Time Heals All Wounds
The other day I shared about how bitter and angry I was after leaving the cemetery and how these feelings are not new to me.
But, here’s what I’ve noticed over the years – I let go of my bitterness and anger much quicker now then I used to.
When I used to visit the cemetery as a teenager, in the years right after the accident, the bitterness and anger would stay with me for days/weeks at a time. It was like the bitterness and anger would run through my veins and I could feel it as it reach my entire being.
Over time, I’ve noticed that the bitterness and anger is much more fleeting. I fully accept these feelings, I know that they are normal for a very atypical situation that most people will never be able to relate to. But, now I feel the emotions lifting almost as quickly as I drive away. It’s almost as though I am somehow putting them in a box and subconsciously saying to myself nothing good will come of this, I need to refocus on the good. The happy memories and the life I have.
I don’t mean to say that I’m packing up my emotions and ignoring them. It’s not to say I don’t think about my mom and sister – I do, still, almost every day. But, when it comes to the bitterness and anger, I now let those emotions wash over me, but they don’t impact me in the same way. In some ways, it’s like I instinctively know then I cannot hold onto being bitter or angry.
It’s been 20 years since they died – for better or worse, I lead a completely different life today then I did when I was only 14. And, since I’ve had 20 years to grow up with this being my new norm, I have a completely different maturity about the entire situation.
I optimistic that the same thing will occur in respect to our losses. I fully expect that I will always have hard moments, probably the hardest will always be the moments where I blame my broken body and the moments when I hear about other families losses. But, I do hope that with each passing year, I will be more equipped to accept the sorrow into my heart but also be more able to move beyond it.
Maybe it’s true what they say, time heals all wounds.
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