A while back we felt like we had to start putting together our nursery because we were told that we would need a picture of it for our profile book. So, we begrudgingly did it. Neither of us were happy about it. Neither of us enjoyed our time at IKEA picking out the required necessities to make our picture look good enough. In fact, it felt forced and we actually both really despised the entire shopping experience.
But, when I stand back and think about what has happened since then, its actually pretty amazing.
It’s almost as though once we were forced to start the room, we’ve voluntarily embraced adding to it. We add to it whenever we found the right piece for the right price.
The room now includes:
- The previously purchased crib and mobile that was given to us for free by some very nice people who sold us our pack and play.
- The previously hung pictures and artwork. Some from my mom, some that Mr. MPB bought for ‘me’ at Christmas, and of course a piece of art that was the first purchase we ever made for our child.
- The little green rocking chair I naively bought years ago.
- A dresser with a removable change table (bought second hand).
- An amazing, completely impractical, original 1960’s mid-century modern chair (bought second hand for an amazing price).
- A bookshelf (we had it in another room and we’ve relocated it to the nursery as it matches the nursery perfectly and was underutilized in the old location).
- Books! I love books so I’ve pulled out the few I have from my childhood and I seem to be buying more books all the time.
The other really amazing this that is happening now is that I’m finding myself less afraid to step in the room! It’s no longer a black hole in our house. It is no longer a room I fear in quite the same way. It’s no longer a room that represents everything we’ve lost, instead I’m starting to see it as a room that represents our future.
While I still feel a bit like an imposter when I buy the odd baby thing, I am starting to get really excited to fill our house and the nursery with more baby stuff (i.e. clothes, diapers, toys, more books, etc.).
Honestly, I’m finally feeling ready for this all to be real.
I’m finally getting really excited about our adoption without having to force myself to be excited. And this is pretty cool.
I can actually picture having a child in our lives, not just in our hearts.
Come on world, make this happen. I’m ready to be a mom already!
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Waiting is hard work!!
We have done everything we can do.
Our medicals are done. Criminal record checks are complete. Our photos are compiled. Our financial statements are in order. We’ve attended all the classes. Our home study is done.
Literally we’ve dotted our i’s and crossed out t’s. Everything has been checked and double checked and in most cases even triple checked.
We are ready.
But the system is not. The convoluted international adoption process is moving slower then we are.
Our paperwork is sitting on a desk somewhere, waiting for someone to read it and sign it.
We aren’t even officially waiting yet, we are still in the paperwork process, but this waiting is slowly gnawing at me. Before I felt like we were doing something, now I just feel like my hands are tied. There is literally nothing I can do to make time speed up. There is literally no-way I can influence anyone to get our stuff looked at quicker. There is no way I can work the system to give us an advantage over someone else. And I suspect if I tried to, it would actually delay us even further.
So, literally we have to wait.
Have I mentioned before that I am a rather impatient person? Patience is not a trait that I excel at.
If the realistic timeline is 2+ months, then don’t tell people it’s about 1 month. Expectations are set based on original estimates. I find my frustration and annoyance increases as the wait drags on past the estimate. Needless to say I despise when people are unnecessarily late. I hate when commitments are made and not upheld. It annoys me to no end when deadlines are given just to be broken.
But my feelings towards this do not matter in the least when it comes to adoption. So, we shall continue to wait.
I have no idea how much longer we will be waiting for.
I have no idea how to help myself learn to be more patient. Maybe it’s time for me to start learning the art of meditation. But that sounds like too much work. So, I think I will be thankful that we are adopting so I can have a glass of wine tonight while twiddling my thumbs as we keep practicing the art of waiting…
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My Perfect Breakdown 