Power of Words
In the last 2 weeks I’ve been asked question by two friends, at two separate times. Both these friends have children of similar ages to Little MPB. One is expecting their second and to my knowledge the other is not.
Question 1: Will you and Mr. MPB adopt again?
Question 2: Now that you have Little MPB, are you going to try again? Now that you’ve adopted a pregnancy will probably work because you aren’t stressed anymore. It happens all the time.
I am always very blunt with my answer to these questions – We are one and done. After all we went through, we are so fortunate to have Little MPB that we plan to just soak up every moment with him. Sometimes I give a few more details about the financial and emotional aspects of adoption or how much I’d love another child in a perfect world. And other times I just end the conversation there, without sharing more. It depends on how I feel at the time and who the person is. But the one commonality to every variation of this question is that I leave no room for doubt – because my theory is that if I’m strong in my answer, they probably want as the question again.
But, I have to say, anytime these types of questions come up, I always end up thinking about why people think these questions are appropriate? Details of our sex life and fertility (or lack there of) is not a detailed conversation I really want to have with our friends and/or family. Just as I don’t want to know the details of their reproductive lives, so I don’t ask the questions.
And I have to say, the second question/comment about trying again and having it work this time, just urks me beyond belief. Why do people think that relaxing is going to fix us? And even more, why do we need to be fixed? Even the implication of needing to be fixed is insulting – we love our family as we are and we aren’t a broken family. And, even if science could fix my body, we aren’t interested. And I cannot lie, more then anything this type of comment makes me worry for Little MPB – I worry that one day he may hear this type of comment and he may interpret it to mean that somehow he’s not good enough because he’s not biologically ours, and that is just not okay. I wish adults could think about the potential power of their words.
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