Surgery

My phone rang, I didn’t know the number.  Usually I screen calls from numbers I don’t know, but for some reason this time I answered.

It turns out my breast reduction surgery date has been moved up.  The surgery was originally scheduled for the end of August, now it is scheduled for next week!

I’m excited to be more proportional.  I’m excited for my back to stop bugging me all the time. I’m excited for the next time I go bra shopping.  I’m excited for my first run post surgery. I’m excited to stop slouching (hopefully). I’m even excited to go shopping and buy new shirts.

But, I wont lie, I’m absolutely freaking out!

For the first time ever in my life, I’m afraid of dying.

Evidently I’m afraid of my own mortality.

Honestly, right now it’s taking everything in my power not to Google anesthesia death rates.

The idea of going into surgery and not coming out alive scares the hell out of me.  I have never really contemplated this before.  Even when I had my emergency D&C in a hospital ER (the only “real” surgery I’ve ever had in my life) the thought of me dying never crossed my mind.  Maybe its because for that D&C the doctor’s kept talking about needing the surgery right a way for my health so the focus was on keeping me alive.  Or maybe it’s because it all happened so quickly that there wasn’t enough time for me to be afraid.  Or more probably, it’s because I never felt like I had so much to lose.

Baby MPB is my life, and I cannot imagine not being here for and with him.

Yet, I know rationally that I want this surgery and I also know that it’s rather uncommon for patients to die during plastic surgery.  But still, this fear, right now it’s very real.  And I don’t have a lot of time to deal with this fear as the surgery date is fast approaching.

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43 Comments on “Surgery

  1. I am excited for you. I also so understand the fear. But you will be fine and be able to enjoy that beautiful son with a new and more agile body. Xo

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  2. Girl, I hear you! I am always terrified before going under. But you will be fine! And do not under any circumstance Google anything. 🙂 I’m very excited for you!

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  3. I’m excited for you, and so jealous!! I’ve wanted to have this done for years, ever since I was a teen, but I know you shouldn’t do it before kids so I haven’t even looked into it at all. I understand your fear too though. I think any procedure is scary to go into, no matter how major or minor. I’m sure everything will go great, and you will be so thankful afterwards. I’ll be thinking about you!!

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    • I did the same thing, waited until after kids because I just didn’t see the point of doing it sooner especially because I always assumed I’d breastfeed. But when I’m not focusing on how scared I am of the surgery I am really rather excited for it!

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  4. You will be fine! It’s really really rare for anything to happen. I’ve had loads of anaesthetics lately and it’s not too bad. It will vastly improve your quality of life – that is a great reason. Hope it goes really well and your recovery is speedy. Xx

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  5. Fear is normal, but there’s a lot of comfort in the fact that this is very much routine. I’m excited for you! You’ll be flashing Mr MPB those new little things in no time! :p

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    • I keep reminding myself that it’s routine and it will be just fine. I think I’ll just feel so much better once the actual surgery is behind me and I’m just dealing with healing!

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  6. I had the surgery many years ago and I’m so grateful that I did!! It’s always scary to go under anesthesia, but you’ll be fine and I can’t wait to hear about how much you’re enjoying your new body!

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    • Thanks so much for sharing! I am 100% positive that I’ll be happy with the end result but that doesn’t seem to help reduce my anxiety around the actual surgery. I guess I just need to get through it! 😊

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  7. I can imagine that now with Baby MPB you have fears about things you may not have before. That’s what mommas do! 🙂 I’m happy that this surgery will improve your quality of life and I know you’ll be okay. I hope that the fear is lessened a bit in the days to come!

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  8. Oh my goodness how exciting (and scary!!). I think it’s totally normal to be scared, and more so now that you have baby MPB. I wish you the best of luck and you’re in my thoughts!

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  9. I get the fear. I was afraid of dying in childbirth even though I know that’s highly unlikely. So all I will say to you is that I know several people who have had breast reductions and all of them have said it was the best decision they’ve ever made. So maybe focus on that part of it instead.

