my birthday! Or at least they didn’t call or even text to acknowledge it and wish me a happy birthday. They both did text the following day – one ignored the reality of the missed date, the other claimed they were too busy to send a text the day before (because evidently writing a 10 word long text is too time consuming). I consider this an epic parenting fail. Honestly, my mom has a really good excuse for not calling – she’s dead.  My Dad and my step-mom not so much, as they are both living, and pretty darn capable of being able to read a calendar and use a phone to call or text.  It’s actually the second time in my life they have managed to forget my birthday, the first was many years ago when we actually spent the evening with them for what I mistakenly thought was an birthday evening out. I can almost understand how they could forget or be too busy, they have 4 children so it must be pretty hard to remember four birthdays.  For me, realizing they forgot was probably the worst part of the day. I’m just frustrated that in the last few months I have drastically lowered my expectations of them, and yet they find a way to still disappoint. Seriously, my expectations are so low that I thought they would have no choice but to impress me. Honestly, I thought a rule of being a parent is to wish your kid a happy birthday for every year the both of you are alive, because the day your child is born is a day worth celebrating!!

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78 Comments on “Happy Birthday To Me??

  1. My mouth is watering just looking at your seafood pictures. My goodness, I need to borrow that man of yours to cook for me! I’m glad you had a great day, though I’m sorry that your dad and stepmom disappointed you once again. I know that it still hurts even when you’ve convinced yourself to expect less from them. Hugs and love to you my friend. 32 is a fabulous age!

    Like

    • He is a pretty spectacular cook! I am definitely grateful that he is always willing to go the extra mile to make my birthday special.
      And thank you for your birthday wishes. Same to you my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Very happy birthday to you. Thirty-two years is quite good age. Some people are at the helm of their country at about this age. Hence, looking more than your age at this age is an advantage to me.

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  3. I totally feel you on the birthday front. It’s hard when you know you are passing further away from an expected timeline and still not directly closer to what you wanted. Just know you aren’t alone in feeling that way.

    On the plus side, your dinner looks absolutely divine!

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    • You are right, it seems like birthdays for all of us in the IF / RPL world have become more of a reminder of what has not happened yet in life.
      The dinner was divine! I am very fortunate that Mr. MPB made the effort to create such a wonderful birthday dinner and happy memories. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so sorry your dad and his wife forgot. I agree. There are no excuses for that. I can completely relate to feeling like you are off course from your intended timeline. I had someone ask me the other day if I have lots of friends who are also pregnant now. I told her I didn’t. I have a few but it’s mainly my younger siblings and their friends who are starting their families now. If any of my friends are pregnant, it’s more likely to be baby #2-3. I accept this by reminding myself that whenever our child arrives it will be perfect timing for us.

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    • I love your focus on accepting having your child later then you planned – it is great that you are able to focus on the fact that whenever your child arrives it will be perfect timing for you.

      Like

  5. Happy Birthday!! Our parents went to the same school of parenting – both of mine forgot my birthday two years ago and I was so upset. The only person that got a card to me on time that year was my mother-in-law, bless her. I actually cried! Sigh. Anyway, I’m glad this birthday is a happier occasion than they have been in recent years. I know they make you conscious of time passing, but if you want an alternative perspective, 32 sounds SO young and wonderful to me!! xxx

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    • Thank you for the birthday wishes and for sharing! And for reminding me that 32 really isn’t that old!
      I’m amazed reading the comments how many people’s parents have forgotten their child’s birthday! I’m sorry you understand this, it’s just so frustrating.

