Time Heals All Wounds
The other day I shared about how bitter and angry I was after leaving the cemetery and how these feelings are not new to me.
But, here’s what I’ve noticed over the years – I let go of my bitterness and anger much quicker now then I used to.
When I used to visit the cemetery as a teenager, in the years right after the accident, the bitterness and anger would stay with me for days/weeks at a time. It was like the bitterness and anger would run through my veins and I could feel it as it reach my entire being.
Over time, I’ve noticed that the bitterness and anger is much more fleeting. I fully accept these feelings, I know that they are normal for a very atypical situation that most people will never be able to relate to. But, now I feel the emotions lifting almost as quickly as I drive away. It’s almost as though I am somehow putting them in a box and subconsciously saying to myself nothing good will come of this, I need to refocus on the good. The happy memories and the life I have.
I don’t mean to say that I’m packing up my emotions and ignoring them. It’s not to say I don’t think about my mom and sister – I do, still, almost every day. But, when it comes to the bitterness and anger, I now let those emotions wash over me, but they don’t impact me in the same way. In some ways, it’s like I instinctively know then I cannot hold onto being bitter or angry.
It’s been 20 years since they died – for better or worse, I lead a completely different life today then I did when I was only 14. And, since I’ve had 20 years to grow up with this being my new norm, I have a completely different maturity about the entire situation.
I optimistic that the same thing will occur in respect to our losses. I fully expect that I will always have hard moments, probably the hardest will always be the moments where I blame my broken body and the moments when I hear about other families losses. But, I do hope that with each passing year, I will be more equipped to accept the sorrow into my heart but also be more able to move beyond it.
Maybe it’s true what they say, time heals all wounds.
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Yep, Dad has been gone since I was 13 and I turn 30 this year. I sometimes get sad, bit like you said, I let it wash over and then it goes away a lot quicker than it used to. I think not fighting the emotions and understanding they are normal help so much too.
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Im sorry you understand this so well, but i truly appreciate knowing that my experiences are ‘normal’.
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I always say time doesn’t take away the pain, it just changes it. When it comes to mourning my dad dying when I was little, I find it easier for me to let go of my resentments and bitterness about it now than it was even a decade ago. Maybe it’s maturity? Or just more time marching on? In any case, I’m glad you allow yourself to sit with those feelings when they come up, and that you recover from them more quickly now too. So much love for you. ❤
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Yes! Time changes it. It doesn’t vanish (nor would I actually want it to). Thank you for sharing and helping me understand that this is all ‘normal’. Much love to you, my friend.
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I don’t know that time truly heals, but I do think that as we gain temporal distance from losses, the immediate pain and shock grows less. Human beings are amazingly resilient and seem able to adapt to most things, given enough time.
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Yes I think you’ve said this perfectly – with time we gain temporal distance and the immediate pain and shock grows less. Such a perfect way to explaining it.
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Sending you a warm hug from far away!
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I don’t know about completely heals. I think we get left with a badass scar that tells everyone that we have been through some sh*t.
Hugs xxx
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My take on grief has always been that time gives experience (rather than healing). We don’t get over our loss. We just get better at learning how to channel our feelings so we can live our lives. Like emotional evolution I guess. Survival of the fittest. You are such a strong person. You’ve overcome so many obstacles. You should be so proud of yourself. I guarantee your mom and sister would be. ❤️
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I think your rake is pretty wise. I especially like your point about learning how to channel our feelings so we can live our lives.
In my mind, healing is not curing. Rather, it’s just like a scab that can be pulled off at anytime.
And thank you so much for your kind words.
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So emotional over the part where you mentioned how in your teenged years you would be angry/bitter for weeks! So sorry for those feelings and days. Glad that now you are better able to overcome, i think Baby MPB is one of the reasons! Becoming a mother changes everything in a woman! Lots of love.
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Yes, I agree with grief working like that. The waves still come, sometimes even unexpectedly. But by that time (hopefully for me) I will have learned how to surf. 🙂
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