A few months ago, after miscarriage number 4, I attempted to resign from my company (see that post here). However, my employer rejected my resignation a few months ago, and instead asked me to go on a medical leave because I’m just such an awesome employee and they didn’t want to lose me. So, I obliged. My medical leave was turned down effective last week (with no notice), which means my income has now completely stopped.
So, my company was seemingly very supportive of my family situation and wanted to give me the time I needed. And they still are, but in a much different way now that my short term medical leave was denied by their insurance provider – apparently recurrent pregnancy loss and the mental health consequences does not count as a reason to require short term disability.
My doctor really thought I’d get approved for short-term disability, so we thought we had about another month before we’d have to make a decision about my future employment. Options included resigning, long term unpaid leave of absence or going back to work either part time or full time. Since we thought we had some time, we were not focusing on this decision right now because as great as my employer has been regarding my family situation and medical needs during each miscarriage, for a number of other reasons they cause me a great deal of stress.
So, why does my employer cause me so much stress? I’m used to working extensive overtime (i.e working about 70 hours a week while only being paid for 40); they treat me horribly (i.e. give me a promotion, but then take it away the next day because someone in another office is jealous); rather than hiring a replacement for a maternity leave position, ask/tell me to take on their job, in addition to my existing insane workload; expect unachievable deadlines from both internal managers and clients to be met; do not provide additional staff support when I’ve requested it, but hire someone to support the group the second I went on medical leave, because they couldn’t possibly do all my work; the company is disrespectful and dismissive of opinions if they do not match exactly what the corporate culture is; etc. It’s really not a good place to work for someone like me who has integrity and no longer wants to be a modern day corporate slave.
So, now that we were forced to consider our alternatives a little bit earlier than initially planned, we made a decision and put it into effect.
I’m done. I quit. It’s over. I’m out.
Yes, that’s right, after months of indecision, debate, confusion, frustration, and discussions, I finally did it.
I did not back down, I held my own, and it was actually relatively easy. The seemingly understood. They want me back when I’m ready to come back. It could be once we have a healthy child, or even if we make it through the first trimester and want to return to work. They will leave it up to me, but made it perfectly clear that I have a job with them, whenever I want it.
While they were nice about it and I left on good terms, I just know regardless of what happens with our future family, that company was not the right place for me. I know that I must find a career that is meaningful, enjoyable, and is in a respectful and healthy environment. And I need to balance my search for that career with my recovery and our next attempt.
And, now, I need to focus on:
- Dealing with my guilt about not working and not contributing to our financial situation;
- Living stress free; and,
- Caring for myself, my husband, and our next baby.
And, I still need to figure out how exactly I am going to take the world by storm.