We’ve spent the last week celebrating the fact that our chid is officially a Canadian Citizen. We had cake. We had family photos. We sung O Canada. We made a point to visit spectacular Canadian historical sites. We’ve cherished this moment because it means our child is now part of this great country and because it means we are so close to being done with all the international adoption paperwork.
And yet at the same time, it feels like every single time I read the local news, I’m left in a state of shock as I hear about yet another person of colour who has been called out for being an immigrant (even if they aren’t) and are told to go home presumably based solely on the colour of their skin. This simply isn’t okay, nor is it the Canada I want to be part of.
I fear for the state of our world. I’m starting to fear for the state of my own County.
And now I realize I should fear for my child, who is an immigrant.
Yet, my child blends in, so we/he may escape the brunt force of this overt racism and cruelty, especially now while he’s so young and cute. He passes for “white“. He looks a lot like Mr. MPB, even though there is no genetic connection. He is being raised by two Caucasian Canadians in a heterosexual relationship. So, to those who don’t know our story, we usually come off as a normal/ typical family of three. But, will this always be enough to make Little MPB safe from cruel comments? Or even more frightening, will this always keep him safe from cruel behaviour and actions against him?
And quite frankly, it hurts my heart that I even have to question this. It hurts my heart that our world seems to be sliding into a state of chaos, where cruelty rains supreme. It not only hurts, but enrages me that some of our world leaders are actually encouraging such divisive behaviour and/or remaining quiet. This is not okay.
I’ve always been an adamant supporter of diversity, immigration and equality. Yet, I never realized just how immune I was to all of it as a Caucasian Canadian. I never truly understood that my view of the world was based on my white privilege. Until now. Now I am acutely aware of this hatred and how it has the potential to directly impact my family which has ethnically and racially diverse.
All of this said, the MPB’s will continue to celebrate Little MPB’s Canadian Citizenship, because I still believe becoming a Canadian is worthy of a great celebration.
Yet, we will continue to be aware of how scary the world is becoming as we will do everything in our power to keep our son safe. I will continue to educate people on adoption, racial diversity, immigration, and equality for all. I will use my voice to support anyone who is treated unfairly based on the colour of their skin, their place of birth, their gender or their sexual orientation.
I will not be silent in the face of fear. I will be a positive voice in a sea of negativity.
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I was determined to pull myself out of the grouchy funk I have been in for a few days. I took everyone’s comments yesterday to heart and started trying to sort through the cause of my grouchiness. I honestly still don’t know what the root issue is, but I did decide that I had to do something to lift my spirits. So here’s what I did yesterday:
- I stopped trying to force myself to work. I was just staring at my computer screen doing nothing, so I decided to give up and do something else.
- First, I went for a short walk to check out mail, just to get out of the house.
Then, I went for a mid-morning Starbucks treat – extra hot, non-fat chai latte. While in line at the drive through I purchased the lunch/coffee for the individual behind me. Hopefully I was able to spread some joy and make someone else smile.- I watched Humble and Kind by Tim McGraw, which attempted to restore my faith in human kind. But, somehow YouTube used this video to take me on a trip down memory lane as Tim McGraw videos some-how turned into a run of County music videos from the 1990s, which somehow turned into a few of my sister’s favourite songs, including her absolute favourite song – Strawberry Wine by Deana Carter. I had an unbelievably therapeutic cry for all that my heart misses and longs for.
- When the tears stopped flowing, I decided it was time for a mid-day run. I have not run in months thanks to my stomach issues. In fact, I feel as though I have not done much exercise since my old spin studio was horrible to me. Needless to say, my 30 minute run consisted of more walking then I’d like to admit. It was hard. Incredibly hard. But, it also felt oh so good!
Then, I mowed the lawn, because combining physical work and necessary work just made sense.- After that, Mr. MPB played with Little MPB while I did a few more things I just wanted to do. So after reading stories with Little MPB, I made Little MPB’s dinner, rice-crispy squares and cherry muffins (evidently I’m going to have to keep running to burn those calories) and then I sat down to write just for the sake of writing.
- And once Little MPB was sound asleep we began digging holes for new trees which are arriving next week (I’m not going to be able to lift my arms tomorrow).
- And while I thought I’d end the day with a glass of wine, instead I ended the day with a glass of water and Tylenol to help ease all my new found aches and pains.
And you know what? It took me an entire day of doing all kinds of things to somewhat lift my spirits. Evidently curing my grouchiness takes a lot of effort! I’ll admit, I’m still a bit grouchy, but I really do hope that I’m on my way to feeling better.
And once again (as it seems I say this every few months), I am reminded that I need to run or cycle. I need some sort of physical exercise in my life to keep me feeling sane (and allow me to eat sweet treats). I need to remember to take time for self-care.
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My Perfect Breakdown 