I’m Done

A few months ago, after miscarriage number 4, I attempted to resign from my company (see that post here). However, my employer rejected my resignation a few months ago, and instead asked me to go on a medical leave because I’m just such an awesome employee and they didn’t want to lose me. So, I obliged. My medical leave was turned down effective last week (with no notice), which means my income has now completely stopped.

So, my company was seemingly very supportive of my family situation and wanted to give me the time I needed. And they still are, but in a much different way now that my short term medical leave was denied by their insurance provider – apparently recurrent pregnancy loss and the mental health consequences does not count as a reason to require short term disability.

My doctor really thought I’d get approved for short-term disability, so we thought we had about another month before we’d have to make a decision about my future employment. Options included resigning, long term unpaid leave of absence or going back to work either part time or full time. Since we thought we had some time, we were not focusing on this decision right now because as great as my employer has been regarding my family situation and medical needs during each miscarriage, for a number of other reasons they cause me a great deal of stress.

So, why does my employer cause me so much stress? I’m used to working extensive overtime (i.e working about 70 hours a week while only being paid for 40); they treat me horribly (i.e. give me a promotion, but then take it away the next day because someone in another office is jealous); rather than hiring a replacement for a maternity leave position, ask/tell me to take on their job, in addition to my existing insane workload; expect unachievable deadlines from both internal managers and clients to be met; do not provide additional staff support when I’ve requested it, but hire someone to support the group the second I went on medical leave, because they couldn’t possibly do all my work; the company is disrespectful and dismissive of opinions if they do not match exactly what the corporate culture is; etc. It’s really not a good place to work for someone like me who has integrity and no longer wants to be a modern day corporate slave.

So, now that we were forced to consider our alternatives a little bit earlier than initially planned, we made a decision and put it into effect.

I’m done. I quit. It’s over. I’m out.

Yes, that’s right, after months of indecision, debate, confusion, frustration, and discussions, I finally did it.

I resigned.

I did not back down, I held my own, and it was actually relatively easy. The seemingly understood. They want me back when I’m ready to come back. It could be once we have a healthy child, or even if we make it through the first trimester and want to return to work. They will leave it up to me, but made it perfectly clear that I have a job with them, whenever I want it.

While they were nice about it and I left on good terms, I just know regardless of what happens with our future family, that company was not the right place for me. I know that I must find a career that is meaningful, enjoyable, and is in a respectful and healthy environment. And I need to balance my search for that career with my recovery and our next attempt.

And, now, I need to focus on:

  • Dealing with my guilt about not working and not contributing to our financial situation;
  • Living stress free; and,
  • Caring for myself, my husband, and our next baby.

And, I still need to figure out how exactly I am going to take the world by storm.

32 Comments on “I’m Done

  1. I’ve very happy for you… It feels good to make a decision, and sounds like it’s the best for you right now. I’m actually quite jealous, as I sit here at work, hating being here, completely unmotivated. It makes for long days when you don’t feel like you have a purpose. I actually searched online for a different position last night, but didn’t find much of anything that would enable my husband and me to afford our bills. Darn bills… Good luck to you!

    Like

    • Thank you! I realize I am in quite a fortunate position to be able to stop working, and have the confidence to know that I will be able to get a new job when I want to return to industry.

      I really am not missing those days of sitting at my desk, dreading the next person who comes to talk to me, and just pretending to care about whatever the next client’s crazy idiosyncrasies mean to me and the project. Best of luck to you as well!

      Like

  2. FYI, STD and LTD insurers do this all the time. When appealed, initial decisions are often overturned. Since you’ve already accepted the loss of income and since your employer is clearly supportive of you, it might be worthwhile considering this since you have little to lose and potentially some money you won’t have to pay back to gain. I’ve done 2 (pro bono, it’s not my usual area of work) and was able to get the employees their disability coverage. Once I wasn’t successful (for a paying client and I didn’t do most of the work). You can always file this for future or others’ reference if you’re not up for that now.

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    • Hi, thanks for the comment. We knew that i could probably appeal the STD decision, but it just didn’t seem like it was worth the effort given that I knew I wanted to leave the position with that employer. I’ll probably try to get on EI, to help with the next few months, and I’m told I’ll almost certainly have to appeal a rejection notice from them. But, I guess time will tell.

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      • EI appeals are much less onerous and you’re unlikely to be rejected if an officer calls you and talks to you about what happened and your employer is supportive if they’re contacted. If that happens (you get rejected), email me. But don’t volunteer me to help your friends, okay?

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  3. I too have been contemplating leaving my job due to stress(thinking this may be the reason why we have not conceived), and recently made the same decision to resign. I have yet to actually resign, but making the decision was the hard part now I just have to go through with it. It sounds like it was really the best decision for you right now. Wishing you all the best!

    Like

    • We are out of medical reasons for this to be occurring to us, so we decided it was time to remove the one thing that could still be causing the problems. And, we asked ourselves would we have any regrets in 15 years if we didn’t try everything, and the answer was a very simple yes which meant I had to resign. It became a relatively easy decision once we asked that question.
      That said, it took me a a 3rd and 4th miscarriage to finally make the move to do it! So, I get how hard it is to actually resign. And, then my employer declined my first resignation – all we could do was laugh at that point.
      Anyways, I wish you a tonne of luck crossing that bridge! So far, I’m happy with my decision, but I’m curious how I will feel in a months time.

      Like

  4. What a great decision you made. I didn’t even take a day off following my fourth miscarriage because I felt like it would have a negative impact on a promotion I’m going for. It’s killing me and I expect a full breakdown any day. Kudos to you for doing what I’m too chicken to do!

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    • I worked through my first 3 miscarriages. My 4th one was an experience from hell, in that nothing would make it “happen properly” and I was too high risk for another D&C. So, I ended up on some pretty strong narcotic medications for a few weeks, so there was absolutely no way I could work.
      Anyways, it has taken me a full year to work up the courage to leave work, and I am still struggling with this decision and I fear for what it could do to my career long term. But, I knew that breakdown was on its way, and it was best to walk away at least for a while.
      Best of luck to you!

      Like

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