      Like

  6. My sister booked an apt to try on wedding dresses on my birthday and I’m expected to go. Wedding in in 17 months and no mention of my upcoming birthday. I’m usually the forgotten child anyways so I feel your pain. I am over the moon that Harry Potter is on Netflix! Please tell me you’re watching Canadian Netflux

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    • Ouch! I’d totally skip the wedding dress shopping, and just tell her that you are celebrating your birthday with your husband.
      Oh, and sorry, we watched Harry Potter on DVD – and I discovered that I am missing the 6th one! 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Happy Birthday for yesterday! And an extra hug for your parents missing your birthday. My father-in-law sometimes misses my husband’s birthday and I can tell that it hurts him. I hope the seafood made up for it somewhat :). xx

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    • Thank you for the warm birthday wishes! I’m sorry you husband knows what it’s like. There really should be a parenting 101 course!
      The seafood was awesome! I’m so lucky that Mr. MPB worked so hard to make my birthday special. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Happy birthday, my friend! You’re getting so much YOUNGER! (Haha, my lame attempt to balance out those dumb people who say you’re getting older). You dinner looks delectable. If I’m ever in your part of the world, I’m inviting myself over for dinner — mark my words. 🙂 Your parents piss me off. Too busy for a text? STFU. Mostly, I am so, so glad that you’re not marking another birthday by loss. Xo.

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    • Thank you for the wonderful birthday wishes. I love your attempt to balance out the dumb people! But, to be fair, I suspect my mental state of feeling so old played into their comments and I took them much harsher then they intended.
      You have an open invitation to dinner if you are ever in this part of the world! I’ll even volunteer Mr. MPB to cook, so we know it will be a good meal. 🙂

      Like

  9. Happy birthday lady! I had a hard time hitting 30 last year. I thought I would have had my family completed by that time and instead I was just 6 weeks pregnant. It’s hard when you have expectations for yourself but because of reasons beyond your control life doesn’t go as planned. I wish I could change things for you! I will continue to hope your adoption process goes smoothly and you’ll be holding a sweet baby soon!

    Sometimes family sucks. They should have not forgotten your birthday. My dad did that one year a few years back and I bawled. I couldn’t believe every year he’s called me and that he didn’t call or text. He did call the following day and apologize but it still was a hard pill to swallow.

    Your food looks amazing! I haven’t had seafood in forever and I miss it!

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    • Thank you so much for your birthday wishes and your hope that our adoption process goes smoothly and quickly!
      Also, thank you for sharing your understanding. I’m sorry you Dad also forgot your birthday one year, but I am happy he at least acknowledged and apologized. It doesn’t fix it, but at least he owned up to it. I’m a big believer in taking responsibility for ones actions, so I appreciate that he at least did that.

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  10. First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I like to think of birthdays as our own mini national holidays- we can do whatever we want, as long as no one losses an eye.

    Second, the best part of being solidly in your 30’s is that you don’t have to give two bits what other people think about you or your life. I found that my 20’s were fraught with trying to please other people. My 30’s have been all about doing what makes me happy, and telling everyone else to shove it. So to those “32 is the new 62” folks… Shove it.

    Lastly, your parents are lame, but then again I think you know this. It’s okay to be hurt by them basically forgetting your birthday, just remember this is a reflection of them not on your own worthiness. Also, see previous paragraph about telling people to shove it.

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    • Thank you so much for your wonderful birthday wishes and your very accurate perspective of how to celebrate and how to focus on being happy not on what other people think!!
      And you are just so right, my parents are clearly lame! I like your choice of words. 🙂
      Thank you again friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Ugghh birthdays during IF/ RPL and basically in the wait for a baby are just a test of perseverance, distraction and survival. The fact that you got some positives in there is great. Sorry about your parents forgetting- another example of why you need to distance yourself emotionally. Xoxo

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    • You are so right, at this point, a birthday is a reminder of what we don’t have and what we want so badly. As you said, they are just a test of perseverance!!
      You are also right about the distance that is clearly needed between my parents and my heart. Clearly, this was just another reminder.

