It was a long weekend here, technically meant to celebrate Queen Victoria’s Birthday. In all honesty, I don’ t know anyone who actually celebrates her birthday. Really it’s typically just a perfectly timed long weekend to mark the start of spring/summer.
Well, this year not so much. It rained. Epic rain in fact. It even snowed at one point.
A good friend from England said to me over a glass of wine this weekend if you don’t play in the rain then you don’t play. My response was simple – I’m pretty sure this girl will melt if left standing in the rain for too long.
This weekend proved that if it rains, I don’t play well!!
On Saturday we went out with the goal of finding something rainy and infant appropriate to do. We ended up driving aimlessly, which did provide Baby MPB with a good nap. After much to long of a drive, we decided to check out a military museum that we had never been too. It was fun, well at least for Mr. MPB. I do think I was a pretty good sport about staring at airplanes and war stuff for a few hours.
On Sunday, we tried again to find something to do in the rain. Again we left the house without a plan. We drove around, this time Baby MPB got a longer nap. Eventually we found a used book store that is apparently known for rare books. Well, after last week’s epic book find this one was rather disappointing. In fact, the only memorable part of the stop was an epic poopsplosion (seriously, how do babies create that much poop?!). We thought we’d attempt a zoo visit, but the poopsplosion went through all of Baby MPB’s warm clothing we had with us. It turned out, even with the power of google, we could not come up with a single fun thing to do in the rain! So, in the end we literally went for a Sunday drive. The only even slightly fun part of Sunday was when we got home and I made giant and delicious version of my favourite Greek salad. There is so much of that we will be eating it for at least a few more days.
And then, yesterday, our bonus day off, was a bit better. There was no random drives! Rather, family came to visit for no reason other then to see Baby MPB (and therefore his parents too). No-one in our family has EVER come so far specifically to visit us before. At best we have always been a quick stop on the way to see someone else or do something else. Most of the time in the past we were just skipped. So, I will honestly say it was so nice to spend the entire afternoon visiting! We loved it!! And I think they thought I was crazy when I kept thanking them for visiting us.
And now, it’s a crazy busy work with a forecast of rain, rain and even more rain. Truthfully, I’m just hoping I’ll be busy enough that I don’t spend my entire week worrying up my upcoming surgery.
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My phone rang, I didn’t know the number. Usually I screen calls from numbers I don’t know, but for some reason this time I answered.
It turns out my breast reduction surgery date has been moved up. The surgery was originally scheduled for the end of August, now it is scheduled for next week!
I’m excited to be more proportional. I’m excited for my back to stop bugging me all the time. I’m excited for the next time I go bra shopping. I’m excited for my first run post surgery. I’m excited to stop slouching (hopefully). I’m even excited to go shopping and buy new shirts.
But, I wont lie, I’m absolutely freaking out!
For the first time ever in my life, I’m afraid of dying.
Evidently I’m afraid of my own mortality.
Honestly, right now it’s taking everything in my power not to Google anesthesia death rates.
The idea of going into surgery and not coming out alive scares the hell out of me. I have never really contemplated this before. Even when I had my emergency D&C in a hospital ER (the only “real” surgery I’ve ever had in my life) the thought of me dying never crossed my mind. Maybe its because for that D&C the doctor’s kept talking about needing the surgery right a way for my health so the focus was on keeping me alive. Or maybe it’s because it all happened so quickly that there wasn’t enough time for me to be afraid. Or more probably, it’s because I never felt like I had so much to lose.
Baby MPB is my life, and I cannot imagine not being here for and with him.
Yet, I know rationally that I want this surgery and I also know that it’s rather uncommon for patients to die during plastic surgery. But still, this fear, right now it’s very real. And I don’t have a lot of time to deal with this fear as the surgery date is fast approaching.
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