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  10. I find surgery really scary too so I totally understand how nervous you must be feeling! Maybe it’s better that it is going to be next week so that you don’t have that long to worry about it and then it will be over! Wishing you all the best!

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  11. Not that you asked but I would totally push this surgery off. Not because it’s dangerous but because you will have a really tough time lifting things – like a baby. 🙂
    Did the doctor give you an estimated recovery time? My sister had a similar surgery and it was like 6 weeks…

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    • Interesting. Both the doctors I met with said to get it done asap while baby is still small (hes only in the 3rd percentile so he really is a little guy). They said that I’ll be able to lift him sooner and he won’t bump into me and hurt me. They both said within a week I should be able to lift him if I get it done asap or I should wait until he’s 2 or 3.

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  12. Oh my gosh! That’s crazy that it was moved up like that! I’d be freaking out too. The anesthesia will be fine. I was put under twice in three weeks and the second time was much harder on me, but I was still absolutely fine. Focus that energy on your recovery. Don’t be afraid!

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    • Thanks Molly, you are absolutely right that I really need to focus on the recovery and not my fears! And thanks for the reminder that anesthesia is normal and routine so I should need to worry about it!

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  13. Its kinda weird but I almost LIKE anesthesia (especially the stuff they give you before you head into the operating room, feels like a “3 margaritas” kind of good). You will be fine 🙂

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  14. Going under and being vulnerable can be a really scary experience, especially when we have so much to live for. I know you’ll be in good hands and will feel like a new woman post-recovery. I’m excited for you!

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  15. I can understand your fears but I’m so excited for you and now I guess you’ll be letting me know exactly what I’m in for in a month and a half instead of the other way around!!! Can’t wait to hear how everything goes. Love you!

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  16. I so get your fear, and I have had several surgeries , and sometimes for who knows why one surgery is scary , when the others weren’t. I am probably gonna need brain surgery, for a brain tumor, and right now I am okay with that. I wasn’t at first, but having had surgery on my face when I was a kid , the only difference is this time they will have to put a little hole in my skull. When medical stuff gets to be to over powering , I one step it, it goes something like this, I think of all the steps I will need to get to the recovery. Such as a shower, getting dressed, walking to the OR, and only deal with one step at a time, thinking , is this step something I can do, and of course that one step isn’t as big as the whole. When I am walking to the OR, i ask myself, can I walk to the OR , of course I can, not letting myself , think past the step I am on. I am so thrilled for you , to finally have a baby. Its something I can only dream of, was in fertility treatment twice both times for a year, without ending up with a child. Adoption isn’t an option for me as my health changed, I am now no longer able to work, and my health a constant issue. I believe we live in the same part of Canada, and can only imagine all the fun and sweet moments you will have showing your sweet boy the outdoors. I would love to see pictures if you are able to do so without revealing his face, but I totally understand you keeping this anonamous. Before you know it you will be in recovery, where your only job is to get better…enjoy your new body and reveal in your new little boy. Sending hugs, Lisa

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  17. Oh, good luck! I hope that the reduction goes smoothly and oh man, new bras and shirts and running without issues…that sounds lovely. I totally get the anxiety over anesthesia. In the last few years I was under a lot, and I always worried that I would die. I think it’s human nature to fear going under and not coming back up, but they are so very good at monitoring and doing pre-testing to make sure you’re healthy enough for anesthesia. I get being scared of losing this beautiful life you have. Deep breaths, and I’m excited for your new adventure with more reasonable ladies!

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  18. I know what it’s like to fix a part of yourself that is really bugging you, and i am so excited for you friend. Hopefully, this is something that will change your life, so hooray for that! And that whole mortality thing?! It wasn’t until I had children that I recognized that one day, sooner than I hope for, I’m going to die and it scared the CRAP outta me! Much more cautious now. BUt more so, I was more aware of the mortality of my PARENTS, and for some reason that makes me even MORE sad! I totally get that, because now with us caring for tiny creatures, it makes it a lot more real that something could possibly happen to me and they won’t be taken care of (even though they will, but you know what i mean!) Best of luck on the surgery and cheers to hot bod!

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