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  12. Happy birthday to you friend! I love the pictures of the food! Must have be one great birthday meal. It sucks that your parents forgot. 😦

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  13. WOW, that food looks luscious! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! I can’t believe your parents forgot. That’s just mind boggling. Doesn’t make any sense to me, but then again, my parents tend to do the same thing… Makes me shake my head, a lot. I’m hoping that 32 is the best yet and brings lots of pleasant surprises 🙂 OX HUGS

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    • Thank you for the happy birthday wishes. 🙂
      The food was amazing! I adore seafood, so when Mr. MPB asked what I wanted for my birthday dinner I simply said one of everything from the ocean. I think he did a pretty good job of making that happen and he did an awesome job of making it a special birthday. I am so fortunate to have him in my life. 🙂

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  14. Happy Birthday!
    And are there any leftovers? 😉

    I’m so sorry your parents forgot. It genuinely hurts when they do.

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    • There is no way we would have paid someone to make that meal – we’d be broke! If there is one thing we’ve learned about high quality seafood, it is much more affordable to cook it at home then to pay someone else to. 🙂
      I am so fortunate that Mr. MPB is such a wonderful cook!

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  15. First, Happy Birthday. I turned 32 a few months ago (ok six months ago which means im half way to 33, but lets not focus on that) and it felt a lot different. Like all of a sudden my clock started ticking MUCH faster. I actually get upset when people try to tell me how “young” I am, when in the world of infertility 32 seems just way to close to the magic age of 35. And I feel you on the parents forgetting. On my 31st birthday my mom sent me a text message…a day late. This year she forgot my brother’s birthday all together. She always has some kind of excuse that she is just so busy and both of us get so pissed about it. And I have explained to her multiple times that since she actually birthed me, a text message is not an appropriate way to send birthday wishes. And she still doesn’t get it. I often feel I am the adult in my relationship with my parents and it is so frustrating.
    on another note, if that is how you celebrate your birthday (with the delish food above) I think I will come help you celebrate 33. xoxo.

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    • Thank you so much for your birthday wishes – you are absolutely welcome to join in for the 33rd birthday celebration! 🙂
      I’ve decided that evidently many parents need to be told about the importance of acknowledging your child’s birthday on their birthday! I’m sorry you mom has done this to you too!
      Also, I adore your comment that “in the world of infertility 32 seems just way to close to the magic age of 35” – that’s such a huge part of why I hate turning older right now – we are going to be the “old” parents that I never wanted to be.

      Like

  16. Happy happy birthday! That dinner looks lovely! I’m so sorry your dad forgot. That’s terrible. No excuse. Have you reached the point yet when someone asks you your age and you have to think about it for a minute? Someone asked me in the waiting room at my doctor’s office the other day and I almost said I was 34–but I’m 33!

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    • Thank you so much Molly! Yes, that dinner was pretty awesome!
      And yes, it is funny when I have to think about how old I am now! I’m glad I’m not the only one who does this every now and again. 🙂

      Like

  17. A very happy birthday to you, friend! So awesome to have a low key night with your hubby. I know Callie and I always do something with friends and then just the two of us. A great way to celebrate, and especially when there is seafood involved! It’s truly the pits that your parents forgot your BD. There was a time when my mother and I had stopped speaking (about 2 years time) and in those two years she refused to call me for ANYTHING! Birthday, promotions, family gatherings,anything! And even though I expected it, it still hurt like hell. Those kind of things, we forgive, but we never forget. And we never repeat them. You’ll break that cycle, I know you will. Again, happy birthday friend! 30’s are the awesomest!

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    • Thank you so much for your birthday wishes and for sharing your shared understanding about the pain of parents not acknowledging a child’s birthday.
      Here’s to the awesomeness of the the 30’s!

      Like

  18. Happy belated birthday! ❤ I'm glad you had some good things happen and spent some nice time with your husband. I'm sorry for the bad things, especially your parents forgetting your birthday. 😦 I wish you a year full of fun, love, and all the things you like best!

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  19. Oh sweetie…Happy Belated Birthday!! I’m so sorry some key people forgot. I remember the year my father forgot mine. I waited all day. Nothing. Then I called at nearly 10 p.m. to be told he was Just going to call me.

    Made me sad.

    But others remembered.

