I got home from a long day at work. My in-laws are gone. Mr. MPB had to go to an evening meeting. So upon arriving home I promptly took Baby MPB for the evening to soak up as many snuggles and laughs as possible.
As he fell asleep, I retreated to the quiet of the living room. The dog curled up next to me, and I began to cry.
I cried because I feel defeated from the in-laws visit. Now that the weekend is over, with hindsight being 20/20, the hat debacle could be considered one of the best parts of the weekend. Ya, it got worse and so did my attitude. And surprisingly, a lot of the problems were the result of my perception that Mr. MPB was basically sitting on his butt visiting with his parents. I was left to do EVERYTHING else. Seriously one day went like this:
- 5am baby feed.
- 7am wake up with Baby MPB – Mr. MPB takes Baby MPB to hand him off to in-laws.
- Empty clean dishes from dishwasher.
- Spin class. Because planned stress relief is a must for these visits.
- Returned home to clean up the breakfast mess that was left in the kitchen.
- Weedwacking
- Lawn mowing because snow is on its way and this is our only day available in the next 2 weeks.
- Cleaned up one of our gardens for the winter.
- Returned inside to empty the dishwasher and got in trouble for waking Baby MPB up due to the lawn mower.
- Take out the overfilled garbage.
- Had a shower because spin class and lawn mowing necessitate a shower.
- Went to lunch with in-laws.
- Returned home to put Baby MPB to bed for his nap.
- Made bottles and determined we were out of formula.
- Went to grocery store to buy more formula.
- Returned home to unpack groceries.
- Went to a self-imposed time-out because I was fuming and it was evident in my voice. Mr. MPB did basically nothing. He made breakfast and then proceeded to sit on the couch with his parents talking all day. I’m sure in his mind he was keeping them out of my hair, but I simply cannot understand why my normally helpful husband wasn’t capable of taking out the garbage or emptying the dishwasher or making bottles or doing something/anything helpful.
So, today, once I was alone for the first time in a few days, I sat down and the tears began falling down my cheeks.
I cried because the visit was a dismal failure.
I cried because when I got home from a 12 hour day at work the garbage wasn’t taken out, again.
I cried because the kitchen looked like a bomb went off in it, again.
I cried because I’ve barely held my son in 4 days, except while putting him to bed.
I cried because Mr. MPB and I have barely spoken outside of text messages in 4 days.
I cried because I have to do laundry tonight – we are in dire straights when it comes to having clean clothing in the house right now.
I cried because I learned this weekend that my in-laws next visit will be 5 nights over Baby MPB’s first birthday.
I cried because I simply do not like my husband’s parents and I don’t see how that will ever change.
I cried because I am now dreading my son’s first birthday.
I cried because I feel like a doormat for 4 days whose sole purpose was to clean up after everyone else.
I cried because I have already referred to my son’s birthday as “the hell that will be Baby MPB’s birthday.”
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We spent the last few days weighing the pros and con’s of attending our son’s adoption finalization in person.
We spoke with our lawyer to get his opinion. He said we have already paid a $1000 USD court fee to submit the application to waive the requirement of us attending in person – this is non-refundable, of course. We also went over the process of actually attending – apparently we will hang out in a waiting room at family court and wait until we are called to stand before the judge for 10 minutes and maybe take a photo. He indicated that the family court waiting room is not often a happy place to spend a day as the majority of the people waiting are not waiting for a happy adoption circumstance like ours. He definitely did not see the point on us attending, but indicated that we are welcome to attend.
At the same time I’ve also been figuring out the USA Social Insurance process – since we are Canadian this is completely new to us. My research so far says we have to be physically be in the USA to apply for it (I haven’t found a loop hole yet that lets us apply via mail and get our original documents back – having our original documents is a basic necessity in our opinion). And we need to apply once we get Baby MPB’s Amended Birth Certificate which will take an additional 6ish months after the adoption finalization. (Evidently you can apply using the original birth certificate, but depending on the person who reviews the application they may not accept it. So, we might as well wait until we have the amended birth certificate to apply as it’s not a rush for us). So all of this means we will have to go visit somewhere in the USA with a Social Security office within the next year or so.
In the end we’ve decided not to attend. Basically, while a long weekend in warmth would be nice, adding more into our insane schedule just isn’t a good idea. And honestly, after our last attempt at a weekend away, nothing about international travel excites either Mr. MPB or myself. Also, we’d really rather save our flight points to visit Baby MPB’s birth mother and sibling – we want Baby MPB to know this part of his family and in the scheme of life that’s way more important to us.
And so, we’ve decided to take the day of the finalization off work to spend the day as a family. I have no idea what we will do, but I’m sure it will be fun!!
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My Perfect Breakdown 