Things have been so crazy the last week, that I forgot to mention another bit of crazy going on in our lives.
Last week, a family member started living with us for the next 2 months!
She is here for a mandatory work term as part of their university degree. She lives way too far away to commute everyday and finding such short term accommodations would be rather challenging. And as a student, paying for an extra apartment really isn’t an ideal option, assuming they could have found one. So, it only made sense for her to move in with us.
And of course, we would never say no, because we have the space and it’s the least we can do for a sibling who is just starting out in life.
So, this all means right now, we are all finding our groove and learning to live together.
I’m confident it will go well, because let’s be honest, 8 weeks isn’t long enough for things to go horrible and worst case scenario we’ll all just fake nice. But, honestly, I don’t think that will happen. I’m hoping once she’s comfortable she’ll feel more at home. I’m hoping having an extra set of hands will make the even rush a bit easier as we try to make dinner, get normal household stuff done and pay attention to Little MPB. I’m also hoping that she’ll help out with walking Doodle MPB a few times a week. And, I’m really hoping that this means we have a free babysitter at least a few times over the summer!
And more importantly then anything else, Little MPB loves her. He is absolutely loving the extra playmate. And, she’s absolutely fantastic with kids, and seems to love playing with Little MPB too. I don’t think he’s realized this visit isn’t a weekend visit, but that it’s a 2 month thing. I honestly suspect the biggest problem with this visit will be explaining to him in 2 months time that she’s leaving. I think he’ll be just heart broken. I truly hope that these next few weeks will provide them with a special bond that will last a lifetime.
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Sunday was Canada Day. Tomorrow is Independence Day in the USA.
This year, I’ve been thinking about something someone said to me recently.
Thank God You Got Him Outta There
This was said about Little MPB, in reference to the fact that he was born in the USA, and now lives in Canada as a result of his adoption. I know this was clearly a comment about the current political situation in the USA, and the very real problems he may have faced due to the current culture in the USA, especially where he was born.
But you know what? We never in our lives thought about adoption as saving a child. In fact, we still do not. And I find the notion that we “saved” Little MPB very troubling for a number of reasons.
- One, we adopted from the USA, not a war-torn country where children face life and death circumstances daily. We chose to adopt from the USA because it was a country that gave us the infant experience we so desperately wanted, a much quicker adoption time-frame and also enabled us to pursue an open-adoption. And, as the USA is a democratic country, while we may not like the current government, we also have hope that this is not a forever situation. (Please democrats being doing something in the background to get your act together for 2020).
- Two, we did not adopt for altruistic reasons, we adopted because we desperately wanted to be parents and after a lot of research that included meeting with adoption agencies, reading books and academic literature, talking to other open-adoption parents we made an educated decision to adopt. In making this decision we knew it wasn’t really about us, but rather about what was best for the child and knowing that we would help a child through some of the tough adoption related things that will very likely come up in their lives.
- Thirdly, and maybe even more importantly, I do not believe adoption is about saving a child, and I believe that attitude has potential damaging long term impacts for children. In my opinion, adoption is about loss – loss for birth parents, loss for the child and previous losses for the adoptive parents. And, those are facts we must acknowledge and be prepared to work through as they come up. And even more, I never want Little MPB to believe we saved him and he therefore owes us something for that – we simply want him to be a child who like other children shouldn’t be indebted to their parents for providing them with the things all children need in life (food, safety and love).
And so, yes, I am thankful Little MPB is our son (obviously) and that he is therefore a Canadian and living in relative safety. But, I can honestly say I don’t dwell on the thank god we got him out of the USA mentality. In fact, just like we celebrate Canada Day, we also celebrate his USA heritage on Independence Day and we plan to continue to.
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