    And I’m sure.
    Wherever your littles are.
    They celebrated their mama.

    With heart & birthday blessings,
    Dani

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  20. First, happy birthday. Second, I feel like this was the story of my life this weekend as I turned 32 yesterday. Maybe not exactly a mirror image, but the basic premise is the same. I am so angry and annoyed about being 32 and childless. WTF, life??? Seriously.
    I am sorry your parents forgot. That would make me upset too. Having to remember four birthdays is no excuse. It IS an epic fail on their part.

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    • Happy belated birthday to you as well!!
      While I’m not surprised to hear it, I’m sorry you too had a hard time grappling with all the emotions of turning another year older without children.
      Here’s to hoping all our dreams come true this year! I think we are both due for something epically awesome to happen!

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  21. Happy birthday! I recently turned 32 as well. Add one more commonality to the list! I am glad your husband spoiled you. When my family has disappointed me in the past, my husband reminds me we are a family and it actually does make me feel better. My parents have 5 kids so I also understand the forgetfulness that can happen. Cheers to 32, sweet girl!

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  22. Happy Birthday Friend! Your dinner looks DELICIOUS!! Birthdays are so hard on this journey, because they are a physical reminder that we have passed another year without achieving our goals. I usually love celebrating my Birthday, but this year we just had a low key dinner and I tried not to think about babies. Cheers to this year and it bringing us our dreams!

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  23. Aw, happy birthday, from another recent 32-year-old! I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with so many losses on your previous birthdays — this long, drawn-out time before your very wanted baby arrives is maddening, and the march of months that blend into years is just awful. But your birthday celebration sounds lovely, and here’s hoping that your baby arrives soon!

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  24. Ummm yummy central! Damn I’m jealous of that feast. I’m a fan of very low key birthdays as well and prefer to spend them with just my sweetie too. Sorry people were being dumb and calling you old all day. If it help my family forgot my birthday this year too and everyone texted me instead of calling, I guess I should expect that as I get older but it still stings sometimes. I don’t think any of us in this community feel like we are where we would have thought we would be at any age, it’s just so frustrating. Happy belated birthday! XO

    Like

    • I am sorry your family forgot your birthday this year too! And, you are right, I suspect most people in the IF world do not love their birthdays! Somehow birthdays are more of a reminder of what we do not have.
      Also, I thinking texting birthday wishes should be outlawed, it’s someones birthday I think they deserve more then a 20 second birthday wish!

      Liked by 1 person

  25. I’m glad that most of your day was fabulous! The food always looks so absolutely amazing, it always makes me wish I lived close to you lol!! I’m sorry you had some disappointments too though. While I was reading this it made me think of my aunt…when I was 17, my aunt was 30 and told us she was pregnant. I remember thinking (and saying to my mom too) that she was old for having a baby, and that I would never want to have a baby at that age. Well, here I am, almost 37, and still no babies. We’re so naive when we’re young lol! Happy belated birthday!

    Like

    • Thank you so much for your kind words. I find the irony your 30 year old aunt being pregnant almost funny. (Clearly I have a twisted sense of humor). How wonderful it was to be young and naive!
      If you are ever in my part of the world, you will have to join us for dinner! 🙂

      Like

      • That would be awesome!! I don’t know where you live though, other than Canada lol!! Though I feel you’re on the west end, since it was such a far trip to NYC. Would be fun though!

        Like

  26. Oh, Happy happy birthday to you! Beautiful seafood spread. I am glad that it was truly a happy birthday for the most part, that you had your first fresh-grief-free birthday in years, and that you know you are definitively on your way to becoming a parent. Later than you wanted, but it is happening, which is cause for celebration. I cannot BELIEVE that all those people made a big deal about 32 being older. What jerks. I love your thought that if you can count, you shouldn’t be reminded. You know. And 32 is not even a milestone birthday! What is up with these rude people? And your parents. I am so sorry they forgot. I agree with you, epic parenting fail. I can understand feeling completely ignored on that one, and to not make an excuse (or to have the “too busy” excuse, what the hell?) is just awful. I feel you on the being disappointed that your birthday makes you another year older without a child to parent. I used to have dreams of when I’d be a mother and they kept adjusting themselves, and now I give up on timelines. It’s hard though when there are events that remind you of the time lapse and the constant readjustment of your dreams. I hope that your beautiful evening with Mr. MPB overshadowed the moments of sadness, and the jerks that tried to cast a shadow on your day, whether they meant to or not. I wish you even happier birthdays to come!

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    • Thank you so much for all your words of wisdom and love! My evening with Mr. MPB was wonderful and definitely made me feel much better about turning 32.
      And maybe it’s time for me to take a lesson from you and just give up the deadline?

      Like

  27. Happy belated birthday my friend! That feast looks scrumptious – way to go Mr. MPB! I can’t believe people remind you of your age on your birthday. So tacky and just weird. 32 sounds so young to me… But I really hear your sorrow over the shattered dream and loss history. I hope you’re mistaken about having a little one in your home by this time next year. But then patience is not among my virtues. 😉

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    • I’m not sure that people intended to be so cruel in their words about my “old” age, I think my own mental state played into hearing their words as cruel. But either way I just didn’t appreciate it.
      And thank you for your hope, I too hope that I am mistaken about having a little one by this time next year! How wonderful would that be?

      Liked by 1 person

      • It would be spectacular. I am sure no one intended to be cruel but it just seems weird to mention people’s age on birthdays and less they are major milestones after you turn 21!

        Liked by 1 person

  28. Happy birthday! Mr MPB is such a great cook and you’re such a great photographer! I’m sorry your family forgot, that’s hard. Happy celebrating!

    Like

  29. Happy Belated Birthday! I’m glad it was overall a great day! Control of the remote is an awesome gift – haha. And, you can’t be old because I am not far behind you! The “32 is the new 62” line made me LOL, but I think we should change it to “32 is the new 22” 🙂

    Like

    • Thank you so much.
      In this house, me having control of the remote is an awesome gift! Mr. MPB tried to change the show at about 11:50pm, but I convinced him I get control for at least another 10 minutes. He caved. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  30. a happy birthday to you- your words still ring true from when you told me- I’m glad this birthday is not tied a loss for you. I hope this year brings nothing but joy an dis very kind to you! I”m sorry you parents didnt recognize your birthday (that would have been blasphemous in my family!)

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  31. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! (You can probably tell I’m catching up on my reading!). Sounds like such a delicious meal. Also, I’m hoping that was sarcasm about remembering four birthdays. I mean, who can’t remember their kids birthday? Seriously, get a calendar. Simples. It sounds like your boundaries are up though so although it’s frustrating you can cope better with the epic fails. AND 32 is YOUNG (I’m using capitals to get my point across 😉 ) This is your year, I know it x

    Like

    • Thanks so much Katie! It was a fantastic meal, no complaining about the yummy food from me. 🙂
      I agree, it’s not rocket science to remember someone’s birthday. Everyone has fancy phones now that will even remind you, so I find it hard to miss a birthday. And thank you for reminding me that I am not 62, just 32 which is pretty young. 🙂

      Like

  32. Its a month late, but I just wanted to say, I kind of hate your dad and step mom for you, mostly because my dad and step mom can be the same way, and I have learned to not be disappointed by them either. They moved 3 hours away a few years ago and always say how long of a drive it is, and they’re too busy etc, but last month my sister came to visit from Alberta last minute, and they had no problems dropping everything to come see my sister and nieces. I was pretty heartbroken. And happy belated birthday, your dinner looked amazing!!!

    Like

    • Thanks so much Nicole!! I’m sorry that you understand how frustrating my dad and step mom can be, it sucks that you get it. It drives me crazy when my parents don’t visit us, but will drive further to visit another family member! So, I too get how frustrating it would be have your parents do the same thing.
      Oh, and that dinner, was amazing! Exactly what I wanted. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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